Push and Pull

How do you reach out for help when you're terrified of the world?

Background: I'm very likely a BPD. I also definitely have social anxiety problems. I really need to get help (both professionally as well as support from my friends), but I can't let anyone in. I know it would be what is best, but everytime I get close I just shut down. I self-sabatoge. (lie and deflect, patch it with some ridiculous detrimental bender, ect.) I guess I'm just so scared that if people know they well think I'm too weird and hate me (or leave me). Or that they are my own problems and I'm really just making them up for attention (so I can't let that attention-hog win this one.)

I tried to let my best friend in. I got as far as letting him see I vulnerable, but then I kept embellishing the disorder for comic self-deprecating effect. Anyone have tips, trick, ways I can trick myself for escaping this labyrinth? Please.

Oh, man, I really wish I had answers for you; I am trying to deal with this, too. I am in the same boat.

It is a really hard thing to need or want help and be just too afraid to do it.

Also, I identify very strongly with the fear of others "knowing" me and then leaving me.

I just got left by a couple of ppl this week and they didn't even tell me.

And immediately I think it's me.

ty for sharing,

Iamnotmyillness

This is about to go off on a tangent. (but it's my thread and I can highjack it if I want)

I really hate the abandonment signals, because they always are lying. Tonight I told my friend that I didn't want to go eat with him, because I couldn't afford to eat out again and really hate that he keeps paying for me. But now I am pissed at him for not coming over like he promised yesterday and scared to call him because then I will be a needy friend. Plus I got all upset at people I barely know, because they missed the Spain-Paraguay match when they didn't even say they would show up. (But obviously/irrationally I think it's my fault, because they know I'm American and therefore don't belong in the International Office watching soccer. Plus I forgot to bring the oreos (even though it was a joke and they didn't want oreos), and I ate one their cookies. (because they offered it to me))

Ugh, sorry I'm winning. I just hate when I think this way. (And today has not been a good day)

coda wrote:I just hate when I think this way. (And today has not been a good day)

Hey Coda & Iamnot myillness

I wondered if you had ever kept a 'Thought Record' and if it had any effect on the Negative Automatic Thoughts that you both describe here? If not maybe it is something you could do to help you deal with negative thoughts when they arise.

Scientists argue that it takes 90 seconds for an 'emotion' to pass through us before it is replaced by something else. So a thought record - if nothing else- allows us time for the feeling to pass a little.

You can google Thought Records and there are lots of online resources you can use but to simplify you could follow the pattern below:

ALTERNATIVE THOUGHT RECORD
(Cognitive Therapy Self-Help Tool)

SITUATION: Describe an event or situation, that occurred within the last few
hours, or days at the most, in which you experienced emotional distress.

WHEN did it happen?
WHO was involved?
WHERE did it happen?
WHAT happened?

FEELINGS: Describe the feelings that arose at that time. (Remember, feelings can usually be expressed in one word.) Rate the intensity of your feelings from 0-100%.

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS: List one or two of the most intense thoughts or images that you had at the time of the event.

What evidence is there to support these thoughts?

Rate the intensity of your feelings now, from 0-100%.

COGNITIVE TRAPS OR DISTORTIONS: Examine your thoughts and images to see if there are cognitive distortions (Refer to the Cognitive Traps thread).

ALTERNATIVE THOUGHT: Describe an alternative, balanced way of thinking about this event. Notice the cognitive distortions in your original thinking, and create a new statement that balances or eliminates those distortions.

Rate the intensity of your feelings now, from 0-100%. Has this diminished at all?

Eventually you will begin to internalise this process and will no longer need to write it down. In fact the emotion itself will begin to have less control over you and you will being to control it?

That's the theory anyway!