Help can come in the most unlikely of places....

Nick my lawn mower man came over today to do my lawns. He hadn't been over for a while because he had been off sick with a back injury.
Anyway he asked how things were and how my BPD ex was. I told him we had split up, and after commiserating with me, he went on to comment about how he thought our relationship was very strong, and iron clad, and I said it was most of the time but he has serios mental health issues which he is unwilling to face. And Nick asked 'has he got bi-polar or something?' To which I replied, 'no he has 'borderline personality disorder'...and Nick looked at me and said 'you're kidding?' 'My ex g/f was borderline. Nick then went on to describe all her symptoms and they mirrored those of my ex BPD. He told me he was with her quite a while, she refused to get help, and he found the only way he could cope with her was just to carry on with his life, and ensure he had back up plans. He said he couldn't rely on her to be around for family outings etc so he would go anyway, he developed outside interests to her because she would never follow things through, if they started a new hobby, she would only go to the first couple of sessions then would deside she hated it and go onto something else.
To keep his sanity, these are the coping methods he had to develope. He also developed a thick skin, and learned very early on that it wasn't about him or anything that he was doing wrong, but all about her unstable emotions.
He aLSO tried to help his ex by going to therapy himself, and taking courses in counselling, and CDT, and learning all he could about her disorder so he could understand her better and help her.
He said in the end it all failed because eventhough he got her into therapy, she wouldn't stick to it, and that is the answer, sticking to it.....but as we know BPD's are not good at 'sticking' to things.
I learned alot today from my 'lawnmower man'.

That's a great story delljoy.
I'm often amazed at the things I learn by chatting to strangers. Sometimes it's surprising how much we have in common when we least expect it.

My old psychiatrist once told me when I began treatment that I was very inconsistent.

My reply to him was "Oh, well, that's a good observation Doctor, but with all due respect, I AM consistent; at being inconsistent..." I totally agree with your lawnmower man. 1/2 of the battle is sticking to things, even when they get tough; the other half is looking at yourself honestly.

I can never figure out if I can't stick to things because I blow up/melt down, or if I blow up or melt down so that I don't have to stick to things.
But I figure if I can just learn to avoid the crises, it's a moot point.