bye

im offically giving up on life... there nothing felt for me. everyone hurts me and i always suffer in the end i have been like this years nothing changed as im grown older.. this site wont change my mind cos everyone knows how ###$ up it is. yuppp goodbye

Jazzie, what's wrong? has someone hurt you, how? whether this site or anywhere else are ###$ up, you can learn you don't have to let people hurt you, because you don't have to let them treat you badly. im not going to tell you the world and everyone in it are all decent people, but you can learn to protect yourself from that stuff.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm so sorry you're going through this. A lot of the people here go through very similar things, including me.

It's OK to be different. It's OK if you're not miss popular. It always gets better. You might not feel like it now, but it will get better.

The site may not change your mind, but the people here can help to show you many different ways for dealing with life. And we all care.

I've been there it's hard I know but come talk. I feel like people hurt me on a daily basis and I worry that I'm not pleasing enough, but step back an looking at the full picture can really help you understand these thoughts.

If there's anything I/we can do to help please call out to

Coming

Also, one thing that's working for me right now is that there is NO guarantee that taking your life ends the pain. Almost every religion says suicide=damnation. It might make your situation worse. Don't make that decision. There is help out there, and like the last person said, we're all just like you. We're here to listen, we totally get it. This place has been a blessing for me, just having people who feel just like me and not being alone. Come here when you're feeling down.

I have tried everything to get myself better , i have been counselloring for over 6 years and im still losing everyone . im not loved by many cos of my unstable moods , i even lost my own father because of it and all i got is my mum barely hanging on ... i had a boyfriend for over a year and he made me so happy now we broke up and he told me he didnt love me , im broken , he was the only one i had left now im crying everynight , and begging him , going crazy at him for him back but i keep pushing him away but i dont know what to do cos i need him , after that feeling he gave me i cant let it go and if i do i know i will be alone i cant afford to hurt anyone else . i try and give them everything but in the end thats nothing to them i quit

Jazzie_confused94 wrote:I have tried everything to get myself better , i have been counselloring for over 6 years and im still losing everyone . im not loved by many cos of my unstable moods , i even lost my own father because of it and all i got is my mum barely hanging on ... i had a boyfriend for over a year and he made me so happy now we broke up and he told me he didnt love me , im broken , he was the only one i had left now im crying everynight , and begging him , going crazy at him for him back but i keep pushing him away but i dont know what to do cos i need him , after that feeling he gave me i cant let it go and if i do i know i will be alone i cant afford to hurt anyone else . i try and give them everything but in the end thats nothing to them i quit

Has the counselling you've had been the same over those 6 years? Are you on meds?

Don't quit, please. There are other ways out of this it's -- positive ways. It's a lot harder when you go to take your life, believe me I've been that close to death before.

Jazzie_confused94 wrote:I have tried everything to get myself better , i have been counselloring for over 6 years and im still losing everyone . im not loved by many cos of my unstable moods , i even lost my own father because of it and all i got is my mum barely hanging on ... i had a boyfriend for over a year and he made me so happy now we broke up and he told me he didnt love me , im broken , he was the only one i had left now im crying everynight , and begging him , going crazy at him for him back but i keep pushing him away but i dont know what to do cos i need him , after that feeling he gave me i cant let it go and if i do i know i will be alone i cant afford to hurt anyone else . i try and give them everything but in the end thats nothing to them i quit

Jazzie, firstly it is never a child's fault - even an adult child - for losing a parent. no parent should ever give up on their child, and if your behaviour was a result of your traumatic life, how is it your fault that you lost your father? why isn't he there helping you through this? That is his fault, not yours.

if what you are giving is nothing to people, you're giving it to the wrong people. i guess with BPD sometimes you will feel abandoned by anyone, even when they are not abandoning you, and its hard not to feel that way at times, but those problems are causing these things, not you, or what you are worth, or deserve. You are worth just as much, and deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else does.

Borderline emotions are like a raging cheetah going 75 mph. But don't trust that this cheetah will run forever, don't make rash decisions, for the cheetah can only run for 10 seconds.

Hang in there. Things WILL get better. Suicide is not the answer. I believe that there is a part of you that wants to fight this, else you would not have posted here.

