Manipulative

This is going to seem weird? Does anyone feel manipulative? I have been told I was a master manipulator. The thing is, I don't feel like I am. I cannot control how I act upon my emotions most of the time. I can try to hold back, but most of the time when I don't act instantly on my emotions and I try to hold back the way I want to act, it usually comes exploding out of me in a way that would be way worse than if I had acted instantly.

Anyways, everyone kept telling me that I was manipulative that I guess I began to believe it. The funny thing is when I would try to be manipulative I was horrible at getting what I wanted. But when I wasn't trying to manipulative, and just acting the way I felt, I am accused of being manipulative. Does anyone have this happen to them? What do you do? How does a manipulative person even act?

Hi Tralala,
I don't think I am a manipulator either, but when I think hard about it, I recognize times when I am so desperate to make sure someone is there or that they care and so on or to hide something I feel inadequate about, that I probabaly do it, just not in a malicious way I guess. I have also found when I relax and not obsess about people, it is actually better, the problem is controlling the need to seek constant affirmation from others.

I totally get what your saying. How do you stop obsessing over people?

i dont like to think of myself as manipulative, but sometimes when i look back on a situation i can kind of see how i may have manipulated that person for my own sake of not being alone (or whatever it may be that im freaking out about).
i really dont know how i can prevent it if im not even aware im doing it until after the fact.

I guess I do manipulate people. I was thinking of a time when I hid a pack of cigarettes from my boyfriend. I knew that he wouldn't go anywhere without them. He knew I wanted him to stay, but he said he had to leave. I don't ever mean to do it purposely either, but I guess I do. I wish I could be content with being by myself.

Yes exactly...I guess I know it is manipulative, but the need is SO great at the time , that I justify it. I am desperate to know they are there, or will stay, or they love me, or they're not cheating etc etc. It's a compulsion even when I know its wrong.
I am aware and am trying to control it, but when the need is overwhelming..well....

Yes, I am manipulative. I always have been. When I was younger I didn't realize when I did it but when I became aware of it, I learned to use it. Heh, I'm a bitch like that.

Ok..I'll fess up....I have manipulated on occasion cause I wanted to screw the person...but they probably deserved it!

The funny thing is, when I was younger I have always felt that I didn't really know who I am. I still don't, I kinda become whoever is around me. Anyways, when people would tell me I was being manipulative, I would be so confused. I would hear it so often, that a part of me (a big part), thought well I guess that is who I am. I would try to manipulate people on purpose, but it would backfire. Then when I was just acting, not even trying to be intentional I would, more often then not, get what I want (usually pertaining to having people around me. I will also start arguments. I don't think in my head, "Hey! I am gonna start an argument to keep you here! That sounds great!". I argue because I really feel such a strong emotion, fueled by the thought of being alone (even for 15 minutes is torture), I get into huge arguments (and I will admit, as much as I don't think so at the time, I instigate most of the arguments). The pay off for these fights? The person stays with me longer, even though they probably hate every inch of me, and end up leaving anyway. I don't care that extra hour to an hour and a half, they were with me. I just wish I could tolerate myself.

I can relate to this. When I’m in the moment I’m simply doing whatever I can to be accepted. It feels real and genuine at the time, so it doesn’t occur to me that I was being manipulative much later. When I think of how my behavior looks to someone else, it becomes a lot clearer. I wonder how many labeled manipulators are really, in that moment, intentionally aware of what they’re doing.