Meeting with stepkids difficult

The worst part of this breakup has been that I just have no desire to meet with my stepchildren. I feel like I'm spent, like I have nothing left. I am so angry with her it's like any contact with anyone close to her makes me really uncomfortable. My daughter in law texted me this week and asked why I won't see anyone. I had to write back and lay it out. I kept the uBPDwAIF out of it for the most part, but needed them to know how hurt I feel at all of this. I also don't trust them. One son stayed out of contact the last time and the other has not been terribly supportive this go round. It's like back to the idea that NO ONE understands what non's face and have to go through.
Daughter in law texted again last night saying I was essentially being selfish (I am, no sh*t) and wants me to see my grandson. I agreed to meet her and the baby but no one else. I feel like a heel, a jerk for not putting this all aside and being there for the kids I raised from 10 and 11 But the pain is too much and her poison seems to close.
Maybe it's just time to suck it up and see them, no mention of her or her crap. Try and put on a brave face I don't know. I could use some guidance here.

taggo wrote:Maybe it's just time to suck it up and see them, no mention of her or her crap. Try and put on a brave face.

That is EXACTLY what you should do.
Your family is your family, and yeah, if you don't want to see her and all, then don't.
It's not your obligation to play nicey nice with the ex.
It's your duty to your family to continue to be a part of their world, however.
That's just how things are.

I am VERY new, but it seems to me that facing our fears helps us to get past them. I had massive fears around losing the roof over my head. I now find myself in a homeless hostel and it's ok. For now anyway.

I didn't think I could deal with seeing my wife and daughter (wife met someone else and is currently in the UK visiting him). It hurts just being in the house with all the reminders of our marriage, but by doing it I am realising that I can buck the BPD instincts. They never did me any good ever. Does my daughter want me in her life (she is 4) You bet she does. My instincts tell me to get away and never see them again though. If I choose to be here then everybody wins.

I have been crippled by fears for years. Now I am free to challenge them - just by having a diagnosis.

Your family will always be your family. They know you as "dad" or whatever. You have an absolute responsibility to them. I am not even talking so much about financially, but emotionally. Kids need to be loved and accepted... take that from somebody who did not always have that.

You can do it!