I'm being left all alone

Being male, I doubt i'll ever get to witness an ultrasound of a kid growing inside me...must be a strange feeling, I imagine? Regarding the text message, it'd be difficult to resiost replying to the 'hahahaha' message, but resist it you must. replying will only make him feel in control. He wants to know that he's hurting you, as sadistic as that is.

Yeah, I know. D: I keep responding to him.... bah!

Then maybe you should attempt to make other friends, which can be trusted enough not to arm you, and leave you.

And, about the medication I've heard that sometimes without meds it's better, because meds just hide the symptoms and don't teach you techniques to diminish them, which leads to the symptoms remaining, and not leaving.

I made a topic in the relationship forums to talk about my ex. http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic51919.html



On the topic of friends... making new ones isn't easy... nor do I even know how to do it. It has been by luck my whole like that I've found groups to talk to. Usually the group of friends I have are closely connected to the person I am dating, because those are the people I see often and feel a connection with myself. I do have a few people that still occasionally talk to me from high school and other such friendships, but for the most part I don't have any close friends after these two leave. Well.. the one is already gone, with his "fiance." Now I have one left, and he's currently studying for his test for the Navy.

Squeekerz wrote:I made a topic in the relationship forums to talk about my ex. http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic51919.html



On the topic of friends... making new ones isn't easy... nor do I even know how to do it. It has been by luck my whole like that I've found groups to talk to. Usually the group of friends I have are closely connected to the person I am dating, because those are the people I see often and feel a connection with myself. I do have a few people that still occasionally talk to me from high school and other such friendships, but for the most part I don't have any close friends after these two leave. Well.. the one is already gone, with his "fiance." Now I have one left, and he's currently studying for his test for the Navy.

Well, I am sure that someday you'll definitely make new friends.

You're going to have a new baby! That's a great excuse for meeting new people. There must be groups of expecting, and particularly, new mums that meet in your area. What about other interests? There is no reason why you can't meet new people.

I say this because I recently discovered myself in the same position. I'd let all my own friends slip (other than one or two who I don't see all that often) and had invested everything in my now failed marriage. I have a child who I see a few times a week (that's all I can get). I live on my own too.

I have recently started a relationship though. This brings its own problems. My gut instinct is to cling to this person, to adapt to be what she wants, to assimilate her life and to live it as my own.... after all that's what I do.

This time is different though. I am aware. I know that I have to create my own life. I'm lucky, because she wants to take it slowly (it's only been just over 2 months). That forces me to put things in place for myself socially. By the way, I have really struggled with the taking it slowly part. But it is getting easier every day.

My ex gave me a birthday present of a watch just after we split. It was intended to represent time and the hope that we would find our way back together some day (she had just met somebody else by the way). The whole hot and cold relationship you are having with your ex is really really bad. It's on or it's off. I know that is black and white thinking, but it's the same for everybody with relationships. You will always be in contact because of your child. You can be civil. You have to start living a separate life though. I hate saying that, but it seems to be the reality from what you have written. And you need to create clarity for yourself imho.

And another thing......

I am assuming your self esteem is in your boots right about now, and this is based on that. I think going home is not a good idea. I think the harder route of facing your worst fears (loneliness, abandonment, security) will provide far more for you in the long run. I don't know about you, but if I was put into a situation where I had company (family), I would be much slower about building up relationships with new people, and some sort of a social life for myself. Visit them lots. But make yourself build your life back. Do stuff that's just for you.

About the texts. There is bound to be pain and bitterness on both sides of a break-up. Only respond to positive communication (for positive read "civil"). If you are like me, then you have already told him over and over how much you really want him back. You are probably finding that you are exhausting an impressively large array of different ways of saying it. In other words, if you are getting to the stage where you are repeating yourself, and nothing has changed, then it's time to move on with your life and close that chapter.

These are only my experiences and opinions. Hope it all works out for you.

Thank you so much for your response. =o

It's really hard for me to meet new people because of my social anxiety. I'm afraid they won't like me, or I'll do something stupid.... or have nothing in common with them. I don't do a whole lot of anything, and depend on my friends to help me find entertainment when we're together. I also have never really had experience with "making" friends because of my fear. All my friends have sorta fallen to hanging out with my ex, 'cause it's probably easier, and they've known each other longer. Also, he's easier at hiding how he feels obviously, so they don't have to worry about being bothered by his unhappiness as much as mine.

My self-esteem is nowhere near as bad as it probably should be. This is probably because I have another man constantly talking about marrying me (the close friend I talk about having left that's going into the Navy), and then a friend of mine who obviously wants to sleep with me (He's leaving in November for the Army). He's asked before, recently, but I have been saying "no" for, like, the first time in my life since I started having sex. I haven't wanted to sleep with anyone but my ex, 'cause I thought that it would show him how much I've changed, and how much he matters to me. The mistakes I made in the past was telling my ex that I wanted to sleep with other people... and then eventually I did. We weren't technically together in the official sense at that time, but we still had all that emotional attachment, so it really hurt him.

