Are you overly Superficial?

Over the past few years I've noticed that I've become very superficial & judgmental.I don't want to say I love being mean but I am known to make fun of people and point out there flaws and in general just be very nasty at times.I just can't seem to stop making fun of others .If I could get paid to talk crap all day I would be a millionaire!I just love to criticize and make snippy comment's.I think it just brings out how ugly and bad I feel on the inside.An old friend of mine used to tell people I may look shy but I could make a grown man cry to 2 seconds.I pick up on people's flaw's very easy and use that to push their buttons.Even my mother says I'm very hurtful without realizing it.Last year my ex and I were looking at my brother's high school year book(we all went to the same school and we all are just a year or two apart).As we were sitting there I picked on people and make fun of them and my ex said "you NEVER have anything nice to say about anyone ever do you?"I felt kind of weird because I had never really noticed before and looking back I've been like this for a while.And I really don't have anything nice to say most of the time.Weird thing is I was never popular in school or a bully.I just kept to myself.I never got picked on either.I come from a very poor family,it's not like I was anything special.Ya know?Who am I to pass judgment the way I do?


My therapist told me that it's my anxiety talking.Like I make up reason's not to like people so I don't have to be friend's with them in the first.I can find something wrong with anyone.You're to fat,your hairline is receding,your teeth are nasty,you wear crappy clothes,your a skank,your a dirt-bag,your stupid , you smell, you have a crappy job,your not a dirt-bag but you associate with dirt-bag's,your chin is weird,you look like a whimp,you look like you'll never amount to much the list can go on until my finger's bleed.I also have a bad habit of forming relationship's on the basis of weather or not I can gain something from them.And If I do manage to leave the house to do something it's because I'm getting something out of it.I'm sure there are other reason's why I act like this.Like I learned it from my father.I'm also like this with myself,maybe that's why my self esteem is so bad.It's also why my anxiety is so bad I feel like others judge me just like I judge them.But I can't help myself.Does any of you do this too?

_Awakening wrote:I also have a bad habit of forming relationship's on the basis of weather or not I can gain something from them.

It seems to me that is the basis of all relationships. Whether it be parents, friends, lovers, acquaintances -- we keep tangoing with these people because they give something to us. Be it money, the sensation of being loved, or a place to sleep at night. The shape and form doesn't matter. There is an underlying sameness to all relationships. They are inherently symbiotic. So I'd urge you not to feel so bad about it. People form relationships with you on the basis of whether they can gain something from you, too.

_Awakening wrote:And If I do manage to leave the house to do something it's because I'm getting something out of it.

Like all humans, you move when motivated. Be it from house, social strata, or job occupation -- you engage in activities that give you something. We all do it -- it's called being alive.

_Awakening wrote:I'm sure there are other reason's why I act like this.Like I learned it from my father.I'm also like this with myself,maybe that's why my self esteem is so bad.It's also why my anxiety is so bad I feel like others judge me just like I judge them.But I can't help myself.Does any of you do this too?

We all do, baby, we all do.

You're a perfectly wonderful person. Don't devalue yourself and get tossed up in anxiety and self-loathing. We're in this symbiotic life-thing together.

I am extremely critical and judgmental too. I don't like it though and have worked on keeping it to myself, and lately I've started to...develop a conscience? Or something? I feel really awful gossiping about people, and I don't think I used to.

I'm extremely critical of myself, too (aren't we all?). I can pick out 50 million things I don't like about myself--50 million things that no one else even notices, even if I were to point them out specifically.

I have learned from comments that others have made that I am more judgmental than "normal". I used to always think that people were judging me just the same as I was judging them, but now I don't think it's true (although I'm still paranoid about it). Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice and judge others.

YES! I do the same thing. I've started keeping it to myself though because my fiance has been trying to teach me why I should. He tells me my opinion on everyone and everything isn't always necessary.. especially if it's negative. I rarely have a nice thing to say about someone. My compliments go like this... "Her shirt is really pretty.. too bad she's got huge gut." " That hair color is beautiful.. she should try washing her hair more than once a month." It's a really bad habit. I'm VERY critical of myself too. I can remember several times I had a blemish on my face and I spent a whole hour covering it up to perfection with makeup. I CANNOT let anyone see me look imperfectly.

Seriously though.. my fiance was right. I feel a lot better keeping these thoughts to myself. It makes me seem like a better person. I do feel better not expressing it. I've been working on this for about a month. If you don't have anything nice to say... repeat the rude thought in your head as many times as you'd like... just don't voice it. It works for me most of the time! Sometimes I even write it in my notepad a few times. "You're a stupid, useless, whore with greasy orange hair and you've gained 1,000 lbs since last year.. you have no right to speak to me because you're a walking piece of $#%^." Yep.. that made me feel a lot better because I'm really mad at someone right now haha!. ( I hope nobody takes offense to the things I wrote. Of course, not my intention.)

I know everyone does it but I really feel as if I have the tendency to go overboard.I've had more then a few people including old friends say thing like "wow you say such nasty things about everyone else what do you about me when I'm not around".How do you respond to that?Then there are times when I slip up and say things I shouldn't say and give others the wrong impression of me.Like this one time I was talking about how I think dentures are gross.....the woman I was talking to had dentures....awkward !!!Makes me look bad.I'm not saying everyone thinks I'm a b!tch on wheels because of it.A bunch of people think I'm really funny.But it's the ones I'm close to like like my mother and old friends who point it out and it makes me feel bad.And good idea Lilycat10 Ill try writing things in my notepad on my phone instead of saying them outloud

Lilycat10 wrote: "You're a stupid, useless, whore with greasy orange hair and you've gained 1,000 lbs since last year.. you have no right to speak to me because you're a walking piece of $#%^." Yep.. that made me feel a lot better because I'm really mad at someone right now haha!. ( I hope nobody takes offense to the things I wrote. Of course, not my intention.)

LMFAO!You sound just like me.

I keep all that stuff inside, but I understand where it's coming from. I just don't bother to really go outside or interact with people, because I feel like there will be something very easily to find that will make me not like them.

I absolutely do this! Or should I say "have" done this.
I realized, (in my own situation) that I did this, because I don't know who the hell I am! This little girl is locked up in Fort Knox, somewhere inside of me, and God forbid if anyone is better than her. I have dedicated 30 years of my life, through my BPD protecting her........
So....everyone is the enemy. (I'm a bodyguard at this point). But I can't beat them up physically to protect her. That would land both of us in jail.
I went the other way. The way you're going. It worked for me for a very long time. (Not in being liked, mind you, but the little girl is safe)
Now that I am on my journey of recovery, I see people a little differently. They all have a little girl or boy in there.
Who could make fun of a child?