Sex and love.

after rereading the initial posting, i think i misunderstood the comment.

marylynn wrote:oh my goodness! i am so sorry that i came across as insulting. my intention was not to be judgmental at all; i promise you that. i am trying really hard to figure out my best friend who had bpd. she has a really hard time showing any emotions around me and pushes/pulls me all the time. i have never been more fond of a friendship in my entire life.

she has told me in the past that when she has physical intimacy, she disconnects emotionally. she says she never kisses or holds hands or does anything sensual and sweet. she told me lately that she has been trying some of that stuff with her husband and i was wondering if that would cause her to push him away afterward. i was just trying to understand her better. you can disregard my question... i just wanted to explain myself hoping that nobody got too hurt by my comments... i feel awful, i certainly did not want to insult anyone. i am TRULY sorry.

Hello there, I am a BPD and I am quite the opposite. One night stands were never good for me because I was the clingy girl who didn't understand the unspoken rules. I didn't understand how the guy couldn't fall in love with me!
It sounds like your friend may have more emotional baggage than some. This is just speculation but could your friend be dealing with sexual abuse? When a person disconnects from something that usually creates feelings of euphoria, it could be because she has had really bad feelings or experiences with it. Just my two sense!

I'm not insulted...lol. But the question is impossible to answer. You are assuming ALL borderlines are the same because of their disorder. This is no more true than "all redheads." If a borderline has sexual abuse in her background (or a non) this will affect her feeling about sex. I never had any sexual abuse and was never promiscuous either. Sex meant love to me. I was a virgin when I got married, and, after my divorce (17 years of marriage btw), I did experiment a little, but, for the most part, I dearly loved the men I gave myself to. I maybe had sex with two men I loved and two I didn't and regretted having sex with, but the ones I regretted...it was only once. I feel love when I am close to my wonderful hub of fourteen years.

I am sure there are borderlines who are very promiscuous and cheat on their loved ones. I'm sure some don't like to be touched, especially if they had a background of abuse. However, again, this is the same for nons who have been sexually abused. It affects how you feel about sex.

When nons ask "what do borderlines..." they are asking a question with no answer. All borderlines are unique. There are degrees of borerlines too, some having traits and some being so sick they can barely function. So my answer is that imo there IS no answer. Just keep being supportive, if you can, and don't try to analyze your friend too much. Let her work it out in therapy.

Take care

thanks for your responses! i didn't even realize i was "grouping" borderlines into one big category. thank you for pointing that out. the "red-heads" was a great clarification example. i don't know if my friend was sexually abused, but i am starting to think it is a possibility. thanks again!