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Hey im sorry about what your going through. my mom had bdp and i always wondered what she was like as a kid. i know when they are young that counseling is very helpful and nessassary. the hardest thing for anyone with a personality disorder to do is admit they have one. i still have yet to hear my mom say that theres something remotely wrong with her. its really hard. i wish and wonder how my life would be different we had somehow convinced her to. she would always threaten with suicide. you seem to be on the right track with her. it must be hard but be brave and persistant and yes try to be empathetic although its frustrating

Please stick with this post, I explain a couple paras of backstory so you will see I may have similarities with your stepdaughter.

I have borderline personality disorder, and I am sweet and generous person in many ways. I have also been to treatment (some of it helpful, some of it not helpful.) In my 6th year of inpatient, outpatient, cognitive, and behavioral therapy, I have also finally learned this: quite a few of my family members have used my diagnosis to victimize themselves, then begin slowly demonizing me. I Promise you:

A. My family has paid for, done the paperwork for, set me up with therapy couple of times. I did not ask them - I did not want to go, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

B. I have always behaved well socially, and with my family, and since I'm out of treatment I don't see myself as a huge drain on them, anymore.

Our family, like most, had many problems unrelated to me.

Not anymore! Now EVERYTHING is my fault and all tension in family gatherings is released on me, because what can I say? If I get a skin infection from picking (compulsive tendencies), no one in my family thinks I should get medical treatment, which is for REAL people. As if I get infected on purpose.

Your STEP (you wanted to be very clear) daughter is at the ER again, eh? What a brat. Next week when you faint from some flu-related dehydration, and YOU are rushed to ER, it will be valid, because your suffering is valid and your STEPdaughter's is not. Right?

Clearly you want her to move out pronto, and probably slowly sever her relationship with Dad. Send her to her mom. At least her mom loves her. Your doctor is an idiot if thinks it's better for a borderline to stay with two people who resent and possibly hate her.