Completely Self-Absorbed

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Well, I agree, you do sound like a bitch. But i disagree that you can't help it. It may be hard to help it....that's probably why you are a bitch. It's just easier than doing things for others.

Where do you guys, find people that put up with this type of stuff?? Maybe i'm just delusional, but i never find people like that. I'm slightly jealous or something.

Like i have this friend(in theory, actually i don't like her).....her boyfriend cheated on her, cheats on her, has a profile on a dating website....lies about it, he's hit her, attacked his own father infront of her.....he's a bum, has no money, drug problem, he's ok looking but not really....he's shrimpy and he's not very bright. Basically he's a total loser.
She's cute enough. It's not like she couldn't find anyone else....and she likes meeting new people, so it's not like she's some hermit or anything. Her last boyfriend was normal....so it's not like she just dates losers.....

Anyways, i often wonder why people put up with people like him, you (assuming you aren't just being hard on yourself, i don't actually know you).......and i often wonder why i haven't found any.
I guess maybe some of my exes might disagree.....but i doubt it. I'm nice. I mean, i'm good and pretending to be nice.

See, i think maybe you need to learn how to pretend to be nice. Or maybe i should just stop pretending to be nice...... i don't know.

But yeah, in answer to your question......most other BPD's are self-absorbed. The worst kinds are the ones that think they aren't, but clearly are. Atleast you're aware you might be......that's like really positive actually. : )

LOL....your therapist is probably going to tell you you're a good person. People generally always say stuff like that.

Like, everytime i tell anyone what kind of person i am.....when i reveal a lot of my negative qualities/thoughts....they always seem so invested in convincing me i'm really nice. I'm great and i'm not really like that........
I think it's because, most people are horrible anyways. So they don't like it when other people become self-aware of what kind of jerks they actually are.....because that way, if they forgive you and reassure you you're ok....then they themselves feel like "i'm ok".

It's all about accepting yourself i guess. If you're fine with being a bitch, that's cool.
I think it's better owning upto it...then deluding yourself and trying to get others to delude you into believing you're some wonderful person.
You don't have to be a wonderful person. Non-wonderful people are happy and have good things happen to them all the time.

I'm not happy being the way I am. I always joke about being elitist and such because I think I'm better than others even though I have no friends except this one boyfriend. I think the elitism is more low self-esteem. I don't like being uncaring towards him. Because the next thing I know, he might give up on me if I do something really horrid, and then I'll be left with no one. I'm not an open bitch. It's more of an inside thing. That was really the first time I acted on my "not caring". I think it was the hypomania that made me not care to openly be what I was feeling inside. I'm usually like you said, "pretending to be nice". But in reality, I'm completely self-absorbed.

I hope my therapist doesn't say that. I do have bitchy qualities about me that I don't feel wholly comfortable with. I think its part of my Borderline reactions and I'd like to change it. I'd like to know the root of this problem and why I don't care for others. Is it a protective brain mechanism like the whole of BPD is?? I don't know. I'm sure he'll agree that what I did to my bf was NOT nice or caring.

I used to be pretty invested in thinking i was better than everyone too. I still kind of am. Totally am, depending on the moment.

And yeah, it does come from low self-worth. Most borderlines, create a facade of superior feelings, to compensate for feeling worthless. For me, this is quite evident in my sexual fantasies/desires.
Most of my fantasies involve pain/rejection/humiliation...that sort of thing. One theory is, that this is my subconscious trying to express its feelings of worthlessness/inferiority.

I'm not overly caring either. I do pretend, i'm really really good at making my partners feel like i really care about them, but in reality i care very little. Being aware of how little i care, beyond selfish, deeply selfish reasons.....is new for me. Usually i'd just dismiss it....or i'd feel extremely guilty and resentful. It was hard to be around someone you're suppose to love, when you feel nothing for them.

But yeah, i have strong narcissitic features. Perhaps you may aswell?

That's why i don't care very much, beyond how it may affect me.....about people.

Which i mean, i feel so strongly and deeply about people....it was hard for me to realise/acknowledge this. It seemed like so wrong. "what? but i care about her so much"

Coming to grips with it, isn't totally easy. But it's something i have to acknowledge.

I've got a friend, with BPD....who i would swear is the same way. ( i could be wrong) But she became pretty enraged/disgusted when i suggested she might be the same way. (her actions in many instances indicated she was, some extreme selfishness was noted)

But anywho...it's not that you don't care for others. It's just that the way you care for others, centres around you. (if you are indeed, like me)

That's what caring is, really. It's just that we're less deluded about it. (if we're aware)

It's just easier to say, "i care about sally because sally makes me feel good" is wrong, compared to "i care about sally, because i love her".

I mean, we're conditioned to believe that love is some magical thing, that is good and pure. And when the way we love, doesn't seem so good and pure, we're conditioned to believe that our love is somehow less valid.
Of course, it may be less healthy for us or less helpful to others.....but that doesn't make it less valid.

So don't feel too guilty if you find it hard to care about people, beyond your own selfish reasons. Because, anyone who cares about anything, does so for their own reasons. And that is the definition of selfish. Passion can't be divorced from reason, without reason, there is no passion.
People who aren't passionate about things, can't acertain the value of anything. They've done studies on people with limited emotions.....they'll give someone like that a red pen and a blue pen and ask them to choose one and draw a picture.
They subjects, will take hours and hours....just trying to decide what pen to use. Because they can't see the point of choosing one pen over another. They also don't care about how long they take to make their decision or what the people watching must think.........theoretically, you could put a baby and an eldery person infront of them, hand them a gun and say shoot one.
Almost everyone on earth, would shoot the eldery person without giving it much thought....but a person with no emotions, wouldn't be able to choose. It wouldn't matter to them that the baby was innocent and the eldery person already lived a long life....without any emotions, those things just wouldn't matter.


Just because i care about people differently than most people seem to......doesn't make me a bad person. I'm no better or worse than anyone else. And neither are you. So whether we feel superior or worthless, that's just based on our own emotional understanding of the value associated with those feelings.
Same goes for us not caring about someone we're supposed to love.....the way the people we love seem to care about us, it's all just based on how we assign value to our thoughts.

You do care about your boyfriend......just differently than you'd like.

The way we define what is important, is why anyone cares about anything. So, i'm guessing, the reason you didn't help your boyfriend, is because you felt good and in that moment, you just couldn't feel why it was important to help make your boyfriend feel good. His pain just didn't exist, because it wasn't yours.

I'm not sure why i'm like that. Genetics? My mother wasn't very nice to me a lot of the time. My dad disappeared, so did my brother. I guess i just learned to see the world as a hostile place and i was always just having to defend myself from everything in it. All that ever mattered was me, because i never felt like i mattered much to anyone else.? As a result, everything became about me. Good things/bad things, were all based on me. If something bad happened, it was because i'm bad. If something good happened, it was because i was good.

As a result, that's how i am with people. They're just props to make me feel good or bad. An extentsion of the universe that has been attacking/rewarding me all throughout my life.


Of course, it is a protective brain mechanism.........but it's important to understand, all brain mechanisms are protective. The reason "normal" people care about people the way they do, is a protective brain mechanism aswell.