Thanks guys , i wont its just one of those nights where i did nothing but cry all night and gave myself a headache.. i have lost alot and the doctors wont give me medcation because they think i can live without it .

people have such a big impact on my life and they have done nothing but bully me .. in my last post i wrote this big paragraph about my life

kayy more of my story here it comes , my mum and my father had me a baby to try and save their marriage but it didn't work , when i was of the age of only 1 years , i had to watch my mum get thrown into glass doors and beaten to death which was horrible at 2 years old they broke up and i never really saw my dads much because he didn't really care about me , around the age of 5 i started seeing him every second week , he was abusing me about how my mother doesn't bring us up right and how i seen how anger he gets. i changed from a private school to a public school my life went downhill , i was in and out of operations cos i had really bad ears and i couldn't hear good at all i was in and out of operations for about a year and since i had missed so much school that i had to repeat year two and the public school were only ones offering me help like one on one. i was fine until i reached year 3 when they put me into mainstream classes without no help , my grades were horrible and i started being bullied all the time , i ended up in the office crying everyday cos people would pull my hair , hit me and lie about me. it was awful ... a year 5 i went crazy i got suspended cos i was threating to kill people if they came near me cos i was so emotionally damaged , i can back to school a week later and i got bullied up again , in year 7 i was bullied so much , i pulled out all my eyelashes , burnt my wrist with my straighter and have scars , cut all my hair off and had to wear a wig cos i got teased even more. that was 2007 when it all finished and then high school was about to start so i thought oh well this is good , my dad had gotten himself a girlfriend two and over this holiday period , i was BULLIED by them , my dad started hitting me , punching me in the face saying he never cared , would drop me off somewhere and i would have to call help all because this gf didn't like me and i stood up for myself one day and punched her in the face , she called the police on me. i was so damaged and emotional i didn't no what to do . i was alone , my mum works all the time to support me and brother i have but my brother older so he doesn't have to go through what i did. then in the holidays three days before christmas i went out for dinner for my dads birthday with my brother but my brother took his car and went to a party after and i had to go home with my dad and his gf , we were driving home and someone run a red light and hit into our car , i was taken to the womens and children hospital cos the force of the accident moved my spine and gave me serious back issues , before i got into high school i had to go doctors all the time , i had chriopactor twice a week then i had to fit in specialist appointments plus more. as soon as i got into high school in the end i got nothing much fails.... d and e's which made me cry even more , i got a few little boyfriends on the side which i had never had to but i didn't get time for them. i wasn't allowed to play sport i wasn't even allowed to do anything cos it hurt to shower everyday . i had migraine constantly .

in the end i was nothing but failing and going through the same thing in year 8 and 9 which made my dad more angry and abusive my family was abusing me and my mum was too . i said i was trying the best i could and they didnt even believe me it shattered me . in the start of year 10 last year when i almost gave up hope i meet this guy through someone a school and he liked me he took my heart and make me feel like i was the world to him and i loved him so much , i went out with him even though i was 15 and he was 20 and so forward we went out for three months and i gave him everything just to keep him by my side. i loved him so much we broke up for two months then got back together to only just broken up two months ago , he helped me with my schooling , i use to wag cos i hated it so much and he made me go to school and say stuff. even though to boyfriend i had has heaps of problems couldn't get a job , bipolar massive and got upset over the little things had to always be right. it killed me but i stayed on cos i love the feeling of being loved. when we went out the second time thats when things got soo weird , he cheated on me once and then he hit me once it was awful but he cried to me and told me to say by him so i did cos i said i 'd leave if your gotta hurt me and he said noo , he got kicked outtta home and went to live with these people who dont like me , these people were fake and were nice one minute then angry the next it was horrible i did everything for him cos the house he moved into was fereal i cleaned every single room in that house until it was spotless and they were all thankful when they just watched me do it even with back problems and stuff they didnt even care , i stayed i gave him money and i bought him things all the time . he couldnt even afford to buy me a christmas present i was upset but i lived then this year he met more guy friends and they were fake i lend them stuff of mine for his friends to borrow so i had trust and $#%^ and then he friends turned around when i wasnt their and said break up with the bitch , go hook up with this chick , he told me and it KILLED ME ! i was soo upset and i went up to one of them and punched him in the face cos i had done so much for him and he saying $hit about me when he didnt even no me .

me and my ex boyfriend agured all the time about trust cos i had little trust in him cos he cheated , hurt and his friends were no good influences he said he had the right to go have some space from me which im no good to space cos i think i will lose them and in the end i didnt give him space i panicked and called him a 100 times in a hour , he changed his number blocked me and everything even after he knew i got kicked out and then i was unstable he made it worse... i cant even stand now to go to school i have fear of always being alone , i rather kill myself then hurt anyone else , no matter what i do is not enough , everyone of my friends have stolenn from me or hurt me but i still forgive them only cos i dont want to be alone



its really hard when all that has happened and to be able to try and stay strong ... im 17 this friday and i feel i have to be more mature than i really am cos i had so much happen its changed me ... i cry continuously !