does anyone else ever feel this way??

For many years I thought that I was missing a personality. I want to be around people, to feel liked and included, but then whenever I am in social situations my mind goes blank. I can't think of things to say, become increasingly worried that I am not interactive enough to be accepted, and inevitably withdraw. Also I have little to no motivation to do anything, except what I think might impress others. I have also been very jealous, expecially of people who are extroverted and accomplish many things. I have thought if I could be more like them I would be happier. But I am not like them, I am me. How do I come to terms with myself? What do I do with all of these anxious feelings when I am around others??

You are putting too much pressure on yourself to be accepted by people who are not worthy of your friendship if they cannot accept you as you are.

My daughter does and says things that gets her into trouble.... and all because she wants to appear funny, to make people laugh, to be liked, to be accepted...........it really doesn't work!

'Friends' use her for a laugh and then sicken of her and cast her aside when they've had enough of her childish behaviour.

Be true to yourself; easier said than done, I know. But, my daughter has ended up with no friends because of her behaviour around people who she assumes to be her friends.

soleil_1 wrote:For many years I thought that I was missing a personality. I want to be around people, to feel liked and included, but then whenever I am in social situations my mind goes blank. I can't think of things to say, become increasingly worried that I am not interactive enough to be accepted, and inevitably withdraw. Also I have little to no motivation to do anything, except what I think might impress others. I have also been very jealous, expecially of people who are extroverted and accomplish many things. I have thought if I could be more like them I would be happier. But I am not like them, I am me. How do I come to terms with myself? What do I do with all of these anxious feelings when I am around others??

What is your age in years?

soleil_1 wrote:I want to be around people, to feel liked and included, but then whenever I am in social situations my mind goes blank. I can't think of things to say, become increasingly worried that I am not interactive enough to be accepted, and inevitably withdraw.

I feel like this.. I'm not sure if it's the same or not - but I can't think of what to say either -
I spend all this time daydreaming about having fun or having 'normal' conversations or laughing with people or whatever,
but when it comes to it I have nothing to say - or like, I can't relate to what people are saying. I get scared that I spent so much of my life completely self-obsessed, isolated and caught up in my own little world that I've missed out on all these cultural references and things that people talk about. It just snowballs in these situations, because I get more and more paranoid and then I become a self-fulfilling prophecy because I'm so caught up on the fact I have nothing remotely interesting to say that I don't have any room left in my mind to think of what to say....

I hope that makes some sense to you, I was so relieved to know someone else felt something similar, thank you.

Oh how familiar that sounds and yes, I think all of us BPD's feel this way, rest assured.

It's exactly that, you'll be around people in a group, but it's always hard work, because you have to try so hard to be accepted and you worry that you simply dont have anything to add. Other people joke around and seem to do it so naturally - I'm not naturally an extrovert, although I have acted like it on occasion.

Same with motivation, it seems that all I EVER do, is fuelled by what everyone else expect of me. What I "should" be doing to impress them. Even in career and lifechoice - I just seem to "be" whoever I am around at that time and it always feels temporary. The only things that really drive me are impressing others. Even the small things. I can NEVER get motivated just for my own sake. Its always for someone else.

Everything always feels temporary, because usually when people get close to me and life (god forbid) get's a little settled, I seem to get paranoid and being around them feels like harder and harder work, until eventually I enjoy my own company more and withdraw. Then usually move to some place new, where I can be around new people, where there is not yet any paranoia.

Always on the run, that's me!

I hope I have stopped running now.

janinerocketmail wrote:Oh how familiar that sounds and yes, I think all of us BPD's feel this way, rest assured.

It's exactly that, you'll be around people in a group, but it's always hard work, because you have to try so hard to be accepted and you worry that you simply dont have anything to add. Other people joke around and seem to do it so naturally - I'm not naturally an extrovert, although I have acted like it on occasion.

Same with motivation, it seems that all I EVER do, is fuelled by what everyone else expect of me. What I "should" be doing to impress them. Even in career and lifechoice - I just seem to "be" whoever I am around at that time and it always feels temporary.

I feel like this ALL the time, and I get a really nasty feeling of abandonment when people I have managed to let near me, go out of radio contact for a while. I start to think it's something I have done, & then I start to really get angry that they have gone & don't want anything to do with me any more. Funny thing is my Doc's just tell me I have low self esteem. None of them seem to want to listen to me when I say I don't think that's right.
So although I totally agree with what you have posted, I've never been diagnosed as being BPD but think that's a very high possibility as to what I might be. I have virtually all the symptoms of BPD.

So I kinda can sympathise with u.

Wooks, what symptoms do you have?
Some Dr's are very unaware of BPD, so it would pay to try a second opinion if you are sure it is BPD.
Since knowing what BPD is, I have been a lot better. (still a LONG way to go but better than ever).

I know what you mean about the abandonment too. If someone doesn't reply to a text, or misses off a kiss, I automatically think I have done something wrong.

I am BPD although in councilling I scored highly on the self esteem tests!
I don't know if it was just a good day or what lol

I know I am succesful in myself, am just crazy when it comes to associating with others!

janinerocketmail wrote:Wooks, what symptoms do you have?
Some Dr's are very unaware of BPD, so it would pay to try a second opinion if you are sure it is BPD.
Since knowing what BPD is, I have been a lot better. (still a LONG way to go but better than ever).
I know what you mean about the abandonment too. If someone doesn't reply to a text, or misses off a kiss, I automatically think I have done something wrong.
)

Symptoms, well let me see,
My emotions are up n down like a yo yo
my relationships with people are generally really full on, then I freak out n think coz they haven't responded to a mail or whatever that they hate me, so I get angry n start to really dislike them.
A crap self image, for the most park.
I'm a social Chameleon, I change to make people like me, & end up acting the way THEY want me to, not how I really am.
I SH
I tend to act before I think about things, gets me in trouble
I'm paranoid all the time.

Basically I should serve as a warning to others. Oh yeah I also have depression & low self esteem.

But I never considered BPD until someone on here who I get on really well with pointed out that my behaviour with them was totally BPD(esq) & I should look into it, when I read the symptoms, it was like a light had gone on in my head because I could track my entire life noticing 90% if not more of the things BPD encapsulates.

Maybe when I was a kid & was bullied lots it started, I don't know. but hey I don't know if I am BPD & my doctors don't care...

I was away for a few days, just read all of the posts and really appreciated them. It is really helpful to know that other people identify with how I feel, that I am not the only one. So where to go from here. I am really tired of feeling this way, that I have to be perfect in order to be accepted. That was life with my mother. She really wanted someone to keep her happy, and as her only child I took the brunt of the responsibility (I am now suspecting she might be BPD, possibly my father too). I would get in trouble for not being talkative, friendly, loving enough, etc. with her, even at the age of 7yrs. But she never understood that threatening me was a scary experience that made it sooo hard to interact. I would try so hard to come up with things to talk about, but so many topics could be a trigger it was best to keep quiet, which really infuriated her. She was also very uptight about whether or not I had friends, desperately wanting me to fit in. But if I did get close to someone else she would become very jealous, saying I treated everyone else so much better than her.

Did anyone else have these experiences growing up???

I guess I had similar experiences but none of them relating to my folks, it was all external to the family, I was bullied a lot because I didn't fit in, so spent most of my life trying to be something I wasn't just to be accepted, even when I was the brunt of jokes I still didn't quite get it.