question for NON-BPD's..what is like to date a borderline ..

Dating most borderlines makes me want to commit suicide, they turn me into them.

She was officially diagnosed BPD with severe psychotic episodes to the point of being admitted. She still is in denial she has BPD even whilst she sees her psychiatrist for 5 years now on a monthly basis.

Those first 2 years weren't exiting but pure unadulterated hell. Every material possession i had was destroyed up to ripping the wainscotting of the walls. She physically attacked me regularly, till the psy told me to restrain her gently but securely till her rage subsided.

She once stabbed me 3 times in the genital area just missing my artery, she once clubbed me on the head whilst i was sleeping with a lead lamppost.


I'd say she was far out there.

From start to finish:

I experienced the most intensely beautiful experiences of my life with my partner.
I experienced the most horrifyingly damaging experiences of my life as a consequence of loving my partner

What drove me away:

If she communicated her fears and feelings to me once, I would never have left her side.

When your partner spares no effort to push you away, denigrates you, humiliates you, you quickly take the hint and beat a hasty retreat.

The difference lies in its intensity. Bonds and forged, and broken, with the speed of summer lightning. The relationship is rife with uncertainty, distrust, and anxiety. Apart from the Idealization phase, I rarely enjoyed a moment’s peace; my partner’s interests were paramount. The demands your partner places upon you are exhaustive, and eventually reach such a destabilizing intensity that the union simply collapses under its own weight.

I left her the first time, exhausted by all of the uncertainty, but still loved her dearly.

She left me the second time, overwhelmed by her abandonment fears.

Due to my own mental oddity, my experience might be a big different than others, but....

History: I was with a Borderline woman for 7 years, through the end of High School and beyond. She was quite passionate, and never since have I had a partner that I engaged with such great philosophical discussion.

Callis wrote:So, in my experience, the biggest difference between being in a BPD relationship and in a non-BPD relationship is that in a non-BPD relationship you know what to expect - in a BPD relationship, you never do.

I did not experience this, per se. I learned very quickly that she was just "like that": oversensitive to rejection, that sort of thing. I'd get angry at her if I felt she was being unfair to me, sure, but then it was just a matter of slowing her down and saying to her: "Do you see what you're doing?" And generally she'd go, "No, wait, okay, you're right".

It was good while it was good, but very stressful when emotions ran high. We both said and did particularly cruel things to each other. I know I manipulated her a lot, but I'm unsure how successful she was at manipulating me.

The relationship ended in a sort-of normal way, actually - be both became aware that we wanted different things in life, having been so young. But "officially" it ended because she cheated on me. But I'm 99% certain that I drove her to do it so that the failed relationship would be her fault and not mine.

I still scratch my chin and wonder who was actually abusing who in this relationship. (I tend towards oblivious self-righteousness in this area.)

....Er, so from my POV, it was like any other relationship. It can work and last if you learn to understand how the other person works, and if you care enough to accommodate.

undenied wrote:....Er, so from my POV, it was like any other relationship. It can work and last if you learn to understand how the other person works, and if you care enough to accommodate.

Wisest words ever spoken.

It was the strangest thing I ever experienced. We met when my dad was dying, she worked at the hospital and treated him. She found out I was a minor part of a radio show and started sending me messages on Myspace about an on air thing I had just done, and freaked out a little bit when I didn't accept her friendship not realizing I wasn't on Myspace that much. The messages consisted of it's so great to see such a caring family member at the hospital for a change, I did great on my appearance, etc etc..

When my dad died she was incredibly consoling in her next message, gave me her phone number and said she was there for me. I called her and didn't hear back, did'nt really think much about it. I couple of days later I got a text saying that some creepy guy that she gave her number to in a coffee shop was calling her, and she didn''t check messages because his voice creeped her out. She then wrote to text her from now on (Lack of knowledge of BPD flag # 1) she always avoided phone calls, with friends, relationships, family, etc..

I messaged her a couple of weeks later and asked her to get together, I was amazed at dinner becuase she seemed to like pretty much everything I liked and I thought wow. (flag #2, she got it off my Myspace profile) We were intimate the first night, after that she became clingy and held my hand constantly like she was about to fall off the face of the earth and I was her anchor (Flag #3).

She began to speak of the rotten men she had in her life before me, they locked her in rooms, harrassed her, forced her into things (poor thing, Flag #3) 3 weeks into intimacy she buried her head in my couch and told me she had genital herpes, she spoke in a little girls voice and told me of the horrible man who did this to her ( a married dr. at her hospital I came to find out later).. I felt so bad for this poor thing, how dare he, look at this sweet, innocent, cute, childish woman. (flags 4 & 5). Prior to telling me, we had unprotected sex a couple of times, she said she had bad reactions to condoms and didn't like them (flag 6), and like a dope I stuck with her with no conception that I was being sucked in because was such a weak, codependant pussy. So much happened since then, most notable we have a child.

She moved out so her mommy could take repsonsibility for the kid,and we have yet to have one solid conversation about raising her. Thankfully our child is loved, but ex controls everything. I see her when she is working and that's pretty much it. I am not allowed to ask, hey what did you and daughter do yesterday, what did she eat so were not giving her the same food. All dealings with the kid goes thru grandma, who walksaround like the kid is hers, but she does lover her and I think she is paying the price of raising another child in her sixties because her neediness coupled with the fathers alleged abuse made ex and her brother like 2 6 year olds, even though they are in their 30's. What I percieved and was told by ex was that she was a woman with an overbearing mom and an abusive father. I was knight in shining armour, and she was damsel in distress. What a weak idiot I was, and never ever again with her.

The sex was kind of weak so that's out, I just felt bad for her and wanted to help, thought I loved her but now I know I didn't, she pretended to be someone else and not her true self so how do you love that. I lost my dad too and probably found a good way to avoid grieving, and she found a victim. My daughter is my life, I love her so much and she is an incredible kid. Ex contacts me at times and says she agrees we need to communicate more about child, interact a little better, she wants to be mre cooperative etc, and don't I see the big change in her. When I finally say okay sounds good, she avoids and it never happens. Happened last week yet again and I'm done with it, our lawyers can hash it out. Oh, and on a side note, we have been apart 2 1/4 years, no sex for almost 3 and I am happy to say my dad must have looked out for me. No signs for herpes and all tests negative, doctor even asked me to stop asking to be examined and tested, that I was fine. Phhhhew !!

Question for others from this thread who were in these type relationships, if he/she revealed to you they had herpes, would you have jumped ship right then and there ?