Reactions to meds (venting)

Anyone else had a ridiculous time trying to find medications that help with other parts of the disorder (i know that there's no meds for BPD) be it depression/anxiety/mood swings? I'm getting really fed up and disillusioned. Latest ones have me wide awake all night- they're supposed to make any normal person (i.e. anyone but me) drowsy. They are making me a bit anxious and starting to make my heart beat a bit fast. At least they're not making me nauseated like all the rest of them do. The doctor doesn't seem to want to go back to mood stabilisers- I took valproate for a few days and it helped so much! But also made me really sick. I don't have the confidence at the moment to question anything he says though at the moment. I've now had nearly 3 weeks of the withdrawal from my 5 days of taking the valproate, that is- major crash... continual suicidal thoughts interrupted by a bit of self harm. I have a woman making life hell for me at work, treating me the same way that my so called "friends" did and its just dragging everything back up and triggering me. Wish she'd just p*ss of back to where she came from. Have to wait till Friday to talk to my counsellor about it.

I"ve had enough. I'm over it. I just want it all to go away.

Sorry guys, rant over.

Your rant would be the same as mine, however I didn't vocalize, I just stopped taking them (not without prior medical approval).

The weekly therapy I receive and the serpecol for sleep is enough for me. I am much more clear minded and have been able to find myself a lot better. It's different for everyone, you need to try what works for you.

I really liked your vent

I’m also having frustration with my meds. The stuff I’m on now doesn’t cause me to feel loopy or exhausted, but it’s causing a lot of anxiety and heart racing. My doctor reduced the dosage and I’ve been feeling extremely depressed and hopeless. I’m not sure whether to wait it out or make an appointment. I’m rather sick of adjusting meds and am dubious that I’ll ever find the right fit. I’m tempted just to stop taking them altogether. I can be this miserable without the co-pay.

I’m not familiar with the medication you’re on. It seems odd that you would have 3 weeks of withdrawal symptoms for a medication you took for only 5 days. I can understand not having the confidence to question your doctor, but I at least hope you’ve been reporting these symptoms to your doctor.

My partner does very well on Carbamazepine. It smooths out the highs and lows. Her doctor let's her decide her dosage herself between a minimum and maximum as needed per day. Next to that she's on zyprexa, benzodiazepines and an SSRI.

She's quite happy with it (as she doesn't seem to have anything else then rare dizzy spells due to low blood pressure) to the point the she refuses to consider her doctors advice to try and diminish.

Yeah...meds is a bit hit and miss with most of us. I ended up trying 18 different things in 18 months....

For anxiety I took lorazepam (which helped take the edge off). For suicidal thoughts I took haloperidol (but not regularly as it messed up my hormone levels). For depression and general mood levelling I am on the contraceptive pill for 3 months at a time and mirtazapine (30mg). I used to be on a whole cocktail more but it just didn't help and the side-effects (the shaking and dizziness) just made me feel worse.

I cut back to the minimum I need - I don't take anything for anxiety now. But I use skills from DBT and my one-to-one psychologist sessions to help me manage things. I'm OK just now because I'm not in a stressful situation, like you are. But if I were getting cr*p from someone at work then it would really affect me, leading to suicidal thoughts, self-harm, binge eating etc.

I would guess that your "withdrawal" is not so much due to your withdrawal from the sodium valporate but overall withdrawal from the meds you were taking before that too....what mood stabilisers have you tried? Lithium didn't really help me much....but mirtazapine is great for keeping me level even though it's an anti-d...but it's got a different action to some of the others I think....I really should know but I just accept that it works and I'm happy with that! It's not a bog-standard SSRIanyway......I think.....if I run out or stop taking for a few days then my mood dips drastically wo suicidal thoughts and actions within a week....and it takes a few days to get back to a manageable level. I didn't think it was doing much for me (I still get lots of negative thinking and so on) but when I stopped taking them (I didn't think it was worth taking them if they weren't helping) it was beyond horrendous....so they do help keep me from being utterly depressed and in a position where I can use the therapy skills I've learnt to manage the rest of it.
A load of waffle....sorry. It's late and I really should head to bed.

