I am continuing with the whole honesty thing

Well, as part of my the "being myself" thing, I decided to "become a fan" of a couple Libertarian groups on Facebook...even though most of my "friends" on there are actually former co-workers! Almost all 19 of them, lol... Yep, I'm a recluse!

And my e-mail avatar now has a kick-ass "Libertarian convention" backdrop.

Once again, I'm scared shitless and I'll probably turn off my phone for another 10 days!


OH ###$! I have to see my mother and grandmother tomorrow....


wait, they're OK with my political views....

I'm...uh...gonna go take my meds now and hit the Xbox with my fiance.

Pff, you worry about being a libertarian?

Try outing yourself as a Marxist. You're better off going to the park and kicking a puppy in front of a bunch of kindergarteners.

SYL wrote:Pff, you worry about being a libertarian?

Try outing yourself as a Marxist. You're better off going to the park and kicking a puppy in front of a bunch of kindergarteners.

Hah, ain't that the truth!

When I was being very borderline, I liked what I called "debate." In truth, I liked to argue. I helped me feel "real" (if that makes sense). Maybe it's like how some bpders cut.

Nowadays, being myself isn't talking about my political views because I know that causes a lot of argument. I kind of stay away from politics and religion. Aren't those the two you're not supposed to discuss?

Being myself to me is knowing who I am on the inside. Everyone, however, doesn't have to know every detail about me. I deal with knowing myself by not taking on the traits and beliefs of others, but also not engaging in topics that can get ugly. Instead, I am politically active with a group like me so that we can work toward a goal.

I'm just so tired of drama, arguments, etc. They dominated my early years and I'm so not interested in being a drama queen at all. Maybe it's not good, but I don't talk about who I am inside my heart. As long as I know who I am, I'm good. Politics (grimace) really causes some strong feelings inside people. In my bpd days, I had some very lively conversations with people about abortion! Um, not anymore. Taboo topic for me

I actually find both libertarians and Marxists to have valid points. Many are unique and interesting people who don't follow the crowd, and imo as long as it isn't used to incite others, that's a good thing.

SYL wrote:Pff, you worry about being a libertarian?

Try outing yourself as a Marxist. You're better off going to the park and kicking a puppy in front of a bunch of kindergarteners.

Lol, yeah, I gotta admit, your post RE: personal convictions did make my blood boil a little. I'm OK now, though. Technically, I feel the responsibility both to provide a respectful counter-argument AND to support your right to believe/speak whatever it is you want to. But this isn't a political forum, so I simply answered another of your posts instead. I might post a "political self-awareness" quiz in Just For Fun, though.

I gotta ask, though, since we're in the BPD forum: is the Marxist thing a "reinvention", a sort of rebellion, or is it something that you've developed throughout your life?

For me, libertarianism is something that I've always believed in (before I even knew of the word). I HATE just being given money. I remember getting an abscess in my breast and turning down American Cancer Society vouchers and overloading my credit card instead...even though the hospital worker behind the desk kept telling me, "Do you have any idea how many people with six-figure incomes come here asking for these vouchers?" I was like, yeah, but other people need it more and some of the money is government money....I've traded sex and companionship for food and a job even though people around me kept telling me to apply for food stamps and energy assistance. It didn't make me feel guilty or dirty; it was just a business transaction. I have gone to the county health department for STD screening every six months, but then I tried to offset that by volunteering at a hospital.

And then a few years later I found out the definition of libertarianism. I was like, there's not only a word for people like me, there's a political movement? Sweet!

I'm lucky that I have my fiance to depend on right now, but I'm still searching for options (some rather extreme) as to how I would be able to balance my mental crap with some kind of financial independence. I've moved away from my previous hard-core "no donations" stance. I'd be willing to accept help, as long as the person giving it wasn't mandated to do so by the government. And, preferably, as long as I would be able to somehow give back.

I've even managed to find a free counselor! Still trying to figure out how I can keep paying it forward, even though she does get the benefit of an internship under a certified psychiatrist.



Anyway, like I was saying--is the Marxist stance a recent thing of yours, or have you always been drawn to it?

.

I agree with you, Alpha. It's a good thing for me to keep in mind. I also used to vehemently argue my points and disclose a lot about myself for various reasons. Then I went the completely opposite way and refused to form or express a solid opinion on anything.

The recent push in "self-exposure" is honestly not for the sake of argument or personal reinvention. I'm proving to myself that the Earth won't shatter because of my political views--or because of my personal beliefs that are reflected in my political views. Or because of ANYTHING that is somehow found out about me. 'Cause it eventually will be!

I guess I'm trying to achieve a middle ground.

The thing that sticks out at me the most from high school is this quote:
“I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.”
--Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet)

I think that's when I discovered my inner libertarian--personal, not just political.

I don't know if it would be a good or bad thing for me to be as much of a polemicist as he was.

Here I go again with "good" and "bad"... Workin' on that!

Chill out honey.
You'll be fine.

It's really weird, but the more I stop acting the way I think people want me to, and just do things because they come to mind, the more people seem to like me...
It's weird... but it's nice.

*DEEP BREATH* Now out.......

That helps a lot, SmileXx. I'm glad you mentioned it. I did a quick self-check as to why I'm doing this and, yes, it's for me. Because I feel like it. Normally, I wouldn't go at length about this, because some voice in my head keeps whispering, "It's not appropriate for you to take up this forum/Facebook space for your emotions. They'll look down on you."

But I'm fighting that voice because I know that what I'm doing is--exactly like you said--what I feel like doing. I feel that I need to do this, the personality inventory, and the "Earth will not shatter" mantra.

Thank you. (((HUGS)))

Anytime babe.
I know how you feel.

I ran around changing my personality completely for everyone for years.
Seriously, I had like 17 faces.
At once.
So I never got friends together or anything because the personalities and things never meshed into something.
Really didn't do much for my mental health.

My new boyfriend won't let me fake though.
He's permanently connected to my hip, so he saw all the faces, and I couldn't maintain one for him.
I had this awful breakdown about it and then it was like someone hit a reset button.
I'm still figuring out who I am, what I actually like, etc, but I'm better...
And I FEEL better...

You will too.

FrayedEndOfSanity wrote:
Anyway, like I was saying--is the Marxist stance a recent thing of yours, or have you always been drawn to it?

.

Nope, it's just years of intellectual exploration. I gave the other side a fair chance. I even read ALL of Atlas Shrugged, including the big speech everyone skips. For like a week I thought it was pretty cool and it's a very good pseudophilosophy for someone in a manic narcissistic state, but I soon began to realize Rand was utter crap. And it's very easy to display, with basic arithmetic, how the "C" word can't work forever.

When you get into it, Marxism isn't necessarily a political stance so much as an intellectual/scientific one. And you get these groups who are stuck on Marxism circa 1930 which is idiotic because Marxism itself has to go through the same dialectic process as the society it describes . . . which is to say, and this is a recent thing for me, that it's no longer a case of this proletarian revolutionary thing, because there is no such class distinction anymore . . .

Maybe I'm just better off labelling myself as a far-leftist fan of big emancipatory projects. So Marxism in the way of Zizek and other contemporary writers, not so much the silly Soviet-centric caricature Americans think when they hear the word.

I guess most of that was uncalled for. Haha. Anyway, maybe it has to do with borderline symptoms, maybe not. I don't much care about it these days, especially now that I'm on medication. I used to get so worked up over it. Now I don't. It's just an intellectual/philosophical position, not some political thing I have to ram down everyone's throats. There's no space in the current political apparatus for it, so it's kind of a pointless thing to really care all that much about.