HELP- don't know what to do about friend

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It makes a lot of things make sense that have happened in our friendship in the past, but now I'm more confused about what to do than ever. I will give you a brief history of our friendship so you can understand where our relationship is at.

It started when we were in elementary school. I don't remember how exactly we became friends, but we did... and it was pretty rocky, even back then. She would do really crazy things, and they never really made sense (writing notes to the other friends pretending to be me saying I hated them, etc). I honestly can't remember specifically a lot of the things she did, but I do remember having a general sense of uneasiness when it came to our friendship, and that was in fourth grade. Throughout our friendship, we had a lot of times where we were not talking- usually initiated by me. She was constantly freaking out about everything I did, lying (made-up boyfriends, conversations she had with other friends- trying to turn us against each other)... she wanted total control over my life. And then she would do some over the top thing- one time she kicked me until I bled for trying to stop her from telling a boy I liked him (in middle school), staged a fake suicide attempt and when we tried to help her told everyone in school we told her she should kill herself, stole thousands of dollars worth of money, purses, iPods, etc from my friends and other members of a club we were in, made an elaborate plan to get all of my friends arrested (we were having a party- she helped plan it- at the house of my friend- and son of a prominent political figure in our state- where there would be alcohol and other substances, and she planned to call the cops- luckily she told a coworker who knew the boy's father), among others. Every time, I would let her back into my life... I always felt bad and she really needed a friend. I do really care about her, despite it all.

It makes a lot of sense, now, everything she did, and how we made it worse by not talking to her. She recently got caught with boy who was having the party in a car, and they've both been charged with possesion and paraphenalia charges... and now he's not allowed to communicate with her at all (he's younger than us- senior in high school- and his parents are trying to protect him so he can still go to college, etc). He was her best friend/obsession while we were all off at school and now it's getting so bad. She calls me all the time, telling me how there's no reason to live and how she hates her life. Her mom kicked her out of her house- she's never been there for her, always told her she was worthless as a child (all of this I just recently found out). I feel so horrible about everything I've done in the past- but I know I can't change it, and I was treating her as though she was a psychologically healthy person who could handle it... but she's not. I don't know how to help her. She's failing out of college- she transferred out of her other school freshman year after 1 semester- she had an abortion and got addicted to pills. I've never known someone like this before and I don't know how to deal with the situation. The thing is, I know she is sick, but she has done so many terrible things to me in the past and cannot take responsibility for them (she denies everything, even though I know for a fact they are all true, and tells me I am a horrible person all the time, then turns around and tells me she loves me and I'm one of the only people who care about her). It's hard for me to be able to talk to her about all of it, because I don't know what to say. She has finally started to realize it is these actions that have destructed her previous friendships, and it is hard for me to help her with it- I don't want to lie to her and tell her she's done no wrong if she wants to get better. I know I need to help her, but I don't know how.

I've heard there is no cure for this disorder and that it is very difficult to treat, and now her mom has cancelled her insurance and she has gotten fired from her job, and there is no money for her to get her treatment anymore. She is living with my friend and wants to hop around between the houses of three of us, but I am scared to invite her into my house, or to tell my parents about it. I know that is slightly selfish- but she has been calling me at all hours of the day and night as is and I don't think I could take 24/7 of it, nor could my family. She also honestly scares me, for my own safety and the safety of my family- she is mentally unbalanced and I don't want her to do anything to them. This relationship is so unhealthy for me, but I do not want to just 'leave' her. That wouldn't be possible, anyway- she has threatened me both physically and emotionally in the past to coerce me into talking to her again and I do not doubt her abilities to 'ruin' my life, in ways. I do care about her, and I don't know what I would do if she kills herself. We all feel responsible for her, but no one knows how to help. She keeps saying there is no way out and that nothing is worth it anymore. I'm not even in town right now because I'm at school. I asked her to please not do anything rash until I get back in a few days, and I don't think she will in my friend's house, but I am scared for her and don't know what to say to her when I do get home. I told her I would do whatever I can to help her, but I have no idea how. Does anyone have any advice?

Quickly, cause I'm going to bed soon, you heard old school stuff.

There is treatments and cures for bpd, but the person has to seek out the treatment and work her heart out. But it's common for borderlines to be in treatment these days. Read my thread about "Myths of Borderline." One myth is that it can't be treated. That's bogus and yesterday's news.

Secondly, you can't do anything to help her and she sounds very sick AND DANGEROUS. She is also a drug addict, which is dangerous without the borderline. A borderline and drugs do not mix. Don't placate her. If she threatens you call the cops. IF she threatens suicide, call 9-1-1. Don't let her frighten you. This goes beyond borderline. She has no right to scare you or threaten you. Do what you have to do and shut her out of your life in spite of her threats. Get a restraining order against her. TELL YOUR PARENTS. I have borderline and I have no sympathy for her. I mean, I do, just like I feel bad for a criminal who is locked up and got that way because he was abused. But being abused is no reason to abuse or harm others. Please, please, please take care of yourself and talk to adults who will protect you. She's not as powerful as you think she is. She can be locked up for making threats. Lastly and very importantly, it is not your fault if she commits suicide. 10% of borderlines do. It is never anybody's fault but their own. You may want to find a therapist to talk to about her. You all feel you have to save her, but YOU CAN'T! She has a serious, sometimes terminal illness and you are just a kid. What are you supposed to do to save her? Don't even consider that maybe you can. Borderline requires the help of a highly skilled professional, even in the field of psychiatry. Don't promise to help her anymore because it's out of your league. She needs to take steps to find appropriate help and she'll have to do it without insurance. It's possible. Maybe she can get social security disability and then she will also get Medicare and Medicaid, which will help. THAT is what she needs to do.

Do take care and let us know what happens.