At a crossroads... What to do???

Hey, everyone...

Sooo I'm in the process of getting treatment for bpd and want to do everything I can to make sure I stay on that path, even though it is so tempting and would be too easy just to ditch therapy and fall back into that hole of self-destructive behavior and instability that is so familiar.

I feel like I should shield myself from the general public and those I know and love to avoid hurting them. I've recently come to realize that the group of friends I've been hanging out with lately are NOT people a healing borderline should be hanging out with... they drink every night and seem to always be entangled in eachother's drama. I (being a lesbian) have come to like a girl in this group. She is on unemployment and unmotivated, and is a self-proclaimed alcoholic. I feel like these people are toxic but I really like them.

I've been considering quitting drinking altogether because I have NO willpower or self-control when I'm at the bar, and a very small amount of alcohol impacts my judgement pretty severely. I tried to go out with them and not drink, but am rarely successful. Some of my friends in another peer group also party quite a bit, and they plan to get recklessly wasted and talk about drinking to the point where they start fights or end up in jail. I haven't hung out with them in a while, and I think they resent me for it.

What do I do concerning the people I'm hanging out with, and how do I tell them they aren't healthy people for me to be around? I don't want to upset anyone, and I'd like to maintain a friendship... eventually... with them... Is that even possible? It doesn't seem realistic to me. The girl I like also likes me and I'm pretty sure she's developed some pretty strong feelings for me. How do I let go of that?! I didn't mean to string her along until I had my little selfish breakthrough. This is why I just feel like protecting everyone from me! Not to mention the lesbian community here is full of all sorts of drama... I wish I could just disappear and start new with hindsight. I know a fair amount of people because of my tendency to cycle through different friend groups... which I hate.

Anyway... any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

You don’t need to have an awkward conversation about their bad influence. In fact, you don’t have to make this about them at all. Correct me if I’m wrong, but my guess is that the time you spend with them is spent mostly at bars or similar surroundings. I would start by gently pulling away. Don’t call them to hang out and when they invite you to socialize, let them know that you’ve quit drinking. You can’t be around alcohol or bars period. If they’re social life relies heavily on the bar scene and getting drunk, it won’t be long before they stop calling altogether.

In the meantime I would work on building social contacts with those who share your goals. Don’t eliminate your social life entirely.