Thinking about quitting therapy

I've been required to see a therapist by my college as a condition of returning to school, and since they told me recently it's no longer necessary unless I find it so, I've been thinking about quitting.

At first it started out okay. My therapist is really well schooled in issues of gender, so the fact that I'm transsexual did not completely obliterate the rest of my person, and I didn't feel like I had to be a stereotype to get respect. However, it ended up just being...well, ######6 depressing. He found out pretty quick that I was borderline and that my impulse control was awful and my mood swings pretty bad, and he would tell me that he was concerned and didn't know what to do and didn't think therapy was helping, and when I asked for referrals, he said he wasn't sure anyone else would know what to do in that situation either.

Basically, the problem is that he makes me a) hopeless, and b) like a diagnosis and not a person. (I don't know what I expect from him in that regard, cause I don't know who I am as a person either.) But honestly, I think I might be able to figure that out, and I've done better with workbooks and self-help books and family/SO love and meds than I've ever, ever done in therapy.

And it's not like I'm quitting altogether. I still have a psychiatrist, who is the one I might actually contact in a jam, although admittedly I don't see him that much and he's mostly a medication manager. I don't know. I've never ever been without therapy of some kind, bad or good (usually bad). I'm sure the general populace would agree that I need to be closely monitored by a professional--sometimes I do get suicidal, though it's nowhere near where it used to be, I rescind on my vows not to use my problem drugs all the time, self-injure after I have arguments, etc. But therapy doesn't even help with that, and the efforts I make on my own do. What do you guys think?

If you really feel that it's not helping then maybe you should take a break and seek it out in the future if you think you need to. Would it be worth going if you found someone better or do you just not want it at all? Being without therapy for the first time might be harder than you think.

I guess I've been thinking about quitting altogether. I've had probably four therapists in my life prior to this psych and therapist, not counting all the social workers and other professionals from the times when I've been hospitalized, and my experiences have ranged from mildly helpful to awful. It might come as a shock, but I dunno...I've been slowly stretching out time between visits anyway, mainly to avoid having to see him.

I think good therapists are hard to find.

You certainly have not found a good one in this person. You should quit seeing this person, lest they infect you with their stupidity.



Are other therapy options available?

The fact you've had 4.....and only found them mildly helpful, doesn't mean you won't find a good one yet.
Not to mention......it's probably hard for you to really judge, what has and hasn't been helpful. Maybe this goofball, was helpful in leading you here.

I agree with Twistedmister. This therapist doesn’t sound very capable. He even admitted himself when he said he wasn’t sure what to do. This isn’t a productive or helpful set up, so quitting therapy doesn’t sound unreasonable to me at all.

I would still encourage you to look elsewhere. You may still find someone out there who knows what the heck they’re doing. Just because your current therapist lacks those resources, doesn't mean those resources don't exist.

CharleyBo wrote:He found out pretty quick that I was borderline and that my impulse control was awful and my mood swings pretty bad, and he would tell me that he was concerned and didn't know what to do and didn't think therapy was helping, and when I asked for referrals, he said he wasn't sure anyone else would know what to do in that situation either.

Basically, the problem is that he makes me a) hopeless, and b) like a diagnosis and not a person. (I don't know what I expect from him in that regard, cause I don't know who I am as a person either.) But honestly, I think I might be able to figure that out, and I've done better with workbooks and self-help books and family/SO love and meds than I've ever, ever done in therapy.

If your therapist confesses to not knowing what to do, then please try to avail yourself of another therapist. Ask him, or ask at the reception of the place, if there is anyone that works there that has knowledge of/has previously treated borderline personality disorder.

Therapy CAN be illuminating, shattering, intense, and incredibly fufilling. But the therapist has to be the right one for you. It is postulated that the effects of truly therapeutic practitioners comes from 10% of their knowledge and skill, and from 90% of the trusting and reciprocal relationship that you build together.

I am so sorry that you feel so alone, and identity-less. BPD can be a terrifying experience, and one that, in its initial stages of self-actualization and self-realization, needs strong and supportive guidance. You are not recieving this right now, and I hope that you can find a better support in a different therapist.

I had somewhat of the same situation. My therapist kept asking me what I wanted him to do about my problems. Not knowing what I want in life in general.. that was hard for me to answer, other than the obvious like self-harming and such. I'd tell him I just wanted to feel better and he'd say he didn't know how to do that. UGH! He sucked. It sounds like yours does too. I did quit therapy and I'm MUCH better without it. I've made more progress by myself. I think you should find another therapist.

I think that is totally fine.

We all need a break from it at some point.

And I really believe you know what is best for you even under all that $#%^ on top.

Plus it's good to listen to your own advice and thoughts for a while. I know it's easier when you are in therapy to just idealise your therapist/physiatrist and want to do everything they say, cause your thinking " FIX ME " or at least that is what I use to think anyway.

But at one point my therapist just wasn't giving me fitting advice for life. It was fine without her. And if I need her she is always a call a way.

So I think do what you feel is best and if it doesn't work out you can probably always go back.

Thank you, everyone. I'm really new here and honestly, I've never had the opportunity to speak to someone else with BPD except my mom, who found her 'cure' in a number of non-clinical ways.

The plan so far: Definitely not going back. Settling my debts, maybe asking him for referrals. Honestly, I don't know if I even trust his referrals. I think I'm going to ask my psychiatrist, or a nice contact through my student counseling center. I think I'm still taking a break, until I feel I really need it, hopefully without hitting bottom first, and I'll have those referrals on hand for when I need them. My college town is pretty devoid of therapists, so I might seek counseling in my hometown in the CA Bay Area if necessary.

That sounds manageable.

Yeah, everyone needs breaks from therapy every once in awhile. You know, a chance to stop focusing on your diagnosis so much. Also, you could try looking up maybe a DBT program. Maybe that would be more effective for you.