Are we , borderlines, really so horrible?

tralalala847 wrote:What do they do in DBT. I have been trying to research it a little, but I am still confused. Is this done in a group?

At the moment I am in the committment phase so right now it is one on one.
When I actually start DBT it is with a group of about 10 people.
They still require you to see your pshychologist and psychiatrist as well as do the DBT ...

And after last night's episode I need it ...
But that's basically it in a nutshell
Hope that helped.

I never used to be one of those BPD’ers who destroyed jobs or relationships. I had my moments, but most of the time I would turn on myself. I would cut and beat myself; I would call myself names and punish myself for being such a pathetic or horrible human being. (I don’t count saying stupid or mean things online because I think everyone gives in to bad online behavior once in awhile.)

I still have this incredible self-loathing, but last year something in me changed. There was this moment where every cell in my body became electrified. I could feel a physical change in my chemistry and began to act out. I had numerous affairs, I started smoking and drinking on a regular basis, and I stopped eating. I lost weight and saw every man as a challenge to win over. I’ve done drugs and drinking in my teens and because of that I did some stupid things – but this was different. This was everyday in search of excitement and chaos.

I would catapult between this strong desire to have fun and be crazy and the terrible regret and self-loathing that would come tumbling after. It all came to an ugly head and I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I’m doing much better with the medication, but I hate myself so much for the terrible things I’ve done to people.

I accept responsibility for my actions. I know what I did was wrong and will never forgive myself for the things I did. Yet there’s apart of me that still feels victimized. I feel like I was screwed over and I want justice. I can see that it’s irrational, but that doesn’t stop me from having those emotions.

My opinion is that BPD’ers are the same as anyone else. You have a wide variety of people under this diagnosis and it’s natural that the horror stories are going to stick out the most. I didn’t read the discussion on POF because I knew it would bother me. I’ve seen them before and it’s hard to read. These people are extremely angry and bitter and rightfully so. Perhaps it’s easier for them to blame BPD as a whole rather than this one person. It probably absolves any role they played in the relationship.

I've also been saddened to read such comments all over the internet. I'm new to BPD and it's the last thing I want to hear. I'm so worried I will push my BF away and reading that doesn't help. (I also don't want him to read it!).

But I think that generally when someone has just broken up (and are bitter) which happens throughout life/across different types of people, they just pick on the worst (or what they perceived) as the worst traits or things they can criticise in an ex.

How many times after breaking up have you criticised something that actually, you didn't really mind about at the time.

I just think it's human nature to try and eliviate our own stress/sadness by hating and belittling the ex, it's just unfortunate that people pick something that is a vulnerability and an illness and that might hurt someone who has BPD, the last thing you want to read, is how hard you are to love. (I feel like that most days already

No one chooses to have BPD and anyone who is naieve enough to "blame" someone for having it, is probably not worth worrying about. If they said that about a physical illness, they would be slated! So just ignore them.

I do hope that there are people who can cope with us! x

Are there any Non's on this forum, who are not ex's.
i.e. ones that are still with the partner who has BPD?

It would be nice to hear some success stories, of people (nons) who still love the BPD or where they manage to live with it and stay together. or is that not possible?

A good site where you can get DBT treatment (for free) attend classes to learn the same skills online, is Bordertown, it's another Yahoo group.

Forgive me if I speak out of turn, but why are ex's now looking at a forum like this, wouldn't it be better during the actual relationship, whilst still together, to help understand each other more. (rather than afterwards) - what do you have to gain, by understanding it now, if you're not with a BPD anymore? (I honestly am nopt criticisng, just trying to get my head around things).

That may help.
Thanks

janinerocketmail wrote:Are there any Non's on this forum, who are not ex's.
i.e. ones that are still with the partner who has BPD?

It would be nice to hear some success stories, of people (nons) who still love the BPD or where they manage to live with it and stay together. or is that not possible?

A good site where you can get DBT treatment (for free) attend classes to learn the same skills online, is Bordertown, it's another Yahoo group.

Forgive me if I speak out of turn, but why are ex's now looking at a forum like this, wouldn't it be better during the actual relationship, whilst still together, to help understand each other more. (rather than afterwards) - what do you have to gain, by understanding it now, if you're not with a BPD anymore? (I honestly am nopt criticisng, just trying to get my head around things).

That may help.
Thanks

It is my, not so humble opinion, that a Non will NEVER understand their BPDer...
This is the price of mental health.

I still attempt to explain to them, to tell them exactly why things happened, but no one really understands it when it's explained. They just have more questions. I find it non-productive. Still, I try to lay out the why's for them, if for other reason than to be able to tell them "hey, you'll never understand and it's better to move on and forget them all together." At least at that point they're obligated to believe me since I'll have attempted explanations.

I think I do rather well explaining..

As for a successful BPDer relationship...
Red and I were close. We're technically broken up now, but still living together and love each other.
The openness of it really helps the levels of crazy (my BPD and Bipolar [and everything else] versus his NPD) to better coincide. We don't have to hold our tongues at this point, because we don't have to please each other for the sake of the relationship. My house went from "why are you crying AGAIN? I didn't say anything this time!" to "Stop being an asshat, Red." I don't have to internalize anymore. I can just speak. It helps.

Maybe that's the key to it all...
Maybe not...

I find that when you're dealing with BPDers, or any relationship involving mental instability, you have to chuck the ideals of perfect relationships and how things are supposed to be.

You make your own rules for your own relationship. Often that gets forgotten... which is why I am glad those words show up in Sex and the City 2. It's the only part of the movie I found interesting.

Yes good point I know what you mean about explaining.
I try and explain (and in my head it sounds so eloquent and perfectly rationally explained) but to him, I'm just talking too much and going over old ground. (like when I try and explain the process of why I reacted to X), he's like, look that's done now, forget about it. I just want him to understand me better.

But you;re right, it's unproductive and I should probably save my energy

I started reading "don't let Emotions Rule your Life" last night, hoping that will help me with the DBT skills.

Have you read that one? It seems quite popular.

As a succesful BDPer are there any books you would recommend?
J

I have no read anything like that.
I rather loathe self-help books.
I also have not really done any research into DBT...
Like at all.

I would not call myself a successful BPDer.
Red and I failed as a couple.
I often fail as a human being.
In general, success is relative, just like everything else.

Sorry Smile, I didn't mean to assume.

Of all the assumptions you could have made, me being a successful BPDer is the least offensive, in my book.

some of the replies on that fish board place were so mean.
if i were to ever decide to be in a relationship again i would want it to be with someone with BPD.
at least that way the other person would understand things.
yeah it would have its trying times but all relationships do.
nothing against non-bpd folks.
i have done that and it is so hard when they try so hard to understand and just can't or don't.
so maybe some of us are horrible?
maybe some other folks are too?

akari