I just need some feedback...please and thank you!!

Hey guys,

I'll just cut right to the chase: I need some feedback on the relationship I'm in.

For starters, me (BPDer) and my bf's (Non) relationship has been long-distance since August last year. He lives in Colorado and I'm out in Virginia. We met on a dating website in June of last year and since then we've seen eachother twice; once for a long weekend (he flew here), and the second time was me flying there for winter break (2 and a half weeks).

From the very beginning I've made it a point to be honest with him. I told him right off the bat about my BPD and what exactly that meant, and how it would affect him. He said that he's had some experience dealing with mentally ill people, and assured me that he could handle me, and that whatever happened we'd work it out together.

Well so far that's exactly what's happened. Now obviously it hasn't been all peaches-and-cream; we've had our share of arguments but nothing serious. We fell in love pretty early (about a month in we told eachother how we felt) but we've made it this far......
Anyways, the point is I'm planning on moving out to be with him come this June, and I'm wondering if it seems worth the risk............

Sooo, any questions? Comments? Concerns?
If anybody wants more clarification on something I said, or some other detail that wasn't addressed, ask away and I'll answer gladly. I just wanted to get the gist of the situation down. I know this is pretty vague but like I said, I'm more than happy to give more details!

Thanks for all your advice, suggestions, and feedback! Much appreciated

I don't think anyone should tell you not to move out there. It may be an uphill battle, but this person may be the one.

It's kind of hard to answer without knowing how you've done with past relationships/friendships and to what extent it affects you.

The pros...

You've both managed to stay committed to a long distance relationship for almost a year. That's difficult for anyone, most long distance relationships like this tend to fizzle out quickly.

The cons....

You've spent limited time together in person.

Being together in person for much longer periods of time is going to be a lot different than speaking on the phone or video chats. I think your past relationships will give you some insight on how this may go.

If you want to move.. then I say do it! It's really smart how you've been honest right from the beginning and the fact that he seems to understand mental illnesses it amazing! That's pretty rare to come by. In my relationship ( 6 years now & I'm engaged).. I didn't have full on BPD for the first 2 years.. I only started to show signs. It was confusing to my fiance & to me.. we didn't know why I changed for a long time. Going into the relationship with both of you knowing you issues is an advantage. I hope everything goes great with you & your guy!

cboxpalace wrote: I think your past relationships will give you some insight on how this may go.

Well, I've only had a few real relationships (as I'm very picky about who I'm with) but I've always been honest with them about my BPD.
The first one was a mutual break-up; the last two the guy dumped me. In reverse chronological order: he wasn't ready to get married (I was engaged); his ex-girlfriend came back; we broke up amicably.

I'm just not sure about moving around 2000 miles and subsequently having to start my life over (not that it's necessarily going to be hard, as I consider myself a pretty adaptable person, but still). Am I wrong to be feeling some cold feet here? I love him more than any guy I've ever been with by an unfathomable long shot......*sigh* part of me is very nervous about actually being around him, and even though he's said that he'll do everything in his power to get me back on meds (that's something I want), and if need be start going back to therapy/counseling, I'm still leery. Is this just my BPD talking? Then again, another part of me thinks that perhaps we owe it to ourselves to find out what will happen.
Blech, I feel awful for second-guessing now of all times, since it's so close, but I'd like to hear what someone else with BPD thinks. Provide a check of sorts.

Anyways, thanks cboxpalace for responding

oreocookiezie wrote:I'm just not sure about moving around 2000 miles and subsequently having to start my life over (not that it's necessarily going to be hard, as I consider myself a pretty adaptable person, but still). Am I wrong to be feeling some cold feet here?

First off, I think your honesty in this relationship is commendable. I think that took guts, so clearly you have a fearless, strong side to you (or perhaps you're a gambler, ready to take a chance for the payoff). This cold feet feeling would/should be there for anyone facing a change like that. (BPD or not) There are no guarantees in life, especially in relationships with others (so much being out of your control). Trust your instincts. It's been working so far and may continue that way. You'll never know unless try. Is this safe? What in life ever really is? Gamble on it, because the payoff/reward may be great. Fingers crossed for you, good luck.

Lilycat10 wrote: Going into the relationship with both of you knowing you issues is an advantage. I hope everything goes great with you & your guy!

Thank you Lilycat10! Sorry I didn't express my gratitude in my earlier post,I dunno how I missed your reply! But again, thank you very much; it is a rare thing to find someone that's wholeheartedly open and willing to dealing with a BPDer in a romantic relationship, and I should not take it for granted!

Iwoya wrote:There are no guarantees in life, especially in relationships with others (so much being out of your control). Trust your instincts. It's been working so far and may continue that way. You'll never know unless try. Is this safe? What in life ever really is? Gamble on it, because the payoff/reward may be great. Fingers crossed for you, good luck.

Hmm........very true Iwoya, very true. You're absolutely right, life isn't never just mapped out all clean and static. And it's nice to know that there's nothing wrong with having a touch of cold feet. Thanks so much for your insight!