Cleaning/ moving desires?

I have these intense desires to get rid of things- every time I clean my room, I don't want to save nearly anything, especially something that reminds me of the past, in any way. I trash all kinds of things most people would save (old school things, notes, reminders of old friends..) Its as though the past is all so painful for me that all I want to think about is the future or maybe once in a while the present, so I want everything to be empty and reflect my desire to have the life I want one day (and not the life I've had already.) Everything (clothes, objects, pictures) represent a certain time, and I can't stand to look at most of them, save for a few that I have somehow taken as positive symbols- and most of those don't have real sentimental value, I just like that they are pretty- if I look pretty in a photo, I like it.. that's the only factor to me, and if I'm not alone, I crop the other person out so they can't ruin the picture to me. Objects: I just want to get rid of everything. My dream is to live in a loft apartment with a white bed and nothing else that I haven't chosen to be there. Not being able to control my surroundings drives me crazy, and sometimes just being at home makes me miserable 1. because my family drives me crazy and 2. their possessions drive me crazy. I can't control how loud they are, how they will try to interact with me, or anything. any of this familiar, or is it just me?

I have the opposite problem. I can't part with anything. I keep meaningless scraps of paper. I think I may end up being a hoarder one day.. I'm well on my way already.

I get very irritated by family as well. The loud noises they make, walking in my way, asking me to do things..etc. I wish I could tell them all what to do and have them listen. That would be great.

Lilycat10 wrote:I have the opposite problem. I can't part with anything. I keep meaningless scraps of paper. I think I may end up being a hoarder one day.. I'm well on my way already.

I think I officially am a hoarder. My old apartment (three bedroom) had one bedroom that I just considered a walk-in closet. By the time I moved, there were boxes in there with clothes I hadn't touched in over 12yrs.

I relate.

You want to control the emotions you feel..........so you want to control your environment.

What upsets you about the past?


For myself.........i'm not even sure. I feel like i was happier then? Even though i wasn't. Maybe it just reminds me of failures? (anyone in the past, not loving me now....somehow is my failure)


Empty space is nice. No clutter..........less to lose. Less to deal with.