New to board

My name is Brett, and I have only recently started looking at BPD. I have had a history of extremely rocky relationships both with partners and with friends. I also have very scarred arms from cutting and burning and have had problems with alcohol including car accidents, arrests and work discipline. My work history has been equally unstable, I have preformed poorly at all of my jobs and have received performance related interevention from my superiors in every occupation I have been involved in. I alternate between extreme emptyness and internal turmoil.

I have not had success in the past with counsellors, having been to maybe five of them for varying lengths of time. I have been treated for depression and anxiety by several doctors, but I now feel that my problems with relationships and social interaction go deeper than that. I am married now, although it is not easy going. I have intense feelings of anger and hurt towards my wifes family, who are religious leaders and outspoken high acheivers. When I met my wife I nearly idolised her parents, but that has quickly turned to almost hating them. Looking at the list of nine characteristics of BPD I can identify easily with six or seven of them.

I am about to leave my job on Friday to work part time at my old place of employment, it was an entry level position at a computer firm, but for the year I have been there I have suffered from stress that became intolerable. My wifes siblings and partners are set to stay at our house this holiday weekend and I am terrified of what will happen. I am am feeling even more emotionaly distressed than usual. I guess I would like some advice about where to go from here. Is it better that I see some sort of psychiatrist rather than just a cousellor? I would appreciate any kind of advice as I can see myself being able to carry on like this for much longer.

Many thanks,
Brett

Brett, thanks for coming here dude. Might I ask - firstly - why you think you hate your wife's parents? Is it because they 'preach' too much? I mean, do they try to impse their beliefs on you? I of course dislike people who try to impose beliefs on others, but what can we do but ignore them (or at least try to)? I knew this girl once who often tried to make me believe in God and Heaven, but she knew that I'm an atheist. It annoyed the hell out of me.

If a counsellor isn't working out for you, then definately see a psychiatrist. From what I know - in general - a psychiatrist is more trained than a counsellor. However, the pitfall is that they are more expensive. If you have insurance this should be okay to cope with though. If you do manage to find a psychiatrist, then please try hard to work with him/her and not get too bogged-down if improvements don't come rapidly. Like most things, this will take time. What would be advisable in my opinion is to go back to square one by first going to your local doctor, and then asking for a referral to a suitable psychiatrist.

Take care,
Kevin

Hi Brett and welcome!

My very short and limited experience with trying to get help over the past 2 years is, that not until I went to a comprehensive mental health group, did I get what I felt was comprehensive care. I have struggleed with terrible mood swings and rage and depression throughout my life, as well as fear of rejection and abandonment, with a very crazy/bad relationship recently.
I never sought help, becuase of embarrassment and I guess my own stupidity, but did about a year or so ago. I picked out private therpists and was able to "fool" them and not disclose evertything, since they did not ask tough questions. Well my symptoms/behaviors were becoming more debilitating, so I finally called a mental health center and when I mentioned I had suicidal thoughts, they put me through and scheduled me right away. I was very skeptical, but now see that this is the only way I would take it seriously and have them do teh same.

Not sure if you have already tried this, but thought I would share.
Good luck!
CT

Thanks for the reply's.

I don't think I hate my parents in law so much as I hate the way I feel around them. They are over acheivers in every way possible, as are her brothers. I am terrified to be around them, maybe they make me aware of my own short comings. They are also very pushy people, her father does offer his opinions on what people should do and beleive, but I feel left out and insignificant when I am around them. They have gone overseas on missionary trips and spend a lot of the time talking about those experiences and how they only wish to deal with the most professional people and berating thier congregants for not living up to their standards. I actually feel tight-chested in thier company.

I am not sure about what is offered in New Zealand as far as comprehensive mental health facilities, but I am going to spend the next few weeks looking at options for therapy. Unfortunetly I do not have any sort of health insurance but am willing to look into paying for help. The emotional frustration is really getting me down. I appreciate the reply's and the chance to read other peoples stories.

Brett

Hey again,

From what I gather having read your previous post, you feel as if yuo do'nt match-up to all that they've achieved in their lives? If yuo look at your own life, however, then i'm sure you'll see that you have achieved many good things too. Jealousy is a natural feeling that we all have, but we must also be aware that there are most likely others out there who are jealous of us too (i.e. Im implying that there are probably people you know who look up to you and are jealous of certain things you've done).

Your wife is with you because she loves you for who you are.

Kevin