PLEASE!....I need insight from those with BPD!!

First off...thank you so much for answering and providing me with some insight to a confusing situation with my Undiagnosed ex BPD.
I will not get into the whole relationship and what transpired, but I will say that she had exhibited A LOT of the behaviors/characteristics of BPD....this I learned after we broke up...Anyway....I never got closure and to this day really don't know why we broke up...I mean, I know that she was really mad at me and had an outburst...calling me names etc. It was over something...I really don't know what? really something minor. no lies or cheating. She would call me incessently all night when she was mad at me...when I picked up the phone she would scream at me. So i turned off my ringer and ignored it...then I woke up to 50 calls, tons of texts..etc. That is basically how it ended.

I love her and did not want things to end this way...I have always been friends with my exes. Our last text exchange ended with her calling me a horrible name...i then told her to please stop...she was so abusive and that this breakup was hard enough. She texted back saying 'ok' and I thanked her genuinely...she then responded back by saying 'ok...take care'. I did not contact her for 3 weeks, nor did she. I then sent her a text wishing her a happy t-day...no response..email...no response...another text asking if she was ok...no response. I have learned a lot about BPD and I just wanted her to realize that i would always be there for her and looked forward to being her friend when we were both ready. So i emailed her this..saying how sorry I was about how things ended, that i thought she was good person. she emailed back and said thank you...then said that she hopes i find peace, happiness and live laugh love (her fav saying) then she said sorry so quick, she was texting the email from her phone.

My question is.............why can't she apologize for calling me names and horrible things that she said? I will not even bring it up, because i forgive her. but I just wonder, why she has not even said sorry. Also, she had not said anything about wanting to be frriend also. i feel like i am being a pest, but she has not told me to leave her alone...so i am confused. she is just so guardied. she used to be so open and communicate to some degree. any insight? should i just leave her alone. i don't want to juump too quick into friendhip bc i do stilll have feelings for her romantically. i appreciate any ideas about what the heck i should think.

Wrong forum darling.

Borderlines must be amazing in bed or something, the amount of guys who put up with their crap is bizarre.

xDDD Yeah, wrong forum.

I will address your question though, 'cause I'd do so when it's moved anywho. As a person with BPD myself, I actually do apologize for what I say. Sometimes I apologize for things I haven't said, or things I believe I will eventually say. I feel immense guilt over insignificant things, but that is my personal experience with the disorder. Everyone is different. I also have been told that I am amazingly self-aware in general, which helps me to realize when what I've said or am saying is misguided. Now, she may not realize she has actually hurt you that much, or something else along those lines. There can be a lot of reasons she hasn't apologized, but there is not much of a reason to really dwell on it if you can move on. You can continue to be her friend, but don't let yourself become abused, because it doesn't matter if love her or that she has a disorder. Coming from a person with BPD, there should be some value in the statement that the disorder doesn't give you the freedom to be abusive. The thing is, if she doesn't admit she has the problem, she won't admit she is being abusive... so if she's in denial about that.. it would be hard for her to actually apologize 'cause she will not admit she has done anything wrong.


OH, and PS: from what I have been told I, at least, am quite good in bed.

420star wrote:Borderlines must be amazing in bed or something, the amount of guys who put up with their crap is bizarre.

You got it!!! We are GREAT in bed!
Um, I'm a borderline who was a virgin when I got married and never cheated. Gee, guess what, we are not all the same. Also, I've been treated pretty crappy by some guys too and not because of my bpd. There are some guys who are jerks.

On a serious note, an undiagnosed bpd may or may not have the disorder, but the point is that you were hurt. Why do you want to stay friends with somebody so unable to have a relationship? IMO if she is borderline or has traits and does not recognize this or want help, it is best for BOTH of you to part ways. She will only hurt you again and you will allow her act sick, which she doesn't need. As for apologizing, that's an individual thing. I used to overapologize to the point where it was ridiculous and I've been told that is also a borderline thing. All of us have our different quirks...lol.

I hope you understood what I mean...even though I have bpd, there are times I should not have had relationships and when it would have been better if I had been left alone. And until I became more self-aware I wasn't a very good partner, although I think the bpders described here are on the extreme end of the axis. At any rate, you need to take care of yourself first and not try to figure her out because you can't.

I hope you have a nice day and can move on.