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U kno once he gets over it he will most likely contact you again. Thank you for sharing your story. I for the first time actually feel good about not talking to him anymore

Hi Medusa,

Why did you delete your post??
I'm sorry it took so long getting back to you. Lately OCD has made it nearly impossible for me to communicate with people. I've tried, only to get so frustrated and upset I'm forced to lie down. My brain is a jumbly, swampy mess at the moment, haha.
Luckily I still have your post. Clicked on it before it was deleted .

Thank you so much for your words. It really does help having people to relate to; I hope you contine writing on here. Maybe we could help each other. I'm sorry for what you've been through *hugs*.

I hope you don't mind me quoting you here...it's just makes it easier to respond.

"He tried the pity play again, I wasn't having it, so gave me the "don't contact me ever again" line so he can feel that I am the one with the problem (I still wonder many times a day if he is right, there's gotta be some reason why all my relationships have been short lived and utterly #######5), and that HE'S the one calling ME out, instead of the other way around."

Exactly!!!!!!!!!! "I still wonder many times a day if he is right, there's gotta be some reason why all my relationships have been short lived and utterly #######5"

All my life, everyone I've ever gotten close to has grown tired of me...left me behind. I'm utterly forgetable and completely replaceable. I'm not saying this in a "woe is me" sort of way; it's just the way it is. Then I met this guy, this sweet, funny, wonderful person...and he seemed to care about me as much as I cared about him. Yes, he had his problems, but so did I. We understood each other. We could be ourselves with each other. No mimicking involved.
I thought we had something special, something unbreakable.
Who knew our love was so small?

Only one thing I know for certain...I never would have let him go. But like every other relationship I've had, the inevitable split was beyond my control.

I know I shouldn't look to others to judge my self-worth: I now realize how dangerous that can be. Still, I can't help wondering what it is that makes me so repellent. Maybe I've been very unlucky in the people I've met...or maybe it's just me.

Ugh, I hate being this whiney, sorry.
To cut it short: I'm shattered.

My friend once told me, after first questioning his distant behavior, that he would never forget about me and the amazing months we shared. Hearing that comment made me want to kill myself. I didn't understand why it hurt so much at the time...I do now.
He was speaking about us in the past tense.
Without warning, my soulfriend had turned me into little more than a fond memory.

Evol222 wrote:All my life, everyone I've ever gotten close to has grown tired of me...left me behind. I'm utterly forgetable and completely replaceable. I'm not saying this in a "woe is me" sort of way; it's just the way it is.

Evol

That's just not true - it is an example of catastrophic thought processes. Think about it. Critically analyse this statement. Is it really true? Do a thought record on it just to make sure.

Dorothy Rowe says that we learn things in childhood about ourselves ('I am bad, I am worthless') and because we are children, and because we are vulnerable we believe them. In fact they begin to explain everything for us in a strange way. These things become fundamental to us and when we are adults WE NEVER GO BACK AND QUESTION THEM. We don't check their veracity. We just cling on to these beliefs because, well, they are what we have always believed so they must be true. Mustn't they?

They aren't true though Evol. Every living person has a worth and everyone deserves to be here. You are not repellent! Far from it.

Rowe asks us to question what these beliefs mean to us and why we cling on to them for dear life. What are they protecting us from, or allowing us 'not to do' if you like? Why are they useful.

To give an example, if an individual feels they are of little interest to others and so not worth speaking to, they might then come to believe that there is no point in them approaching people or trying to make friends - it is a thankless task. So they don't. They don't take a risk. Can you see how that works (although I'm not explaining it very well?).

I think depression is a prison - but I also think it is often one of our own making. I think we construct the prison to protect ourselves. To some extent it allows us to avoid changing or taking chances on work or love or life. But if we don't take those chances Evol then we never know do we? Is it enough to say, 'Well there was no point in applying for that job because I wouldn't have got it'. Or is it better to take a chance?

The choice is yours!

Hi Normal,

Thank you so much.
I guess it's probably time to move on, stop dwelling, cut my losses, put it all behind me etc etc etc.
Maybe something good will come out of all this pain.
And if not, at least there's always klonopin and ice cream.
Thanks again.
Hope you're doing well.

Evol, you are forgetting how far you've come.

Evol222 wrote:I guess it's probably time to move on, stop dwelling, cut my losses, put it all behind me etc etc etc.
Maybe something good will come out of all this pain.

Hey Evol

I'm not sure if there is a time to move on - or if it is different for different people? Don't be too hard on yourself. I think we move on when we are ready - and when we are ready we know somehow. It is a mistake to rush things?

The notion that something good comes out of the pain is one that has given me a lot of comfort over the last year. I remember reading that the people who deal best with life are those that see every problem as a challenge and an opportunity to change and learn, rather than feeling that someone is trying to thwart them or ruin their lives, or that the problem only confirms that bad things will always happen.

Sometimes without the pain there is no learning.

Sometimes the pain is even trying to tell you something about yourself. In that sense it is a gift. If you don't know yourself - who ever will? The pain is prompting you to learn.

Sometimes your attention floats away from dwelling on how unfairly you were treated, how hurt you were and how betrayed, and it comes to rest on you. If you want to, you can turn this larvae of pain into a butterfly. And you can fly away, lighter and more beautiful than you ever were before, inside and out.

You won't believe me now Evol - but it is the making of you

Sorry to have deleted the original post (yes, it's okay that you quoted me), I'm just having a major meltdown lately, and deleted it all in a moment of shame and also paranoia in case he found this post. I made the mistake on once telling him that I sometimes use this name on the internet... I wish there was the option to change our usernames on this site.

medusa wrote:Sorry to have deleted the original post (yes, it's okay that you quoted me), I'm just having a major meltdown lately, and deleted it all in a moment of shame and also paranoia in case he found this post. I made the mistake on once telling him that I sometimes use this name on the internet... I wish there was the option to change our usernames on this site.

Is his name Perseus?

Hah hah. Pretty much, actually. Though he deludes himself into thinking that he is Orpheus and I am Echo.

I joined forces with Eurydice last week and together we seemed to have accidentaly turned his Narcissus ass to stone.

Okay, that was a bit overkill, but all true...