diagnosed but nothing was explained so confused

I was diagnosed with borderline, bipolar, anxiety, ptsd, with antisocial features, I heard the words but don't understand. The doc didn't really explain any of it he diagnosed me gave me scripts and sent me packing, since I have been to several outpatient places none of which have been helpful. I need to know what is wrong, what I can do to help, what will help me, I don't know who I am outside of any of this what parts are me what parts are my disorders? I am so unhappy all the time I am mad or upset, I feel like I have no place in the world, since my diagnosis veryone treats me like I'm a monster, or like a disease why? I don't want to go out, I don't really socialize, nothing that use to make me happy even registers anymore. All I do is sit around trying to research all of this but having all these diagnosises I can't really add it all up its all seperate stuff, I want to learn self control and understanding, and how to build relationships but I'm getting nowhere. On top of all this I recently moved to Tx. from NJ. and have been without my insurance for 3 months because of some computer glitch with my disability so I am off my meds can't afford a doctor and I feel like I'm going out of mind I don't know what to do anymore any help or advice would be greatly appreciated I could really use it right now.

jerzeymama wrote:I was diagnosed with borderline, bipolar, anxiety, ptsd, with antisocial features, I heard the words but don't understand. The doc didn't really explain any of it he diagnosed me gave me scripts and sent me packing, since I have been to several outpatient places none of which have been helpful. I need to know what is wrong, what I can do to help, what will help me, I don't know who I am outside of any of this what parts are me what parts are my disorders? I am so unhappy all the time I am mad or upset, I feel like I have no place in the world, since my diagnosis veryone treats me like I'm a monster, or like a disease why? I don't want to go out, I don't really socialize, nothing that use to make me happy even registers anymore. All I do is sit around trying to research all of this but having all these diagnosises I can't really add it all up its all seperate stuff, I want to learn self control and understanding, and how to build relationships but I'm getting nowhere. On top of all this I recently moved to Tx. from NJ. and have been without my insurance for 3 months because of some computer glitch with my disability so I am off my meds can't afford a doctor and I feel like I'm going out of mind I don't know what to do anymore any help or advice would be greatly appreciated I could really use it right now.

There is a lot of stigma by therapists and psychiatrists for BPD because they consider it hard to treat. Many of them consider 'borderline' to be synonymous with 'non-compliant', 'difficult', and 'hostile'. Most therapists know little about treating it, and their standard method of using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to treat neuroticism is useless for BPD (if you listen to one of Marsha Linehan's talks about DBT, she explains why).

You aren't a monster, it is just that most therapists aren't trained to the level that they should be. You aren't difficult, they are just incompetent in my opinion.

As far as understanding it: good luck. I don't think anyone really understands it. There are hundreds of hypotheses, but no real theory that explains how it works. You might as well go out and buy a couple of books on it (a DBT workbook would also be helpful). Two BPD books that I would recommend would be Moskovitz's Lost in the Mirror and Bockonian's New Hope for People with BPD. The first explains it from the individual's perspective (as well as it can), and the second describes the resources available. Sadly, neither really goes into DBT in detail other than to say that it exists.

I'm having a hard time telling symptoms of one disorder to the next I'm starting to wonder if all the diagnosises I have been given are accurate or they are just piling things on to make me come more so they and the pharmaceutical companies can make more money lol. I don't know what is me and what is the disorder(s) I am confused as to where one ends and the next begins and where I am in the middle of all of it. Its really starting to cause some identity issues for me which causes my anxiety to sky rocket and then I start freaking out I'm usually either mad or crying I just want to be ok. I keep asking myself what happened to me what happened to the days when I was happy before all of this those times seem few and fa between now when I look back on things but atleast they were there, now I'm never happy and the people around me react negatively like I'm causing all thier problems I don't mean to be so miserable I would prefer not to be but can't seem to help it. I think I'm just trying to learn whatever I can to try and piece it all together, so I can make some attempt to rectify the things I say and do that may hurt other people or myself I don't want to cause harm or any type of pain to anyone, I have had it done to me my whole life by my parents and would never wish such pain and damage on anyone yet everyone around me tells me I make them miserable or I'm hurting them and I just want to stop. I feel terrible they feel this way and don't know what to do to stop or try and control it the doctors are all so vague they tell me take my meds and meditate put myself in my happy place whatever that means, I can't take much more I don't want to hurt the people I love I don't want to hurt anyone else ever again, I REALLY NEED HELP!!