Insight from Non Boderliner's or BPD; asking not bashing

I'm looking for assistance from anyone who either has BPD or has been seriously involved with one. My marriage of 1 1/2 years is soon to be over and I'm trying to understand what has happened. My soon to be ex and I had a 2 1/2 year relationship before the marriage and looking back on it, I should have seen some warning signs. I'm not even completely sure they have BPD but my therapist, who I had seen years ago when we went through a similar quick break up has discussed it with me; as well as mentioned other possible disorders.

We were in the process of trying to have a baby before everything went wrong. We were successful but unfortunately lost the baby so we decided to try again. Again, we were successful and the baby is due in about 8 weeks. However, the day we found out I was pregnant, my spouse had a massive breakdown, and began stating how much they hated themselves and their life. Not knowing what to do, I called my mother-in-law who immediately came over. They've always had an abnormal bond and I think secretly, my mother-in-law played a big role after this incident in convincing Kyle to move home.

From that moment on, things were hell. Kyle constantly had a problem with everything I said or did. I became, in Kyle's eyes, the worst person in the world and the one responsible for Kyle's unhappiness. Kyle wanted nothing to do with the baby and when I asked how I could make the situation better, Kyle's response was to "not be pregnant". It got even worse after that. All of a sudden Kyle remembered a dramatic incident that had happened years ago and began threatening to commit suicide. I tried everything I could to be supportive and understanding of what Kyle was going through but nothing helped and things continued to decline. He even stated once that he knew if he returned to the home that 1 day I would leave him anyway so he might as well go now.

I decided to throw Kyle a big birthday party to make him feel better and the party was a success; although Kyle barely spoke to me. 3 days later I came home from a therapy session and when asked how it went my reply was, "not that great". Kyle went into a rage and said he was going to leave for a few days. I begged him not to because I knew that returning to his mother and her influence would prevent him from every returning. we continued to speak daily but sure enough, 10 days after leaving, Kyle stated he wanted out of the marriage.

It has been a roller-coaster of emotions and dealing with the pregnancy alone has been difficult. My friends still have Kyle on facebook and constantly see pictures of Kyle out partying with people in the bars. Kyle has NEVER been a bar fly or heavy party person so this is all new as well. The divorce has turned so nasty and I cannot handle the stress. We have completely stopped communicating and I refuse to ever be in his presence again. Last week he came to the house with his mother and some friends to remove all his personal belongings and things we purchased together. I did not want to be here so I had my father and mother handle it. I also locked the nursery door since I know the sex of the baby and did not want him or his mother to know. This sent Kyle into a fit demanding to open the nursery door in case I was "hiding his stuff in there". My father assured him I wasn't and after a while he calmed down, cleaned out his stuff and more (even taking half bottles of shampoo and soap).

Now, I received a letter from his attorney saying that he still owns the home and can come and go as he pleases and if my parents are there, the police will be called to have them removed from the property. I don't understand his hostility. He left me and the baby, wants nothing to do with either of us and all I'm trying to do is finish this, maintain a low stress level for the baby's sake and move on with my life. I will never understand how this happened but I'm hoping someone can give me an idea as to why Kyle is having this way. I understand "splitting" and that I'm currently the worst person in the world to him but why the drama and anger? He has said so many hurtful things since the breakup. I recently found out he's telling people that our marriage was my idea and I'm the one that had to have it and he never wanted this baby. I've said nothing hurtful about him and I'm simply doing what he wanted.
Someone PLEASE give me insight!

Has he been diagnosed as a borderline?

What precisely is it that you would like a borderline to tell you? What info do you want?

stress, can make a bpder have this kind of episode.
Kyle may feel he can not keep his baby safe.
This is some of the biggest stress a BPD'er can deal with.
They start to question everything they think and feel and.....wait for it....BOOM! They detach.
Has he ever been to therapy?? His parents trying to protect him is not helping.
If you are still married, everything is half yours. everything. and everything is half his.

Has he seen the baby?? It may have just scared him out of his wits and family therapy could help.

I am sorry, this happened to you. When I was pregnant, I lost twenty pounds, because of anxiety and stress to make sure my child would not be abused. I confronted my abuser and told him if he ever
touched my child, he would lose his life. But the anxiety was killing me, and taking the joy of
having my first and only child. I see you have another thread. I have not read it yet.
So if I answered anything or asked anything repeatedly. Forgive me.

Blessings and Prayers to you and your baby,
Red

Red,
Thank you for your input. Kyle has not been to any of the doctor's appointments and does not want to come. He's willing to sign all rights away to the baby. At this point, we don't even speak. His lawyer threatened a restraining order against me which was very distrubing since I've made no attempt to see him or contact him; sometimes Kyle has a distortion of reality and this appears to be the case. Either that or he's just really trying to hurt me. He has been to therapists but never for extended periods of time. When things get bad for Kyle, he threatens suicide, goes on anti-depressants and then almost magically "snaps" back to normal and stops therapy and medication. But this only happens when he changes his environment; basically blaming the surroundings for the problems.

I was really hoping we could work things out but it appears hopeless and with support from his mother to move on, it looks like I will be raising our son alone.

Again, thank you for your insight. It all happened so fast I sometimes still can't believe it!

Hi 5 ( ),

I'm going to move this to your other thread. It's best to keep one thread going. There's a lot of info in this post, so I would like to respond to it in the other thread...

Thank you for your input. Kyle has not been to any of the doctor's appointments and does not want to come. He's willing to sign all rights away to the baby. At this point, we don't even speak. His lawyer threatened a restraining order against me which was very distrubing since I've made no attempt to see him or contact him; sometimes Kyle has a distortion of reality and this appears to be the case. Either that or he's just really trying to hurt me. He has been to therapists but never for extended periods of time. When things get bad for Kyle, he threatens suicide, goes on anti-depressants and then almost magically "snaps" back to normal and stops therapy and medication. But this only happens when he changes his environment; basically blaming the surroundings for the problems.

I was really hoping we could work things out but it appears hopeless and with support from his mother to move on, it looks like I will be raising our son alone.