A walk (F U all and hello)

I went for a walk today and something crystallised in my mind this time, moreso than others.

Atleast, that's the impression i'm left with here and now.....a scant 10 hours later, drunk and high and not really giving a fukc.
I realised today, this is the crystal i speak of, that i am far worse than i ever realised. And that my ability to realise how "far worse" anything is, is very limited. My ability to realise anything and have it matter a mere 2 minutes later.......is very, shall we say...."off".

4 days the only thing in the world i didn't want to do, was quit the diet i've been on the past 3 months.....i certainly didn't want to quit it to get high for the first time in a long time. Nor to get drunk, for the first time in a long time. Well, atleast i didn't buy any cocaine. Thank You Len Bias. (college bastketball player, heart attack.....fukcing google it, it's an important story)

Now i'm drunk and high and not ever sure who that person was.......though i still feel guilt for his abandoning of his virtues.

I'm really not sure what i am going on about...........and that's my point.

5 minutes ago i cared about what i was going to write here.......if not, for my own amusement and benefit........and now i don't. Though i feel like i am starting to.


What does it matter? I think i've had it right all along.........aslong as i keep my options open, who really cares about anything?
Certainly not people..........take away my worship of them, in that generally brief idealisation phase and really, is that what i want? Miss? Long for? Is that why i want anything? (success, admiration, power)

For some person? Some people? I really don't give a fukc about? A group of them, called society?

I mean, yes.......i want things like the mentioned........to secure my access to pleasure and entertainment and again, options......

But why fret over it? Technology is either going to see that i live forever.......or it isn't. And none of this will mean anything in 10 minutes. I'll call it 50 years........but it'll be 10 minutes.

This will be time number 800 i come to this conclusion........but (and don't take this personally, as i'm BPD/HPD) FUKC ALL OF YOU!

I've spent far far far FAR too much of my life........worrying what you think. Even if it was, my thinking, about how great i am for not worrying about what you think....and worrying if other people would think that was great or not........

FUKC all of you.

And i mean that.

And all of you mean it aswell......you just don't know it. You cute little non disordered people..... how i envy you. And also feel most of you are pathetic......atleast being crazy, has forced me to question the nature of reality and my relationship to it.

I look around, and i can't help but want to spit on all of you. (people on earth)

Not everyone, just everyone i've ever met with very few exceptions.

Of course i don't always feel like this.......but the person who doesn't, isn't as fun and feels guilty for feeling things like this........and he's coming back now.......so before he does, let me repeat "FUKC YOU ALL".

All.


Oh the point.......there is none. There really is none. Have fun and don't drink and drive.

Ever thought of going into stand up comedy.

That was politically incorrect but I can't stop laughing...

On a serious note, I have to ask I'm BPD, are you ok?

....if that aint' bein' real

...then I dunno what is ?

AND.....

If I can't see it..

Then I aint got a hope

Twisted:

You are going to have one heck of a hangover.

Bill Hicks would be proud.

Twist, you be twisted

Love it! I agree completely twisted!

Beautiful! Poetic!
Ignorance is bliss.........F 'em.

Hun, you, more than anyone else out there, don't have to ever worry about what anybody thinks, you'll always have whole fan clubs no matter what you say

Been there. Don't think for one second having a disorder makes you think this way. It's called life and obtaining a 'higher' level of consciousness. The more you go through and overcome in life the stronger you become - thus makes for a more intelligent and adaptive human being.

-Get back on your diet / exercise routine. Drink lots of Green Tea and flush the alcohol out of your system. Go for a run and smile at 3 people while running. Make sure they smile back. It's boring I know but try sky diving next time instead of going on a bender.

-So you got your dopamine rush and now its time to get your sh!t together and stop throwing little temper tantrums because you didn't get your way. You Digg?

Zigg