I admitted to my professor I have borderline

In English, we were supposed to write a persuasive research paper. It was supposed to be on any topic we were interested in. I decided to write one asserting that bpd is underdiagnosed. When I had a one on one meeting with my professor about my rough draft, he seemed so curious about why I chose to write about this topic, so I just admitted I have bpd. He told me that, though he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, he thought sharing some of my own experiences (as in much writing on psychiatric topics by people with the disorders they write about) would strengthen the paper a great deal. So I wrote about my experiences.

I am now TERRIFIED that he will think I'm CRAZY. I wrote the paper in such a way that I'm sure it makes it seem that I'm much better now than when I had the experiences I wrote about (which is mostly true), but still. Most people just don't get it. Most people can't even begin to understand why someone would do any given bpd behavior.

I'm worried he'll either give me a bad grade because he's horrified OR give me a good grade just so he doesn't upset me, which means that no matter what grade he gives me, I'll see something bad in it.

Sigh.

Writing the truth would be the best bet IMOH. I know sharing some of the information is rough (especially if its to an entire class) but if its just to the prof. then its much easier. Adding real life stories to the paper would def. give the paper more strengh and show that you have a good understanding of the subject. I doubht your professor will grade you based on his emotions, they are normally pretty good at being fair. But if you feel to uncomfortable or you feel that your comming off too strong then backup and reduce some of the power of your stories. I know i wrote a 45 page story about my life and showed it to my english teacher. He told me i should go see a counceler >.< lol.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I already turned the paper in, so whatever he thinks of it, it's not in my control anymore. I guess I should calm down. You're right. He probably won't let his emotions determine my grade. Whatever grade I get, it's most likely that it will be because of the skill with which I wrote the paper (rather than what it's about). Right?

Anyway, thanks again.

Kudos to you for doing this, and putting your own experiences out there the way you did. I think it will be fine. In my experience, professors appreciate insight like this, especially when it's mixed in nicely with solid research
Maybe to lighten your worries a bit...... Last semester in my public speaking class, I did an informative speech on Bipolar disorder(s).....this was VERY detailed. (and in front of my class; my teacher went through school with my father, btw, lol) At the end I had to give all of my references; two (of the five) were: myself, and my psychiatrist. I got a lot of praise from my teacher and classmates for being brave enough to put myself out there, as well as for being so knowledgeable. It was liberating, actually.
SO. I think you made a wonderful choice. No worries!!

We have to get our feelings out somehow. I also added information in a psychology paper last semester, they were fine with it although I beat around the bush. In English I have written about subjects which were off the list, the teachers gave me good grades based on creativity.

In the last week I hit crisis, had to drop my main 10 credit class class and in another class I could see a teacher sort of reaching out to me. I emailed her asking for help today.

Thanks everyone. I feel better about this now. I was reading over my paper, and I think my sharing of my experiences was well-written at least. I think it will strengthen my arguments.

hey thats a good sign that you care if you manipulating your profesor! haha

How am I manipulating my professor? He told me to share my experiences.

The best paper I ever wrote, to this day, was on the character of Blanche from "A Streetcar Named Desire" and my AP Lit teacher actually wrote on it that he felt passion in my writing. From that moment on I was convinced he knew something was wrong with me.

I didn't have a name for it, then. I was just a high school senior with a lot "problems" and the only class I put real effort into was English. There was just something about Blanche, though. I mean, I loved all the books we read that year. I'm such a lit nerd it's hard to find a book I'm not in love with, but "A Streetcar Named Desire" was, and will always be, one of my favorites. Everyone remembers Marlon Brando screaming "Stella" but no one has any idea what the book is about. It has nothing to do with Stella and her craptacular husband Stanley. They're minor players in this story of woman gone mad.

I connected to the character. The way she tried too hard to make her boyfriend love her, the way she covered up her lewd past, and her decent into madness. I just felt too close to all of it. So when I wrote that paper, in 40 minutes, I just let go.

My teacher, nice man though he was, saw something in that essay that he was never meant to see. From that day forward he could neither get me to write to feverishly or talk to me on the same level again. I was convinced he knew too much and he was... thrown for a loop, I guess. He told me later he wished he knew where that passion had come from. I told him I had just been writing what I knew. He said I should write more of it.

Admittedly, it's scary, but the strangest thing about English teachers is they usually just want to see your best writing... they really are wired differently than the rest of us.

<3

SmileXx wrote:The best paper I ever wrote, to this day, was on the character of Blanche from "A Streetcar Named Desire" and my AP Lit teacher actually wrote on it that he felt passion in my writing. From that moment on I was convinced he knew something was wrong with me.

I write fiction, and I have one novel I wrote in a month during a mixed episode (I'm bipolar too). I later showed it to an agent, and though she felt like I needed to fix some plot issues before sending her a full, she loved my voice. She pointed out that the tone made the world of the story seem unreal, precarious, and intense. I was dissociating hardcore during this time too (for me, it results in a sensation that the world is not real). I pretend to most people that I write these things just because I'm good at imagining other people's minds, but obviously that's not really the case.