Please, Need help with my relationship!

I was in a 3 year relationship and it recently ended due to something terrible i did. me and my SO were on a break before it happened for reasons that had nothing to do with me, she felt there was something missing and she wasnt sure what she wanted (i was her first everything) she says she never got to experience going out and the club scene etc. I never felt like the relationship was a problem for me, I always loved her and i still do to this day. After this terrible thing happened she broke up with me, but we still remained friends (this happened about 2 months ago) We are doing OK day to day, but I miss her so much (she tells me she misses me a lot and still loves me and wants to help me) and I want to get back with her, fix the relationship and start it over for the RIGHT reasons, she agrees but says she needs time to figure out what she wants first, I dont know how long that will take or even if in the end she still wants a relationship with me. I do and this is killing me, not being able to be with her like tht, im having anxiety that she will meet someone else(she tells me that she doesnt think she will find anyone as good as me) and I constantly need to be re-assured that is not the case. I dont want her to leave me for good, im afraid of her rejecting/abandoning me. I dont know what to do, my mind is always on this situation and whats going to happen. I am constantly analyzing what she does or says to me. It's really hard I just need some advice :/

Well, to be honest, I think the relationship is over.

If you appear needy or smothering, which it seems you already have been by asking for reassurances, you'll definitely drive her away. I have a feeling that you'll continue to be needy and smothering, and not be able to change that.

The best thing is to go on about your life and don't give her the time of day. If she's still into you she'll back, for whatever crazy reason this is a game that women like to play.

Alot of the time though when people say they need space it's their way of breaking up. They just don't have to guts to say it.

It's hard not to be. we have 3 years of memories along with being together almost every day. I wana be able to just give her space and time to figure out what she needs to, im just afraid in that time shes gonna possibly realize she doesnt wana be with me again/try the relationship again with me. this is just an extremely hard time right now. I'm having anxiety almost all day every day i just cant stop thinking! and analyzing everything she does

You need to realise other things are just as important.

If someone was chasing you down that street with a knife...........you'd probably not be thinking about her.

Or say.......if you suddenly couldn't breathe..........you'd be too concerned with that.

You're only preoccupied with this, because this is your current biggest problem. But the problem, isn't with her........it's with BPD.


There are a whole host of reasons why you should not let this ruin every moment you have.

1. Worrying about it isn't going to solve anything
2. Worrying about it, is going to make it worse
3. You're wasting precious moments you'll never get back
3.A) Precious moments, you could be using to workout, further your career, learn new stuff.......things that will make you more attractive to her


The most important, is number 1. Worrying about it, is illogical. It solves nothing.



I know it's hard. But you've got to really realise and believe, in all those reasons i just gave you. Add more if you can.

And work to believe them. WORK! (it's hard, it's hard...it's work)


Make a list of reasons........and carry them around if you have to.

Instead of worrying about her...........worry about the list of reasons.


It's kind of like training your mind.

You know not to touch a hot stove............because it will hurt. You know that.

Thinking about this, needlessly.........will hurt. It does. You know that. You just don't think it's stupid, so you keep doing it.
You need to really see that it's just as stupid as touching the hot stove.

Twistedmister wrote:There are a whole host of reasons why you should not let this ruin every moment you have.

1. Worrying about it isn't going to solve anything
2. Worrying about it, is going to make it worse
3. You're wasting precious moments you'll never get back
3.A) Precious moments, you could be using to workout, further your career, learn new stuff.......things that will make you more attractive to her

I've just been trying really hard to please her/ do everytihng right by her/giving her time so maybe one day she'll wana get into a relationship with me again. I hope that is the case, but you are right worrying about it right now wont do anything and I dont want to seem needy or smothering/annoying(she says im not, she said she can easily tell me to leave but she doesnt want to, she wants me there). I wana give her her needed space because she is bombarded with school/work/homework that all that is top priority right now. But everything is just so hard to deal with right now, I find myself crying over almost every thing lately (even in front of her). Thanks a lot tho Twisted, I needed something like that.

Just act how you acted when she wanted to be with you.

Just go back to that and you will be golden. It's like going back into time