***My personal experience with overcoming BPD***

I joined this forum for the sole purpose of desiring to give my personal advice to people that may need it (if I could help just one person even). BPD is awful, but in my opinion, it can be overcome. I hope SO MUCH that I don't upset or mislead anyone who reads this, as my intentions are nothing but compassion for those of you are going through what I went through.

I was diagnosed 6 years ago and went through all the classic symptoms. Not fun...and you all know what I mean. I'm still on medication, but I no longer receive therapy.

Now, before you read, you have to know that you want to get better, otherwise this message is rather pointless for you to read. I totally understand the borderline rut we can get stuck in...but if you want to stay there, then there is nothing that can be done about feeling better.

Here's the advice my personal experience can give:

1) It is a waste of time and emotions to depend on someone else to fill the void and bring you out of the "rut"...because they will never truly understand what you are going through (it's practically impossible). The one person that can know and understand you is yourself. Therapists don't even know what you're going through...studying BPD and experiencing it are two completely different things...and I'm sure most of you would agree with me on that. As for abandonment, the person who shouldn't be abandoning you is yourself. I know, it sucks hearing that, but please trust me, you will make progress once you start to reconcile with yourself.

2) You must learn how your mind works. When you feel an emotion you have to trace it to it's true origin (it takes a lot of work and dedication to do this). If you trace it to a traumatic experience and leave it at the feeling of woe, there is no solution but to further experience the woe. Once you realize where the emotion is coming from and what other experiences exacerbated it...accept it, and understand it...but don't judge it. Judging it will probably throw you right back into the rut.

3) Don't use extreme words...such as "failure" and "unworthy" and sometimes even "abandonment". These are just words, and there is a likelihood that by using extreme words that you'll further make your extreme emotions even more extreme (just by using the words). Learn to use a more varied vocabulary with your friends/lovers and express yourself with more than just extreme words. People without BPD are more likely to understand where you're coming from if you give them a more detailed and logical explanation of your emotions. And, they might even be able to help by giving advice (but you would have to be open to hearing it of course).

4) Don't take BPD as an identity. By identifying with it too much you inevitably force yourself into that frame of mind (which is the exact frame of mind we don't want). I understand the craving for an identity, but taking on an illness as an identity (especially BPD) can be very counterproductive.

5) Don't focus on the past unless you are trying to resolve it. Focusing on the past hardly ever works out in your favor.

6) Understand where the people without BPD are coming from. Yeah, they don't have the intense hardships we've gone through, but they also developed very differently from us. So, they are practically in a different reality. Don't expect too much from them, as they are human too, and "healthy" humans aren't even that sane themselves lol

7) Relationships aren't the answer!!! I know they seem like they could be, but they aren't. Yes, a good relationship can help (to a small or large degree), but a lot of the time it won't. Realistically many relationships will create the "I hate you, don't leave me" frame of mind. Be a good judge if you decide to get into a relationship. Don't ignore their bad qualities...but DEFINITELY don't ignore their good qualities (personality-wise). DON'T idealize them as the answer and saviour to all of your insecurities. The higher your expectations are, the more likely you are to be hurt.

8) What sucks about BPD is that once a negative emotion starts, it's hard to stop it. But, distracting yourself (even just temporarily sometimes) can help you to see the emotion from a different perspective and possibly allow more insight into why the emotion is occuring. You've got to really want to do this for it to work.

9) Regarding the depression...it's a tough one...extremely hard to overcome. What I do is realize that each day is a new day (I don't think it, I realize it). I'm far from an optimist, but it's reality that January 30th turns into January 31st. Allow yourself to change just as the days do. Resisting the change can be very upsetting.

Again, I'm very sorry if I have misled any of you or caused any anger or more hurt. My intentions are to try to help.
-Jimmy

This is great information!, very insightful and vital, also very much appreciated! Thanks for sharing

Thank you for that advice. I love your advice to not force or seek out a relationship to fill the void. It's something I'm starting to recognize in my own life and it was great to hear it from another person. This is weird, but instead of trying to really build deep relationships with the normals at work, I've sort of sat back and enjoyed just listening to them. I like them, hell, in the most basic way, I love them. But I'm horrible in relationships. I'm rude and selfish in conversation. It's a love/hate thing for me, but for them it's a F-U thing. So. . . they know something is going on. They know I'm quite. They're fine with me when I'm not crossing their boundaries. I really like to be around them when I'm just here, working, admiring and appreciating them from a distance. And nothing bad happens. It's kind of a happy place. And they're starting to like me more, so they are relationships, just not real intimate ones. I think people can respect and appreciate us even when we're more independent than the usual person.


It's really really really weird, I know, but I'm finding so much more happiness with less actual communication. I think they all know deep down I'm decent. I can see they have tolerance for me. IT's not like I'm not a part of the fabric here, I'm just hands off socially and it's really working for me.

HI,
thanks for your tips. It's a lot of the stuff I'm currently learning in DBT and it is slowly starting to come together, but it IS long-term and it DOES involve you making a committment to get "better". In a way, you're not getting better - you're simply learning to cope with life in a healthier way.

@SearchingforHope
I'm so glad I could give you some insight!! And you are very welcome!!


@MrEmMak
In my opinion, it's a very good thing that you're listening to people's conversations around you. You can learn a lot from it...at least I have (and still do! lol) I try not to be judgmental of their words/actions though as it can create unnecessary stress for me. Listening to people and learning their thought-patterns can really give you insight (but don't judge or compare them to your own thought-patterns too much). Just learn like you are already doing

In your spare time, and if you're curious as to why you are rude and selfish during relationship conversations like you've stated, think deeply about it for just a short amount of time. Forget all the classifications and symptoms you have learned of borderline or any illness just for this short amount of introspection (classifying and labeling your deep thoughts can cloud your mind and make it more difficult to dig to the source during this introspection). Basically, try to concentrate as intensely as you can on the very core of why you are rude and selfish in the relationship conversations, and don't let your mind be distracted by counterproductive thoughts just for this short amount of time. If the subject is extremely deep, it might take many attempts throughout the weeks/months/years to fully delve to the core of the particular issue you are trying to alleviate. Acknowledging the core of the problem, and understanding it, and not judging it, can really soften it. Once softened, for some reason things become a little more peaceful on that particular subject that you have fully acknowledged, and negative actions, words and thoughts that come from it slowly diminish in intensity. I don't know the psychology of this, but all I know is that it has helped me and I don't understand why yet. I don't mean to sound gross, but I've always likened this process to "popping a pimple"


@isoko49
I never went through DBT, I've heard it's great though! And yes, it can be a VERY long process. The amount of time it takes depends on the level of dysfunctional thoughts/behaviour and the level of dedication one has to alleviating their symptoms. In my personal opinion, It's possible in each of us in our lifetimes to overcome our symptoms if we wholeheartedly desire it and dedicate our thoughts and actions to attempting to do so..and medication for a number of people might be necessary of course but I couldn't be the judge of that.

edited

You are very welcome! I really hope it can be of help to you!

good post, Jimmy.

Thank you Murderface!

I wish i would have read that when I was first diagnosed, but I don't think it would have made a difference. I read that people with personality disorders don't try to get help until their disorder causes them trouble.... I think, for me, that holds true.