brilliant or stupid!?

Mental illness can dispatch a million negative packages to someone with a.....well...a mental illness.

Blimey I stigmatize myself. It's a reflex. I am stupid this way...but thats ok...sort of!

When I was a kid, way before I recognised feeling really crap. I pictured myself as being a heck of alot cooler than I became. like right now!

I dreamed and envisioned a dude who could handle anything and be the hero. Like all boys, kids..

What happened..?

I got serious...

Why did I get serious?
I felt things I wasn't equipped to feel....
predisposed to sensitivity.. (brilliant quality)

I got sick of bein' bullied,

I got sick of bein the last to know.....even the last not to know.

I got sick!

My mind was always elsewhere. still. and actve. still. NUMB

This must become a habit (the mind) when it is thrashed too early and when it is maybe.........wait for it

Brilliant!

Why the heck not spiral the bpd mind UP instead of DOWN.
Or am I truly CRAZY ?
What ? for bein' positive.

Dis-order invites insecurity. embracing dis-order and accepting it as a feature of self is a better approach than trying to hide behind it or attempting to demolishing it! and succeeding (AS CAN HAPPEN!!!)

that is .000001 percent of my conciousness.

I like to think that we people with bpd, we people are unique.. and we are OK! just the way we are. we are good people with difficulties and motivated to get better. I've never met nicer people than People with this dis-advantage.

If we don't believe this , then....we dis-integrate..self destruct.

I'm Not wearin' pink lollipops on my head. I am being real.

ok.... feel better

I love this post, nonameatall .
Your optimism is a breath of fresh air...something that is always needed around here.

Well wishes and bright brilliance your way,

Evol

.....and again.

thanks Evol.

brilliance right back at ya!

noname

I'm with ya. I just hope we're right. I've been going down that path for a month or so and I'm breaking major ground. Now a DBT therapist I talked to seems to think embracing the idea of being different is somehow extreme. Either I'm extreme for thinking I'm less or extreme for embracing something that's not realistic. Who the hell said some people aren't radically different than others. When was that a stone cold fact.


$#%^, I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I'll think nothing. What I'm doing is working fine. I'm trying to talk myself out of DBT. I'm afraid of it, and I don't want to waste my energy killing my soul. That's what it feels like. It feels like they're trying to make us like everyone else.

Yeh...Thats a similar response I had at first... Almost like "leave ya'self at the door when ya come in!..."

Then what have ya got ? I never knew who was arriving anyhow...in fact it's rare for me to depart or arrive anywhere and know who or what the heck did it !... me obviously, but I'm an indeterminate quantity to myself. Add to that the constant dis-association phenomenon.

The dbt approach was a sudden and radical backflip on everything I was programmed for and in many ways still. And the hard bit was not being aknowledged for independant thought. Not to the extent where I felt I had to express it.

I am still yet to give a description of my full dbt experience and I will get to it eventually.. It seemed such infallible knowledge . but I was influenced by a personal subliminal fear of losing characteristics of myself that I didn't necessarily "think" were vital...but they "felt" vital to retain. So I didn't co-operate fully for fear I might vanish completey.

The approach is in fact very gentle and forgiving I got used to and looked forward to going.

It is charismatic and virtuous to challenge and question and people that are like us and certainly very different (in wonderful and frightening and incredible ways) always do challenge and with supreme style!..

If anything...this experience could be a further breakthrough for you. Does that make a bit of sense ?


We learn...on the edge....for

we live beyond the edge..

noname