Death & Promiscuity

Two part problem, here.... nicely broken up for easy reading.

Death
My best friend... left her husband in a Texas prison for child pornography. Props to her and all but when the Feds couldn't hold him the guards had his ass beat by some inmates... in the ER they ran a CAT scan for concussions and found a giant tumor that supposedly accounts for his mood swings and urge to beat his wife... Then the tumor came back... they removed it again... then the Feds took him back because they found better evidence, and now he has a week to live because the hospital messed something up in removal round two... he has a week to live.
My best friend still love the craptastic bag of useless flesh that is her husband, all things aside, and she can't really deal with this information, especially since just last year the other man she loved (who was also a real abusive asshat and all) shot himself in the face on his 21st birthday (she's like 27)....
What am I supposed to do? Be there, obviously, but I don't know how to deal with that anymore than she does. I mean, Christ, this guy was a legitimately decent guy at one point... I was in their wedding and now he's just going to stop existing? I veto. Where is my effing vote? I'm not prepared to help her with this... neither is she prepared to try and deal with it at all.

So... some advice there would rock...

Promiscuity
So BFF decided she needed shots of patron... so we went to the bar... like halfway across the state because this guy that answered my spur of the moment ad for drinks said he might bring a whole hockey team. He wasn't able to do that, but he did get me trashed enough to sleep with him... which is annoying because even when my blood was 80% vodka a couple years ago I didn't drunk-bang people. It's not my style. But, he was throwing C-Notes ($100 bills) like it was nothing. Then I was too trashed to go home, so he took us to his place and BFF watched TV while I... I don't even have a good fake excuse for my actions at this point...
Anyway, aside from the fact it was a blast nad whatnot... why the hell did I do that? I don't do that. That's NEVER been me.
I did it because it's what I do... I just had alcohol to hide behind this time.
Anyway... the worst part is he wants to do it again. He totally thinks I'm a 10/10 hottie and things... like words I haven't heard used in correlation to me like ever... which is cool and he's super cute.... but the point is that whether this turns into FWB or dating or something, I'm gonna be 8 shades of crazy and end up plaguing his with that, plus whatever else besides random sex I decide to do because I feel lonely and lost and whatnot....
I generally hate being me RIGHT NOW...

Not really sure what advice I'm even looking for on that one, but comments rock.

A. Tell your friend what you think. Ultimately it's her decision and not your responsibility. Maybe you can go with her so you two can not deal with it together.

B. This guy sounds like a player. Do you really want to date one? Really? Even if it's just a FWB thing, it never really is. One person always feels something and screws it up. You're basically setting yourself up for getting hurt.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Hi Smile!

Death

Setting aside his awfulness, because he is dying... There are standards and practices for "being there" when your friend is grieving. In the immediate, just do the basics. Listen to her without giving advice. Make food. Lots of it. Give flowers and a card. Just be there as a shoulder and an ear. Tissues at the ready and lots and lots of hugs. That's all you can do and all that you need to do.

And, listen, this can take a lot out of you so make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. Seriously.

Promiscuity

I'm with kanin. This guy is giving you words but he does not appreciate you for who you truly are. Don't worry about any potential mess you might make with him. Just get out clean. The sooner you dump him the better you'll feel about yourself. And, yeah, it sounds like a ton of fun. It just isn't serving you in any healthy way. And it's a long road back from this kind of nonsense.

Hope this helps!

So there really is no set way to deal with "your douchebag hubby is dying" is there?
Is there a Hallmark card for that or something?

And this guy...
It's been weird... he's been texting me all day... not for like more sex, but he wants to take me on another date. He also asked why I'm so opposed to the L-word... which caught me off guard... on top of that he was so disappointed when I didn't stay the night... it's like he's trying to lead up to being a real genuine guy or something...
I'm way too addicted to the attention right now. I have felt SO IGNORED that I'm just eating up his attention like an Ethiopian child eats a brownie...

I need a way to cure my attention habit... that's the real problem, I think...
For real... Is there like a pill for that or something?

For now, you kind of have to pretend he isn't a d-bag. I mean, he's dying. He won't be around much longer to beat your friend or increase market demand for kiddie pron. So it doesn't matter that he's Satan incarnate anymore.

Every d-bag has someone who will mourn their death. That's your friend right now.

As for the boy-toy...

I consider his comment about the "L-word" a red flag. And the state you're in right now is generally when the losers swoop in. And you're right that you need to divert your attention. He will prove to be a waste of time and energy, to be sure. And, no, there isn't a pill for it. It's a practice.

velouria wrote:As for the boy-toy...

I consider his comment about the "L-word" a red flag. And the state you're in right now is generally when the losers swoop in. And you're right that you need to divert your attention. He will prove to be a waste of time and energy, to be sure. And, no, there isn't a pill for it. It's a practice.

Awe can't I just use him for attention?
He has money and a nice place and things.
I could have a field day with that.
Lol.

Actually I haven't decided what to do with him yet. I mean... obviously I shouldn't have gotten trashed and slept with him, but that point aside he could be useful.
Today is the first day that I haven't cared what Red's doing or where or with who... and that's healthy.
I'm not really wondering what boy-toy's doing either. I'm just... good with me.
It's an odd equation I seem to work off of.

I'm just... good with me.

Go with that.

And is boy-toy a hockey player? *drool* /digression

Yeah, yeah he is....
And he's really sweet too...
I may not be able to give this up for a while...

But one guy is better than the 20+ I had last time I started drinking a lot and sleeping around.
Maybe I can stick to one? Maybe I even like him?
I dunno. That's wishful thinking.

Does he play for the 'Lanche? Details, please! Then I'll deconstruct your faulty logic.

Nah, it's just a local league. Lol.