Is there anything worse than BPD other than schizophrenia?

I am not sure how aware schizophrenics are of their situation mentally, but I am awake and alert way too much for my liking. It seems I know of every little possible hurt and heartache.

I know I just posted my letter to my AA friend, but to go from being in a pretty good mood to wanting to drink myself drunk and blind then take that silver bullet pill to die is a pretty sh*tty way to live. I hear people recover. How? I have been going to therapy religiously since 2005! I have been honest with my therapist.

If I lived alone or had a significant other plus had supportive friends, I wonder if this would happen? I hate to see people just dump their friends and family members that get diagnosed with a new mental illness. It is so wrong and I hope karma comes back to bite them in the ass. If you were diagnosed with cancer or diabetes would that happen? NO

The public is so poorly educated. Plus the old school types are impossible to convince. I would have never dreamed that my family would basically turn on me and treat me like dog poop and yet they all agree how wonderful and supportive they have been. I do not think I am blind or stupid to not see the truth.

Would I have done better if I were able to go to DBT classes and receive the intense training and counseling? Maybe. However if your brain chemistry can do a 180 when you are stressed, I am not sure.

I have recently read how binge drinking, plus your upbringing has the massive effect on you and can cause or aggravate borderline personality. I believe that. I have been a binge drinker since age 15. Even if you go years without drinking, which I have, you can always go right back to it just as if you never quit.

Mother nature is a bitch.

Just had to vent and also say that, I hope that I end up spending the holidays in that hospital/jail/. It would be a relief compared to dealing with my dear fam.