please help! advice?

I started dating a boy with BPD disorder a couple months ago (I did not know he had BPD!). I met him when I was in Nevada for an internship, where he is from. We kicked if off right away and I continued talking once I returned home Indiana. Everything was PEREFCT. We were crazy about each other, but I was still hesitant to get into any kind of relationship especially with the distance. We talked constantly, we had the BEST conversations and there was overall a true connection. I could feel that he cared for me even with 2,000 miles between us. Eventually after several weeks I gave in because I realized that there was nothing to lose and there was no one else i was talking to at the time anyway. We both felt like this was IT, he made me feel that way. He gave me all the attention and love a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months after I left Nevada, he visited me in Indiana. He spent 3 weeks with me and we were inseperatable, he even brought up moving out to Indiana for me until I finished school, and we had plans in the air for his next visit. He didn't want to leave at all. I did everything for him, and loved him so hard. He told me he loved me, and I felt it. Everything was so real. During his visit, drama did come up when I had found out he had sex with his ex right after I left Nevada. I forgave him because we were not official and it was right when we were getting to know each other. He admitted it was a drunk mistake. He even told me he would earn my trust back and made promises to me on his own to show he could keep them. When he got back to Nevada, he was all about me for a couple days and I even heard through mutual friends that he was bragging about how amazing his trip was and how he was going to move out here. Then suddenly he started he get distant and said it was because he had been so busy, and I dealt with it. He apologized, but never changed his actions. I barely heard from him, he was withdrawing. He said he was thrown off by all the drama that had been going on, since I found out he had sex with a girl.. his friends an exs kept sticking their nose in places where they shouldnt.. I kept telling him not to worry about it and that I loved him and would stick by his side through good and bad. He told me he just felt so empty when he left Indiana, like a piece of him was missing because it went from seeing me every day to nothing. He said he felt depressed. He remained distant and stopped saying cute things. I would get an "i miss you" or "i love you" here and there but we never talked on the phone as much and everything was fading out. I was so confused and getting him on the phone was impossible. There was always an excuse… Busy with work, class, or out with friends, trashed.. which is weird because he ALWAYS made time for me before. I always heard "I will call you later" only to be blown off, yet he swore he was still crazy about me and wanted to be with me. He never showed it. Then randomly, out of nowhere he told me he was so sorry for acting distant, and loved me, and things would change. They never did. Days later I found out he had sex with yet another different girl and broke every promise he had made to me. He wouldn't find time to talk to me on the phone, so when I saw him online I confronted him about cheating, and he said "I cant do this anymore". I let him have it and yelled at him, but I think he was so drunk that he couldn't understand and told me we would talk about it the next day. The next day I receive a message saying "I am so sorry, I ###$ this up. I love you. There has got to be a way to fix this, i need you in my life, i want to change" etc. that was the gist of it, but it was a 4 page passionate message(he knows his tendencies and that he has issues that he has opened up to me about). I didn't see it until 2 hours later, and when I responded, he was cold towards me again and there was barely any communication, as if a whole different person sent me that message. I loved him and wanted him back, dumb right? I know. Love does crazy things to you. He was still distant, and we talked about everything, but it still took me another 4 days to get him on the phone with me. He told me he was going to put his everything into this, and through constant nagging, he still never did. He didn't show he cared yet he "HAD TO BE WITH ME" and was very jealous of any guys who tried talking to me although he was scared to actually officially commit. Once the 2nd girl he slept with found out he actually cheated, she called him out on it and he yelled at me, apparently this was my fault for causing "drama" although I never had a part of it. It wasnt my fault she found out. He always associated me with drama that I was a victim of just as much as he was. After that, he completely isolated himself. He started talking to other girls and I knew it, and he didn't pay attention to me, he just left everything up in the air, wouldn't give me closure or communicate in general. I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY HE COULDN'T LEAVE ME. He just kept telling me he wanted to be with me, when obviously he was lying - he talked to me like he talks to his friends .Yes, I was there for him emotionally unlike anyone else (He opened up to me about a lot of personally things he couldnt talk to with anyone else), and I gave him the world, we had an amazing bond, but his heart was not for me anymore. I couldnt do it anymore and I knew that for my own personal self I had to withdraw. Throughout the time when he was lacking effort, i still tried to talk to him.. but then one day I started putting in just as much effort as he was - one word responses here and there, very short. He called me out on it and said I was acting weird and when I told him he had barely talked to me in weeks, well, that didnt matter and he didnt agree with me. Again, HE was the victim. He gave me attitude and when i confronted him, he said "im not mad, i just think youre talking to someone else" i said "really?" and he said "syke!"... but, whenever he would get jealous he would try to cover it up, probably most then because he knew he didnt have a place to say what he had. I pulled the friend card out on him the next night, but I worked my way into it slyly. I told him I assumed that we were going to just remain friends and he said he was confused. I expressed that i thought it was what he was thinking about wouldn't tell me, he denied ever saying that. I said, "I know you never said that, but its obvious I am not dumb", He told me he knew I wasn't dumb and when i asked why he couldn't be honest with me, i simply got "i don't know" and then i told him if his heart wasn't in it, we both need to move on because its not fair and i cant be that option for him. and he would say "so is that what WE are doing?" or "is that what is going to happen?". He refused to verbalize it and take responsibility to be the one leaving. Well, I knew he was going to try to turn this around and victimize himself. I said "You've left other girls, why the hell won't you leave me?!" and he simply said "I'm attached" and when i asked if it was ever like this with anyone else, he said no and he didn't understand why it was different with me (he had TONS of flings and relationships, cheated on ALL of his girlfriends, his relationships always lasted a month at most, except one girl he lived with that lasted a year but i dont know if he cheated on her, but in the end he left her, always trying to go back to her and everyone else). He tried making up excuses as to why he couldn't be in this - work, school, being so busy.. but i called him out and told him that it wasn't because of that, its because his heart is not in it and i was sick of the excuses but in the end he really did say he didnt know why he lost feelings but it wasnt me, it was him.. and since he was BPD, I believe that he has no clue. once again i got "so is that what we are doing?" and i said "You need to tell me what YOU want. You need to VERBALIZE it" and he said "i guess i cant do it right now then". FINALLY AFTER WEEKS, I got him to leave me. I thanked him and the convo stopped. The next morning (yesterday) he texted me hello and we had a short friendly conversation and then later in the afternoon, but i was VERY SHORT WITH HIM… I haven't exchanged words with him in 24 hours.

