Why Rage???

What good does it do to get so goddamned ugly and say such awful things. I swore...i would not do it, this time. I had a plan, I rehearsed it...i tried to stay calm..and still I could not....

I told my therapist, please, please give me something, she said no honey your just depressed...no its more than that and i am sorry you are BPD adverse..but help me please. I have to work and support my kids, but i just want to check out for a little while and get my $#%^ together....please

CT, if this woman has something against people with BPD, you shouldn't see her any more. It's not fair to you.

I think you are right miss jasmine. I need to be more assertive (something I definately need to work on).
Just, it took all I have to find this therapist and drag myself there and start to devulge all I have hidden...for so many years...
I was hoping I'd get lucky and have the first be the last...but guess not. This is gonna be hard work...
But I know I need to seek another and I will find a good one. Thanks for the encouragement!

Yes, you'll find a good one because you deserve to, miss CT

Indeed. Find a better doctor.
You may want to ASK for risperdal.
They gave it to me because it's supposed to reduce irritability and rage.
However I had a side effect issue... it gave me nightmares...
But it works for MANY other people.

It's worth a shot, right?

Hey Smile,

Yes it is worth it, we are all worth it. I have an appointment with a shrink for an "assessment" and hopefully some meds (rather than self-medicating and avoiding, etc etc) will ask about risperdal.

The waiting is the hard part I think, lots of time to second guess ourselves and ... misbehave....

Thanks for the encouragement!

Always!
Stay safe.

HUGS

Hi Ctand Mt,
I understand the frustration you have with finding adequate treatment. I've been through the gamut myself over the last 16 yrs: good ones, bad ones; counselors, psycologists, psychiatrists, and an EMDR specialist. I myself believe that for me, the best care I've recieved is from my current psychiatrist, who was referred to me by my MD. My psycologist was also helpful with the talk therapy part, but could not make diagnosis, nor treat with meds when I need them.

I know it seems harsh when a Pdoc will not acknowledge certain dx, like BPD. From what I was told and also read about, is the comorbitity thing, and if you have a primary dx in addition to BPD, Pdocs will treat the primary dx first, and work off of that for multiple disorders. Even tho I'm bipolar with PTSD and GAD, my Pdoc primarily works with me on the anxiety issues, since it's the part that causes me the most dysfunction/disruption in my life. For all I know, I could have BPD too, cuz I sure do have all the criteria, and maybe my pdoc is one of those who doesn't believe in that dx. Even so, she has helped me to work through many difficult issues effectively, regaurdless of which one of (the many lol) dx's they came from.

Perhaps you can find a Dr. who will be able to help you with various aspects together as one, or deal individually with what is your current concern? My experience has been that psychiatry has helped the most since she can come up with meds or treatments that help with the most dysfunctional aspects I'm dealing with. In the end, I found that all the dx's intermingled so much, that it can be difficult to know what is triggering behaviors or problems to begin with, and then again, sometimes the origin of the current crisis will change too.

Don't give up, I know you can eventually find someone whom you trust, have a rapor with and who you really know is there to help you!
Peace, chorse

Ok, I was so bummed when it happened I didn't even want to post about it...but here's an update for all who care:

So the therapist I had chosen (who declared she was BPD averse, right from the get go .. which was very comforting, to say the least) refers me to her psychiatrist for meds (I was reluctant but desperate because there is a 2 month wait everywhere else).

So I gather up my history and mood chart etc. and go to see this darling shrink. I arrive spot on time , fill out the requisite paperwork and then wait...and wait..and well wait some more. There are no other patients there, that I can see, cause it's first thing in the morning on a Friday. So they take me back to the little shrinky dink room and I hear her say, who referred her to me.... bladda bladda...and a few minutes later she comes in and introduces herself and asks about my apparrent designer HRT...
so after all of 5 minutes she leaves and I hear her talking to her interior decorator...yup ....you got it, that's apparently more important than my recent suicidal thoughts! So I gather myself up, ask for my co-pay back and walk out...yeah me!

So this b*tch calls and apologizes as does my therapist... and I don't return their calls...too bad...f them!!!

So the next day I collect myself and call the local mental health facility and am now done with their computer based intake process. I sat for 2 sessions while this lady asked me several questions, often repeating them cause she couldn't remember and wasn't listening...so yeah I feel much bettter about this situation...

I think self-medicating is better.....

Well, Thanks for letting me rant

Jeez.
Where are you based?

I'm betting you could make some malpractise suits for that sort of thing...
Just saying...
It's bad care.