realisation VS excuse

Newly diagnosed but I've still have been been living with this for many years so want to ask the following:

I get the feeling from reading a lot of the posts that "we" are over analyzing this "condition" everyday, trying to find an answer, trying to find an excuse for our actions...

Why is it that we can't just accept the condition and deal with it!? Yeah blunt I know, but maybe, kinda a question we all want to ask...

Can't we just stop! Stop finding studies, stop finding articles, stop searching and just accept the diagnosis... Am I being too blunt too shallow, too self absorbed?? I don't know?? I just constantly read the same thing and yet I get no new insite...

I read this back which I wouldn't normally do, I would just post it, and maybe I'm just ranting, justifing, self destructing and or wanting more answers... Anyhow input/opinions would be great

Sorry if I've over stepped the mark - or am I

Well, a big part of borderline personality is fear/anxiety/abandonment/etc. . . . Anyone newly diagnosed who's highly fearful, anxious and empty, might desire a little education before they just expose themselves to new pain.


I think that's what the studies do for me. They make me feel less guilty for being what I've always considered less of a person than everyone else. They help me connect dots that I would be too afraid to connect in therapy. I'd be so focused on fear that I think therapy would be hard.

Reading about BPD, for me, makes me feel better about me and more sure of where I'm trying to go. It's what I need to get over my fear and get into therapy in a more productive way. Therapy is tough with BPD ya know. Often times it's ineffective. Maybe some of this self study helps us get over hurdles we wouldn't get over otherwise.

In time, maybe we'll be calm, trusting and curious about life and ourselves in general. Maybe we'll be like what therapists want us to be and what normals expect us to be. In the meantime, I'm fearful to jump in and it drives me to research.

blunt? no, more naive.

get the feeling from reading a lot of the posts that "we" are over analyzing this "condition" everyday, trying to find an answer, trying to find an excuse for our actions...

yes many of us are trying to find answers, yes many of us over analyze things, no on trying to find an excuse for our actions. An excuse would be.. because I have bpd and I manifest these symptoms I can do whatever the f*** I want. I think what would be more correct is trying to find answers as to why we do the things we do. The underlying reason and not the label bpd.

Why is it that we can't just accept the condition and deal with it!? Yeah blunt I know, but maybe, kinda a question we all want to ask...

This is a bpd support forum, many have been through dbt, many of us seeing psychologists/psychiatrists/therapist so I think the people in the forum have accepted it and are dealing with it.

Can't we just stop! Stop finding studies, stop finding articles, stop searching and just accept the diagnosis... Am I being too blunt too shallow, too self absorbed?? I don't know?? I just constantly read the same thing and yet I get no new insite...

several reasons... bpd is NOT widely understood. I live in the greater Cincinnati area, and I've found only two places that are trained to deal with bpd. Finding studies, artcles has absolutely NOTHING to do with acceptance. It has to do with understanding, learning and more knowledge for our conditions.

Knowing about the disorder helps me accept it. There might be people who just got up one day, were treated horribly and developed BPD through environment. I think the great majority were born with it and it's confusing as hell being born different than everyone else. Traditional common sense doesn't work for us. We've been left to find our own ways to cope with a debilitating condition. Therapists are still trying to find effective ways to treat us. Even they DON'T KNOW and are researching. It's the most researched mental illness right now, #1. For me, to all of a sudden find out there is a reason life has been so difficult for me, it's a weight off my chest. Now I know many of the areas effected by BPD. I'm 30 years old. I'd imagine most of the 30 year olds have gotten some pretty darn solid coping techniques over the years ON OUR OWN, WITH NO EDUCATION. To get education helps me recognize, then feel my emotions rather than belligerently hide them. That knowledge alone, with NO therapy, I guarantee it will make a difference in the rest of my life.

We're not normal people who've chosen to be maladapted to life. We're people with brain chemistry that's maladapted to life and we're struggling to find a way to cope with this unique set of emotions, emotions that don't blend well with humanity.

Do people tell someone cognitively disabled, to get out there and expect equal results to someone who's not? Do we expect diabetics to manage their own insulin levels? Sure, the cognitavely disabled can work really really hard to get close. But what if close means nobody wants to be around you. Oh well, tough $#%^ for that guy. There's something wrong with him. He'll just have to grind it out. Maybe a smart thing to do is find a job that works for him, people who accept him, etc. The diabetic, maybe he can run, eat healthy and keep it under control, but maybe not. The problem with out disorder, is there is no great way to treat it. It's a struggle. The more we know about it, the better directed our struggle can be. Who's to say DBT is the only way to help cope? Who's to say that is a perfect treatment. Of course we are going to learn. It's our lives.

We've always tried to make the best of our situation. Now with new knowledge and self awareness, I'll bet our efforts are a lot better.

We're not normal people who've chosen to be maladapted to life. We're people with brain chemistry that's maladapted to life and we're struggling to find a way to cope with this unique set of emotions, emotions that don't blend well with humanity.

Applauds MrEmMak. Couldn't have put it better myself.

I'm similar to many of the others who have already replied - the more I know, the more likely I am to be able to find ways of coping with the condition. Maybe you've been lucky enough to not have had major episodes in your life, but I've had a lifetime of feeling different and being treated like sh^t because of it, resulting in 2 and a half years of my life lost in hospital (while missing out on my kids growing up - my youngest didn't even know that mummy was supposed to live at home and not hospital until she was 3). If reading new research helps me fit another piece of the jigsaw into place then I'm all for it. And it also helps other people understand me better too - when I read something that makes me go "ting - that's me!" then I pass it around family and friends so they can put that jigsaw piece into place too.

I disagree entirely that by spending time here, posting questions, answering questions, that I am trying to "excuse" my behaviour. that really p*sses me off; I'm the same with people who insist that I am manipulative and imply that I choose to behave this way. I would never choose to live this way - like MrEmMak says, it's brain chemistry. You don't tell someone with cancer that it's their fault (unless it's something really obvious like lung cancer from smoking for 30 years).

Bleah.....rambling now. It just really upsets me when anyone implies I'm being self-indulgent or trying to find excuses. I simply appreciate this forum for the support it gives - and i've only been here for a couple of days. But it's the one place where I can read something and connect....it's the validation I need, I guess.

Heck yeah isoko,


A lot of us feel horrible about who we are. Understanding ourselves (why we've done what we've done) helps us to not repeat it and it also helps us to feel better about ourselves because we didn't have a good way of handling our emotions. Now we can say, "look, I didn't know how harmful and bizarrely misguided I used to me. The next time this emotion comes up, I'm going to own it."

Right now I feel dread inside, but I don't look across my cube at my coworker and think he's out to get me anymore. Now I realize that dread is inside me and has nothing to do with him. With that, I'm a better person to him, to myself and to the world. That's just one small example.

And we have strengths. There is a list of positive characteristics of borderlines. It's a pretty awesome list and really describes me. It helps me keep my self esteem up. Those things empower me and make me feel like despite all I've done, I can still be a good dad, husband and coworker.

http://www.aapel.org/bdp/BLemophaniaUS.html

Thank you for embracing my comment/opinion/question and not just shooting me down

After I posted I realised myself that the post was for myself away of gaining knowledge, insight and understanding. I didn't want to offend anyone and my apologises if I did. It also helped my to calm the anger I was feeling towards myself instead of lashing out at someone around me. This is a hard illness to deal with and some days I constantly question it and in a way fight it.

Nothing wrong with fighting it- that's how we get better, right?

I wish there was more information out there- why does this happen? Why do we feel and act and think this way? How do we fix it?

Me, I research it so that I can explain why I do or say certain things, and learn to control it better.