I got a C from Chinese should I kill myself?

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm a freshman in the Japanese department of my university, and Chinese is a compulsory subject. We just had our final, and I got a C. I swear everyone else got either a B or an A (okay some people totally failed, but that doesn't count because they're gonna fail out of the whole department anyway, and that's the point, that's what I don't want :S ). What's even more of a problem, these results will determine our position for next semester. I could get demoted to the novice group, which is just gonna be another humiliation and confirmation that my abilities don't amount to s**t. I have everyone hate me like hell already, and the intermediate Japanese group already behaves like they're practically on a professional level of Japanese, so I don't think I can take this. Now the only option I see is to escape the whole situation altogether and kill myself before it can even happen (bit of samurai spirit inspiration there). So, what now?

I understand how you feel, at least to an extent. I've never been in that situation but I've definitely been extremely upset and self-destructive when I'm failing a class. I'm actually two right now and I'm usually an A+ student. I'm so rigid about getting a high GPA. Failing anything, (even if its math because I suck at it or anther class that I couldn't do to a stay in the loony bin), I get extremely self-destructive. But I assure you, if you attempt suicide, its something you might regret. This is not something to kill yourself over. Even if you get placed on a lower level, you can always try very hard next semester to boost yourself up. (If that's possible, again, I have no idea how your college works.)

A C isn't that bad anyways, how did you do the rest of the class?

Oh well... first of all, if you are an A+ student, IMHO you have nothing to complain about, and like I mentioned in my post, I hate it when people who have no problems whatsoever and can afford to have *fun* with college because they are perfect try to play wiseguy with me. Now that I got that little rant out of my way, let me answer your question; a C is the absolute worst grade I can think of, a total disgrace. About my college: this being the Japanese department, it works in the best East Asian traditions: it's ruthless, unforgiving, performance-oriented, and everyone in it acts like they are practically royalty. To make matters worse, I'm only 18, while everybody else is at least 20. Plus, I don't have a Japanese exam yet, so I am the lowest of the low in the department's ranking. I'm totally locked out of everything, I furiously hate almost everyone in my group, and don't even get me started on the intermediate people. It seems like everyone around me spend their time being disgustingly cheerful and satisfied, which I can't stand as it is (I'm usually only content when people around me are stomped, and preferably I have something to do with it) and to add insult to injury, they are F**ING perfect students. None of them ever study anything and yet they keep collecting their 100% tests. I'm sick of it. As for other classes, I've got my Japanese final on next Tuesday, but by this point, I'm just like f*ck it, I don't even wanna take it because I'm just gonna fail anyway. I'm thinking about abandoning the whole college scenario whatsoever and... I don't know, go to Finland and breed penguins or something. Bottom line, I absolutely will not study for the test, because if everyone else can do it without studying, then if I can't that only goes to show I don't belong here, which would come to pretty much the same thing
PS. I'm gonna have to take an advanced Japanese exam in half a year. Just to put you into perspective, most people don't pass that in like 4 tries over a period of 5 or 6 years of Japanese studies. I've got about half a year of Japanese under my belt, actually less because I only had a class once a week. In other words, this is totally impossible. Still think suicide is not a viable option?

Takeshi wrote:Oh well... first of all, if you are an A+ student, IMHO you have nothing to complain about, and like I mentioned in my post, I hate it when people who have no problems whatsoever and can afford to have *fun* with college because they are perfect try to play wiseguy with me. Now that I got that little rant out of my way

Your little rant was completely uncalled for. I said I'm usually an A student. You know why? Because I have no friends and base my self-worth on how much time I spend up in my room writing a perfect essay. I don't fun with college. I don't know what that is. I have no social contact with others. Playing wise-guy, my ass. The only person being elitist here is you, dear.

I have no want to help you now. Wait until someone else posts.

Lol.You know at moments like this, I find BPD morbidly ironic. I mean, that's why we are BPDs, huh? It's kinda tragic that we can't even talk to each other, but if we could I guess we wouldn't have problems in the first place Oh well.
So whatever, it's not like I'm writing in this forum because I expect anyone to give a flying f*ck about my problems, I guess I just gotta do something

Perhaps it’s my turn to be out of line. The reason I didn’t respond to this post earlier is because I have doubts that Takeshi is serious. Between this and some other comments he’s made, it’s raised a couple of red “troll” flags. I’m sorry if I’m mistaken or being paranoid, but that’s just how you’re coming across to me. Maybe I’m alone in this.

If you’re truly sincere about who you are and what you’re experiencing, I apologize. Can you honestly tell me that you’re considering suicide over an average grade or is this all hyperbole? I’ve never been a good student. I received good grades in the subjects I loved, but everything else slipped through the cracks. It didn’t help that I was a daydreamer and depressed to boot.