WHY WOULDN'T HE LEAVE ME?
WHY WOULD HE BE ATTACHED? (ASSUMING THAT WASNT A LIE)
DO YOU THINK HE WILL COME BACK?
AM I ON HIS BLACK LIST? WHAT PUT ME ON THERE (IF I AM?)
SHOULD I INITIATE CONVERSATION?


Thanks!

Hi,

People like him never seem to know what they want. Their emotions are 'haywire' and they cannot make decisions in their lives and stick with them. Also, when the $#%^ hits the fan - yes - they try to blame others. What you should do, in my opinion, is just change your number and email and get away from him. If you and he remain in touch, I am doubtful that much will change for the better. He will continue to be loving one minute and then horrid the next; all the while you are remaining in your static frame of mind absorbing his differing states. How long more are you prepared to actually put up with him?

Yes, the beginning was fantastic, but you can have all of that again with someone different. It might not be to the same intensity but, then again, are any normal relationships as intense as that? It was intense because he is not right in the head, and has issues. His life is either hot or cold - there is no lukewarm. However, it really isn't up to you to hang around waiting for him to get help; and you also have no obligation to remain in touch with him if he disrespects you as much as he already has done.

Kevin

xsunshine,
your story sounds quite familiar ...
can't figure out how long the two of you been together?

how are things these days?