What to do? Cut lossess and move on?

Hey I kind of stumbled on this forum, I have an issue with a friend as outlined below and am sure she has BPD. I have BPD traits myself and have a history of depression but have, through alot of determination, got my life on track and heading in all the right directions. My friend has recently come back into my life as explained below and her sudden appearance ahs sent me into a spin.

I met my friend a few years ago through a mutual friend. We seemed to hit it off pretty quick, though i did find it unusual that she liked to hang out with me given we had just met.

Over the next 6 months we became quite close, she would pick me up for work every morning and through pulling some strings I got her as my second in charge so we could work together. In the end we were spending all day together 4-5 days a week. We were insperable, we went for coffee and lunch every day. We were only ever friends though, as she had a boy friend. I left my job half way through the year to return to study, at which time I moved into a College accommodation block. I thought things would ease off but they got more intense.

She got quite possessive of me, going to the lengths of ringing me repeatedly while out on a date to ask me questions about her job. Questions she knew the answers too, and according to office staff she was swearing and threw the phone after she hung up.
She started treating me like a child that she had to look after, wanting me to go everywhere with her. First red flag. She took me lingerie shopping with her, then dinner out with her parents as well as various other outings to family members etc.

Then one day she told me that she loved me paying attention to her cos she doesnt get any from her boyfriend, cos its always about his daughter or from her family, its always about her son, not her. Second red flag.

Things were fine until after 18 months being best friends.

We had a misunderstanding after she abused one of my friends, Anna, that I had had a crush on because I spent time with her instead of my friend, as a result my friendship with Anna collapsed. I felt it was over the top and i wanted to talk to her about it, but as soon as I said "we need to talk", it began...

By this stage the friendship was one sided, being all about her dramas. She would constantly complain about everyone. Also several revelations had emerged that were the third red flag.

She was sexually abused as a child
She had depression and bulimia as a teenager
She also self harmed as a teenager
She started counselling but never saw it through
She had never been single longer than 1 month
Her boyfriend had regularly cheated on her in the past and he had a daughter to one of his flings
She apparently attacked him physcially and scarred him when the above came to light
She threatened to kill him one night and woke up in the lounge in the morning with a knife in her hand
She was a very selfish mother, it was always about her not her son
She has no stress management skills
She can't cope with any amount of pressure
She greatly overestimates herself and underestimates others
She was emotionally unstable

and that's the summary...

And so it began, she cut me off from that day and told every one that I had a crush on her and that she didn't want to talk to me. Now I had no idea about the crush business for 4 weeks. When I eventually found out, I had a go at her via email and told her exactly what i wanted to talk about and that I had been chasing a girl for the last 9 months, and it wasn't her.

The next time I saw her she ran away from me and I found her crouched down behind a pillar hiding from me. We talked a little and i could she how distraught she was. Eventually she sat there rocking back and forth mouthing "please don't say anything" over and over. My initial reaction was that this was VERY odd, so I left her be and went on my way. The next day was as if the last 4 weeks had never happened, except to me they had. So i cut her off and distanced myself. After another 3 weeks, i saw how depressed she had become so i shoved a coffee under her nose and told her she looked like she needed a refill. She was so relieved that from that moment we were back to being inseperable.

Until...

I started to date the girl i had been chasing for the last 9 months. My friend cut her out of conversations repatedly so I couldn't talk to her. She got possessive and in the end it cost me the relationship. So i told her she was possessive and that she had clashed with every girl I had got close to over the last 12 months. Those words seem now, to have been like striking a match in an ocean of petrol.

She had replaced me as her best friend the next day with a girl from one of her classes. She would barely talk to me and we certainly didn't hang out anymore. Any mention of doing anything that we had done the day before was met with a disgusted response as to why would we do anything like that? And that happened to a varying degree for the next 3 months. It was as though the person i knew was a completely different person. Literally the world had changed within hours. We were not friends, she didn't like any of the stuff we had done for the last 18 months, we didn't talk, the list goes on but basically our world had a done a full 180 degree spin.

She bad mouthed me every opportunity she got, she had just gone toxic towards me. Though by now I had moved on to other friends and her sole friend that she had replaced me with got sick of her bad mouthing me and we became good friends. so she has nothing to do with her now. Eventually she just didn't come back and I didnt hear from her for 3 months.

She recently got back in touch though, completely out the blue. she wanted to meet up which we did and it was like old times, though i never asked what happened to her. But I found out the next day that she was pregnant to her boyfriend, apparently she wanted to catch up to tell me but she never did. She seems happy but given i know what shes like im concerned about her ability to cope. I've considered staying friends to help her but i cant help but feel im sitting down to watch a horror story unfold, as she is barely capable of looking after 1 child that her family does 90% of the raising, let alone 3 with just her and her partner.

I'm a bit lost as to what I should do, does pregnancy affect BPD? But given she has 1 child already i don't think this is gonna help her ways.

Please see my Thread about Non-Bpers...

I didn't read that novel of a post.
I skimmed it...
But here's the thing I keep trying to tell Nons on here...

You can't always get your BPer back...
The chances you'll get them back are slim...

You probably can't help your BPer with themselves...
They have to accept themselves and figure it out on their own time...

So yeah.
Cut your losses.
You have a life to live.
Stop wasting your time on a BPer that you can't fix OR get back...

Seriously. We can fend for ourselves.

jackinbox, do what you feel is right. you can take the advice of these borderlines and move on but it's most of these borderline bitches that are always the ones that come back to you yet they complain about you being too attached to them.

nyce wrote:jackinbox, do what you feel is right. you can take the advice of these borderlines and move on but it's most of these borderline bitches that are always the ones that come back to you yet they complain about you being too attached to them.

Excuse me... Borderline bitch?
Did you really just pull that out?
Why are you here if you're so terribly opposed to us?

Yes.
Borderliners will have a tendency to come back if they can't find better in someone else...
Well, what they perceive to be better...
But that's the nature of the beast.
Don't date a Borderline.
That's the moral of the story.
I sure as hell wouldn't.