In any case, I have a few guys that help my self-esteem stay high over this... 'cause they don't agree that I'm some awful person. I've made some terrible mistakes, but I thought mistakes can be forgiven. =/

Moving back home is my choice because my son is already living with my mother. I would be closer to my son that way, and it would help when my daughter is born. Living alone has really been bad for me, actually, because I lose all motivation to do anything when there is no one around. When I lived with my brother and ex, and soon after my newborn son, I actually was very happy and content, for the most part. I think being content is what caused me to seek infatuation with others, and ultimately caused more trouble than it's worth. But while living together, I did laundry, swept, kept things cleanly... wanted to cook for everyone... It was nice. I miss that. It's why I thought having a family would be perfect for me. I don't need a job or to travel the world, or all that nonsense. I just want to be a housewife... to care for my children and husband, and make them happy. That's enough for me, but apparently my ex thinks it means I'm ambitionless, since I have nothing better to do than play house for the rest of my life.

I don't think anywhere I live will effect building relationships. I actually have a better chance of finding someone to talk to while online at my mother's than sleeping all day at my apartment, alone. >.> I don't function normally socially...

Squeekerz wrote:Thank you so much for your response. =o

It's really hard for me to meet new people because of my social anxiety. I'm afraid they won't like me, or I'll do something stupid.... or have nothing in common with them. I don't do a whole lot of anything, and depend on my friends to help me find entertainment when we're together. I also have never really had experience with "making" friends because of my fear. All my friends have sorta fallen to hanging out with my ex, 'cause it's probably easier, and they've known each other longer. Also, he's easier at hiding how he feels obviously, so they don't have to worry about being bothered by his unhappiness as much as mine.

My self-esteem is nowhere near as bad as it probably should be. This is probably because I have another man constantly talking about marrying me (the close friend I talk about having left that's going into the Navy), and then a friend of mine who obviously wants to sleep with me (He's leaving in November for the Army). He's asked before, recently, but I have been saying "no" for, like, the first time in my life since I started having sex. I haven't wanted to sleep with anyone but my ex, 'cause I thought that it would show him how much I've changed, and how much he matters to me. The mistakes I made in the past was telling my ex that I wanted to sleep with other people... and then eventually I did. We weren't technically together in the official sense at that time, but we still had all that emotional attachment, so it really hurt him.

In any case, I have a few guys that help my self-esteem stay high over this... 'cause they don't agree that I'm some awful person. I've made some terrible mistakes, but I thought mistakes can be forgiven. =/

Moving back home is my choice because my son is already living with my mother. I would be closer to my son that way, and it would help when my daughter is born. Living alone has really been bad for me, actually, because I lose all motivation to do anything when there is no one around. When I lived with my brother and ex, and soon after my newborn son, I actually was very happy and content, for the most part. I think being content is what caused me to seek infatuation with others, and ultimately caused more trouble than it's worth. But while living together, I did laundry, swept, kept things cleanly... wanted to cook for everyone... It was nice. I miss that. It's why I thought having a family would be perfect for me. I don't need a job or to travel the world, or all that nonsense. I just want to be a housewife... to care for my children and husband, and make them happy. That's enough for me, but apparently my ex thinks it means I'm ambitionless, since I have nothing better to do than play house for the rest of my life.

I don't think anywhere I live will effect building relationships. I actually have a better chance of finding someone to talk to while online at my mother's than sleeping all day at my apartment, alone. >.> I don't function normally socially...

Well, then maybe try to continue a friendship with someone who starts a friendship with you, if that doesn't render you too scared. I suggest that maybe try learning more about someone before entering a friendship with them if that would alleviate any emotional pain.

Not so much scared of emotional pain as looking like a complete idiot to someone. It's irrational fear of something. Some people call it social phobia, 'though I'm not quite bad enough to call it a phobia. I'll still go to the store if I have to, but I prefer someone accompany me or I feel extremely anxious.

Self esteem is not all about relationships (or people who want to be in a relationship with you). I completely understand the social anxiety. But if we don't try what are we left with? What we have now, that we want to change. Catch 22.

Making friends happens over time when you just get along with someone that you work with / share a hobby with / whatever. You don't have to go out and make friends. It happens as a result of going out and trying something new. Look for things to do. And if you don't like it, or the people, do something else. The important bit is the doing. I find it hard. But it's not any harder than sitting inside my home looking at 4 walls. Even a bad social experience beats sitting on a couch with nothing to do.

What about Pilates classes... specifically for pregnancy? I say that for two reasons. The social experience (and it does not mean you have to talk a lot because you will be in a class, but if you may find yourself chatting a bit before/after), and exercise. Exercise helps me immensely. I think it's the endorphin release, but it can really clear my head to go for a little jog (and it really is little. I'm taking it very very slowly). Jogging and pregnancy don't mix though. Swimming in a class could be good too. Docs permission for anything at all though.

I also realised that I am very biased against family homes. I forget that it may not be a bad thing for other people. Sorry. But I absolutely stand by asserting that you should make every effort to create a life around you... even if it means facing some social fears. Promise you won't look back!