Going for Dx today by LPC, Thursday by MD

Previously Dx'd bi-polar, but I knew it didn't fit. My mood swings are not the same as BP and I have other symptoms (many) that do not fit BP. So....I bought tons of books and read on everything myself...

Well, I have read the books, gotten confirmation from the few people who know me best. (Of course, some of my friends "think I'm crazy for thinking I'm crazy!" LOL.....I use that term jokingly....I do not think I'm crazy....just emotionally challenged.) I am a 3.85 GPA honors student on a full scholarship in a leading program for my major. I have been pretty successful at work, although I have had more jobs and careers than I can count. (Never fired, I always quit...but the longest I've had is about 1 1/2 years then I was afraid I was going to start being "found out" for my emotional issues since the job was wearing on me...so I quit...Plus, I just didn't have it in me anymore. The love was lost...One of my friends (I only have 1 really close one that has known me since we were 16) says I did the same thing with guys in high school. I would date about a month or so and feel like they liked me more than I liked them and dump them. The ones I liked more dumped me....because I was clingy and desperate I think. They could tell something wasn't "right".

Anyway - I am about to leave for my BIG appointment. Two hour diagnostic appt. with a new therapist (LPC, NCC trained in DBT and BPD). Then, next Thurs, I go to psychiatrist for his professional opinion - to be made in a simple 50 minute appt!!!! How can an MD Dx BPD from 50 min....I'm told the nurse will ask the questions, then I will meet w/ the dr. for only a few minutes. I guess they just want to drug me up before I get there. Drugs have not worked for me ONCE...Short of anti-anxiety meds like klonopin (doesn't always work to calm me down or help me sleep) and neither have Xanax or BP meds like lamictal and anti-depressants.....they actually make it worse...I'm not usually depressed (at least not as I view depression) but I am not happy either and haven't been in a very long time. I've had substance abuse issues (done w/ that after getting arrested for PI in the most impossible way no one has ever gotten arrested for PI for....). I have had shopping/credit issues, somewhat co-dependent but alters with independent and pushing people away. Attracted to and married three guys - none of which worked and all of which lived off me (including one who still does and is a recovering alcoholic...but still early on). Of course, all these guys take the attention off me and make me look amazing to my own family....but not everyone buys it. Especially those who are more neutral...

My life is pretty much an emotional mess despite the outward appearance that everything is fine. I have mixed feelings about today. I hope to have an answer that has a solution, but I'm scared as well. Please pray for me and I hope to be around on this board for support and to give back when I am capable. I look forward to it.....

Hugs,

Island Girl (the only thing I know for SURE that I am!!!! I love the beach!!!) TIFF (short for Tiffany)

Hey,

You know, anti-depressants typically make a bipolar sufferer's situation worse. You had implied that your antidepressants made you feel worse? That's an indication that there's 'something' bipolar about your brain's chemistry, if that makes sense. As I look at Borderline PD and Bipolar - broadly - however, I can see overlaps. The way you describe your relationships with people is somewhat more borderline than bipolar. In fact, it doesn't sound bipolar at all. You know what though? - Everyone struggles with relationships at first, but most learn from the mistakes. whatever it is about the way you approach your interactions with people, you are simply not learning. I'm in no way implying that you're unintelligent. In fact, you come across as intelligent.

Let me know how the appointments go. it's very possible to diagnose in 50 minutes by the way.

Kevin

IslandGirlTiff wrote:Previously Dx'd bi-polar, but I knew it didn't fit. My mood swings are not the same as BP and I have other symptoms (many) that do not fit BP. So....I bought tons of books and read on everything myself...

One of my friends (I only have 1 really close one that has known me since we were 16) says I did the same thing with guys in high school. I would date about a month or so and feel like they liked me more than I liked them and dump them. The ones I liked more dumped me....because I was clingy and desperate I think. They could tell something wasn't "right".

I have had shopping/credit issues, somewhat co-dependent but alters with independent and pushing people away.

My life is pretty much an emotional mess despite the outward appearance that everything is fine. I have mixed feelings about today. I hope to have an answer that has a solution, but I'm scared as well. Please pray for me and I hope to be around on this board for support and to give back when I am capable. I look forward to it.....

Tiff I Just had to say hi, since the above quotes from you, make it sound as if we are the same person. To cut a very long story short, the last girl I dated, I was really into, really quickly, within a month. I was clingy and desperate and she told me in our last call, that 'something wasn't right'. My friends have been telling me for ages, with many different girls, to be cooler, play hard to get. I had thought that it was 'just me' and the way I am that meant I could never do that. Now I am understanding, I have BPD and not the/just the Bi Polar I was previously diagnosed with. I'm finding great people here, and I hope that all went as well as can be with your appointments. Rick