I understand that you’re surrounded by a lot of high achievers and it’s frustrating to watch them fly right through while you struggle. Japanese is extremely difficult, so a C would be a miracle for most people. Can you tell me what will happen if you finish this class with a C instead of an A? Can you tell me what will happen if you actually fail the class altogether? What will happen to your life? How will it be ruined? Why does your entire life depend entirely upon this and this alone?

Let's get some perspective here. It might be stressful, painful and even embarrassing to fail this class - which you haven't done by the way - I'm not going to pretend it won't suck major. I'm just not seeing the bigger implications of why this would lead you to suicide. (Not that anything that has motivated my thoughts or actions toward suicide have been logical or reasonable in the least.)

Hm. I know this is a weird and unusual kind of topic, few people ever major in Japanese (still too many though if you ask me, I wish there were less of them). About the class grade...well, you see until about a year ago, people without at least an intermediate Japanese exam were automatically rejected by the department. I'd be hard-pressed to tell if that was a good or a bad thing (if the system was still in place, I wouldn't be in the department right now, with a few months of prior Japanese studies quite obviously I don't have an exam, intermediate or otherwise), but what's for certain is that ever since the limitation has been lifted, all sorts of people flooded the department, some of whom have no business here whatsoever (think weeabooish people, although we don't have downright screaming animefans as of yet), some of whom had no idea what they are buying into (about 4 or 5 people have already left) and finally, people who prepared for their studies in the old system (i.e a year of extremely intensive Japanese training, 8 classes a week). Now this whole Japanese scenario for me has come about a year ago, and like I said, I've studied for about 6 or 7 months in total, a single class a week, and it wasn't really the rigorous kind of training either. So now I've been put into the novice group, which is bad enough as it is, but I feel like I should be breezing through it, getting 100% tests with my eyes closed, but no, I get 75%-s because I don't have ridiculous vocabularies like medical and railway. Oh, and let's not forget, I'm not even in the state-funded department. The most annoying person in my group is this arrogant b*tch who constantly kisses the a**es of intermediates, brags about his friends all over the country, whos every second sentence contains some reference to her own awesomeness and the incompetence of whoever she's talking to, and who behaves like she's preparing for her Japanese phd, even though she's in the novice group just the same. Surrounded with people like that, I personally THINK it's not surprising to be desperate to be above them, and with a C from Chinese, that's very nearly impossible. And like I mentioned, the department is extremely unforgiving, and certain people automatically enjoy privileges, have connections, while others (mostly me) have prejudices set against them, and are completely on their own (ironically, the less advanced in the field you are, and the most help you would need, the least you get). So?

Although I have never even so much as considered taking the program. I have a good idea of how rigorous and harsh the standards are. And more so how "important" it is to make it seem effortless.

That being said. You are being every bit of a snob as you are claiming others to be. Those newbies and such that you don't seem to think of as worthy of the program. 1 is a self limiting problem. if they are truly unworthy they will not stay for long, or will flunk out. Also the snobs that you think that breeze through so easy and are so happy go lucky, it isn't. A person cannot pass without studying at all. They have also been in the program longer than you. The problem here is the standards you are using for your own self worth.

Correct me if I am wrong. If you fail, or are demoted rather, that puts you in the group with those that you believe yourself to be better than. Conversely you are angry with your self and are afraid of being unworthy if you can't perform on the level of those senior to you perform with the same ease that you seem to believe that they are.(Which I assure you, despite the apparent ease each of them had to work very hard to get where they are.) Here is the problem.... You condemn the newbies to inflate your own worthiness to the program, when what they do or their reason for being there is totally irrelevant. You also are trying to set standards for your self against those that are two years older and have had more schooling. You said yourself that most don't pass the test without having to take it 4 times over five years. You are also judging these people only on what you see, which usually has nothing to do with reality. You have set yourself up in a catch 22. you have put yourself in an impossible situation.

The problem..... You are using the wrong measuring stick.

Definition of self worth is a huge problem for BPDers. Using other people's accomplishments, or abilities to measure yourself by will screw you up every time. Until you start defining your own accomplishments and your own abilities by the effort you put into it and if you do better each day, you will stay in this screwed up flux place. You will remain frustrated. Which is a waste of time, emotion, and energy.

Further more. Resenting and hating people consumes time you could spend on your studies, it also cuts you off from people that you could benefit from. Really. If there is a person than knows more than you do, does it make more sense to hate them, or learn from them? Duh. Also hating someone for the good in their life because of your own insecurities is just petty. No offense meant but if you have to hate someone try oh people who kick kittens.

Look. I don't mind being here to help. rant all you need to within forum rules of course. Rants and temper tantrums don't bother me.