Hi Guys

Thanks for your thoughts. The withdrawal is not so much from just the valproate, more the drop back to having nothing in my system to hold me up. Used to happen when I was on the medication merry-go-round years ago. Each withdrawal became progressively worse as I got something into my system then went off it again. My worst depressive episodes used to happen at the in-between medications point. Women's problems contributing to it as well at the moment (I get two weeks of worse than normal depression with it). So I think it's a combination of everything all at once. I was taking Prozac with the valproate (one exaggerating the side effects of the other). Valproate was the first mood stabiliser I have tried, and I wouldn't object to trying another- my anxiety disappeared and for the first few days (didn't realise it was there till it was gone), it felt like it had slowed my thoughts down- felt really weird until I worked out that I'm maybe not meant to have so many thoughts in such a short space of time and I'm maybe supposed to be able to stick with one thought for more that 10 seconds at a time. It also started to soften the effect of the mood swings a bit too. That's all back now though.

I do have a positive though!!!! NO NAUSEA!!! Can't believe it. Doesn't seem normal in the equation of me+medication. My heart rate has slowed down a bit, so a little bit less anxiety. Hopefully this one will work.

I think mirtazapine is on the list as a "possibly try again" medication. But I would prefer to avoid it with the weight gain. It might help with my mood, but at the same time I would end up in a slow downhill slide with the depression without having a bit of control over my weight. I'm recovering from the eating disorder part of it, but at this stage I don't feel game to test myself out with it.

As for questioning my doctor- usually I would, I get along with him quite well compared to previous doctors, but when I saw him earlier this week, I was feeling pretty ordinary and didn't feel I could.

Still feel really low, but the prospect of discussing it tomorrow makes me feel a little bit better.

im not dxed BPD, but my problems are not treatable with meds, only treatable with therapy, and ive found meds a complete nightmare. i haven't been on anything recently, but in the past...

lithium made me feel emotionally flat, kinda made me more functional/compliant cause i pretty much felt nothing at all and just went along with what i was supposed to do cause i didn't really care. much like a robot... so not helpful really. lol at the time i thought that was what "healthy" was supposed to be

other mood stabilisers... didn't really notice much.

antidepressants - maybe seemed to make me "happier" - or at least care less about anything lol

Seroxat/Paxil - gave me intense panic/anxiety at first, then settled down to a happy sort of lethargy where i didn't give a damn about anything. then i missed a dose a couple of times and realised i was addicted to the stuff, so i got angry and went cold turkey, which made me feel extremely physically ill for about 2 weeks, extremely sick, whole load of other side effects + intense derealisation and a fever of 104 lol

antipsychotics typically just made me sleep, and get really fat even when i tried to survive on 6 biscuits a day and a bit of salad lol, except one that made me feel more hypervigilant and jumpy lol

only natural solutions have helpled at all:

what i do find helps is magnesium supplements lol basically cause stress depletes magnesium levels turns out thats what causes my PMS, so i'd reccommend any other women with this problem trying it (BPD=stress) & maybe it can help the guys too, just more noticable for us girls.

best rx: a year of consistent intensive self-help & some therapy.

I'm sure this is well known but i'll put it up anyway. It helped me a lot http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/ learning about meds and side effects.

I have been researching all types of meds which have the ability to help w/BPD symptoms...I am on Adderall XR, Pdoc just added Klonopin to augment the irritibilty (in the book I'm reading, it states Benzo's in general do not help BPD & can make it worse.

Loads of side effects w/any psych meds & for me the most important is no weight gain. As mentioned above, the author of the book states he has seen dramatic improvement for BPD when put on Carbamazepine (Tegretol). However, he states antipsych meds need to be prescribed at lower doses than typically prescribed in order to benefit for BPD. In lower doses, I can only assume any side effects would be lessened.

I see my Pdoc in a week & am seriously considering asking for Abilify, Topamax or maybe Geodon as these seem to be weight neutral. Adderall & Klonopin together help w/any hostility but I need something to help w/disorganized thinking (my irrational side takes over too often).

Isla- can I ask how much of the Vitamin B complex you take? I have been taking this ever since I decided to go off meds altogether about 3 years ago (they weren't working, I was just as stable on B Complex as I was the meds, and my doctor at the time was less than helpful). It doesn't make me feel fantastic, but I know that without I will crash bigtime.