I would like to help her

Hi guys, I'm a non 2 months separated from my ex, whom I believe has BPD.

I used that time and did some research into everything about our relationship. I have codependent traits, but I don't believe I am a full blown codependent. The relationship played out exactly as anyone who knows about BPD would expect. After 13 months she became so dissatisfied she cheated on me. We broke up, she saying she needed time to get back in touch with herself, saying she just didn't want a relationship with anyone right now.

I didn't understand it at the time, not knowing anything about BPD. But since we broke up I cut all contact with her, working on myself. She got angry with me, and hurt of course, and now I understand why. It was her fear of being abandoned. Since then she has been actively pursuing other men, not just the one she cheated on me with.

So you guys understand I know that getting back into a relationship would not help either of us. I've been seeing a therapist to try to deal with my own issues with entanglement and codependence. But after we broke up she said she would still like to be friends with me, but I didn't want that, I still don't want that. But I still want to help her because I know that she hasn't really been doing any soul searching, the BPD would make that too painful for her.

How can I get back in touch with her without making her feel like I'm trying to get back together with her? How can I help her to realize that some of the things she's been doing aren't good for her? I know that coming out and telling her that I think she has a disorder is a bad idea, but is there anything I can do to get her to start thinking that maybe she should try to get some professional help?

Apollo,

Reread your post. You answered your own question. No one will be able to tell you anything that you don't already know.

There's no such thing as a selfless motive, and there's absoltely nothing wrong with selfish motives; they all are, and that's not necessarily bad, contrary to the tired arguments. In any healty dynamic a stable person gives and takes on equal terms, with equals, and it's an even exchange. It's absolutely destructive when validation and redemption are the currencies in the give and take. You want to give her something you don't have and that no one can give her, and you want something from her that you can't get from anyone but yourself.