Can BPD's to take on the personality of a only a friend?

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting here. I had a few questions in regards to a close friend who I guess you can say I was intimately involved with. Throughout our relationship she had a guy friend who she had known 6 months before she met me (now knows him for a 1 1/2 years) and seems to be very close with. During our relationship, she insisted they are just friends but I don't know.

It's really confusing because I know that he talks to other girls but she never seemed to have gotten jealous or possessive (at least not before, not sure about now). She always speaks very highly of him, unlike me whom she would talk down about to all of her friends.

I guess I just want to know if it is possible for a BPD to be VERY close with a male friend, imitate him and only see him as a friend? Or does this girl have feelings for him that I can't see?

possible, yes. be prepared, be strong.

SmallTalkRed wrote:possible, yes. be prepared, be strong.

Possible that she can only see him as a friend? Or has feelings for him? Can you elaborate please? Thanks.

Possible that she can only see him as a friend? Or has feelings for him?

C21, both are possible as Red said above. BPDs generally have an unstable sense of who they are and therefore oftentimes are very unsure of how they should be acting in various social circumstances. In an attempt to fit in, they often act very much like the person they are around, i.e., like they think the person expects them to behave.

Of course, when they are infatuated with someone, they will do the mirroring more intensely -- not to manipulate but, rather, simply to be loved. This suggests that, yes, your exGF has strong feelings about the guy if he is the only one she is mirroring at this time. That does not necessarily mean, however, that she wants a sexual relationship with him.

Has she been diagnosed as having BPD? If not, why do you think she does? Is she working hard in a therapy program like DBT to overcome the disorder?

Thanks DownTown. Well said.

Everyone that I've imitated, of either gender, has at that time been the object of some sort of sexual feelings from me. However, I think the causality there is unclear. In most cases it's someone that I admire and want to be like or be liked/acknowledged by and part of my desire for their approval is a desire for them to be sexually attracted to me... which is slightly different from actually being attracted to them, let alone having serious feelings for them, if you can see the distinction. For example it could be a professor who's older and not really attractive, but whom I admire and whose approval I seek in order to feel validated. Thus I'm not emulating their personality BECAUSE I'm attracted to them, rather, my sexual feelings and my imitative behavior both stem from my desire for their love, attention, and approval.

You say that she speaks very highly of this male friend, so maybe this is part of what's causing this behavior? Perhaps he is someone she admires for one of many reasons (he is successful; he has a strong sense of self or confidence that she envies; he is popular or likable) and she therefore has something of a crush on him and feels that by associating with him and emulating him she can gain the same positive attributes?

That's just my two cents based on my own experience.

It could just be my paranoid self talking,

but i take a very dim view of the situation you described. No one here can tell you for certain one way or another what her feelings may be and what may be the cause of them......but the fact that you are here, suggests that this is something that's really bothering you.

I'm curious to hear you describe her seemingly elevated view of her friend and her seemingly lowered view of yourself.

Again, i can't say anything for certain one way or another...... but i would suggest that you carefully consider why this person is in a relationship with you.
From my own experience, i've found myself to be in more than a few relationships with people i didn't really have a high opinion of. Of course, at the time, i didn't really realise this....but i to, would find myself talking poorly about the person i professed to love.
Of course everyone does this.......but for my case, it was more than just venting.

Sometimes certain people, will seek out relationships that are doomed to failure from the start. They don't consciously nec. understand why they do this, but they do. Then after awhile, they find themselves in relationships that leave them unfulfilled. That in essence, was the point of the relationship to begin with......choosing someone that can't lead to happiness, because that way it's less painful when things end.

This of course, has nothing to do with you. It's all an internal mechanism based on the fears and insecurities of the person, who is employing this mechanism.

So what i am saying, is it's possible that you're investing in a relationship that is doomed to fail. I don't know if you are or aren't.
Bu