emailing bpd gf's DBT therapist

I was wondering if anyone knows of a standard protocol for emailing SO's DBT therapist?

I emailed the therapist with the heading FYI:
Stating directly that I did not expect a response.
I'm basically just making sure that my gf is telling the whole story, which she has a tendency not to.

I informed my gf that an email was sent, but now she is demanding that it be read to her verbatem,
Do i have a right to privacy on this matter?

I'm a little afraid that she is going to flip out on me for this.

What should I do?

nerdmaufia wrote:I was wondering if anyone knows of a standard protocol for emailing SO's DBT therapist?

I emailed the therapist with the heading FYI:
Stating directly that I did not expect a response.
I'm basically just making sure that my gf is telling the whole story, which she has a tendency not to.

I informed my gf that an email was sent, but now she is demanding that it be read to her verbatem,
Do i have a right to privacy on this matter?

I'm a little afraid that she is going to flip out on me for this.

What should I do?

Hi Nerdmaufia,

Could you please elaborate on your situation? What was the “whole story” that you felt her DBT therapist needed to know? Do you ever interact with this therapist or see her as a couple? Unless your girlfriend was accusing you (or someone else) of something potentially illegal or heinous, I don’t understand why you would reach out to the therapist in the first place.

In my personal opinion you’re the one who invaded her privacy. You interjected yourself into her therapy without permission or invitation. What she discusses in therapy is private and it was disrespectful of you to interfere. I’ll reiterate that unless she was doing or saying something to cause great concern, you shouldn’t have emailed her therapist.

A part of me wonders if you didn’t want to punish your girlfriend for some reason. It just seems like such an underhanded thing to do. Why would you tell her about sending the email and then refuse to share it with her? If you’re so worried about her being dishonest, why not be honest yourself? Who wouldn’t be upset to know that their significant other sent an email about them being a liar?

If you’re concerned about her being dishonest, then see a therapist together as a couple and work on your communication skills. If you need privacy and help for yourself, find a therapist of your own. I just don't think you should meddle in her therapy unless you're asked to do so.

I think, she has a RIGHT <------------------------------- RIGHT...............to read the email.

And this is me saying this........i'm not really big on people's rights.


But i think, this is clearly crossing the line.

I have no issue with you emailing her therapist.............but you should of done it privately.

Now that she knows, you have broken the trust she was building with her therapist. In her paranoid/abandonment fearing mind..........the therapist has been compromised and it's now you and her therapist, having some sort of email relationship that she is isolated from.


Doesn't matter if this is irrational. It is HER therapist.

You interfered and now you should man up and pay the consequences.


I certainly understand your wanting to talk to her therapist. You should of let her, either sit with you as you typed the letter.........or come to an appointment together.


I think if you are serious about helping her get better...........you will show her the letter, along with a huge apology.........regardless of what it says. You perhaps even should ask the therapist (who i would assume WILL) to show her the letter.

nerdmaufia wrote:I was wondering if anyone knows of a standard protocol for emailing SO's DBT therapist?

I emailed the therapist with the heading FYI:
Stating directly that I did not expect a response.
I'm basically just making sure that my gf is telling the whole story, which she has a tendency not to.

I informed my gf that an email was sent, but now she is demanding that it be read to her verbatem,
Do i have a right to privacy on this matter?

I'm a little afraid that she is going to flip out on me for this.

What should I do?

In order:

1. No. Unless your g/f or her therapist ask, stay out of it.
2. She has to learn to tell the whole story--that is part of what therapy is about. If you add stuff, you are cheating your g/f and making it HARDER for her to get better.
3. No. You have no "right to privacy" on this question.
4. I defer to the BPs here, but as a non-BP I would suggest letting her read the entire email.

You need to offer love and support to her, and to let her know you're happy to help if she wants it (and if her therapist thinks it would be beneficial).

Be happy she is working with someone. I've posted elsewhere about my two years with a BP who I loved dearly but who did not even acknowledge that she might need help.

Thank you everyone for the response. I will share it with her and apologize.

I have participated in the sessions a few times. I Intervened like this once before, and my gf actually thanked me for it. Automaticftp that explains everything, and it's more or less what she was saying anyway. Thanks again.

yea... that is a definate "no no".

- Thisislabor.

That could of ended so badly....