What its like for me with BPD.

My blinds are closed, I’m not home
I fear answering the telephone
I hide even from those that are dear
Because of my tormenting fears
I’m unable to talk, to make any sense
Its as though I’m behind a prison fence
I don’t want people to notice I’m unwell
To cause them confusion and dwell
For I myself don’t understand
Why I have been dealt this particular hand
I wake, look after ,send kids to school
Feeling I’ve done a hundred laps of the pool
I clean the house with one thing in mind
I’m finished soon, time to sleep and somehow find
Some relief from the pain and drain
Of such a complicated brain
Unexplained torture happens within
As if I’ve committed a hundred sins
But I’m just as loving and kind as you
And I don’t know what I can do
I try to control it but it controls me
If only others, could only see
The fight I experience everyday
The amount of times I prey
I want to live, but not like this
I need a gentle hug and a kiss
Will I loose the ones I love?
Will they leave with a shove?
My inside is injured, my outside looks fine
There’s only that very thin-thin line
Between sanity and insanity
Reality and non-reality
I have dreams like you, I want to fulfil
But have no confidence and feel like a dill
I’m so very lost, so very sad
Will I eventually go mad?
I’m surrounded by people but feel so alone
Unable to find my place within the home
I feel lost, uncertain unable to see
If I will ever feel that sense of free
I see darkness waiting for the light ahead
My body feels as though its made of lead
A dove unable to fly
Unable to feel life’s highs
My wing is broken
And now I have spoken
What its like to be borderline
A world I consider, not divine
But we are unique, special and kind
And that you will find
No one can love you like we can do
Because our feelings are strong sensitive and true
We are angels above
Who truly know how to love.

I would love to hear from those who relate to my poem. I hope it helps others knowing that they are not alone even though we feel alone often.

((((((((((Destiny 2)))))))))) - gentle hug
That is a sad and beautiful poem. I hope you will find others who you can relate to here and that you will feel at home.

Destiny, thanks for sharing your beautiful and heartbreaking poem. I especially like how you end it on a positive note, speaking of the sensitivity and passion that BPD sufferers have to offer.

This is a brilliant poem. I remember so well when I felt, what I used to call, "the pit." That meant the emptiness in my gut, even in a crowded room.

Because I feel so much better now, I like to pass along the type of help I got that worked. I have to keep going back for refreshers as this is a lifelong disorder, but there IS a way to feel better...it's to understand the disorder. I highly recommend both cognitive behavioral therapy and, even more, dialectal behavior therapy (it's GREAT).

Once you understand yourself better, and our thinking errors are pointed out to us and corrected, we have the ability to change.

I hope you take the right steps. There is no need to feel alone in a crowded room. You may FEEL alone, but YOU ARE NOT alone. This is what borderlines need to figure out. Plus we need to learn to focus on the here and now and not sweat about what "may" happen, who "may" leave us, etc. And we have to learn that one can actually be alone and not be lonely because abadonment is our #1 issue...so we reject others before they can reject us. It's a vicious circle and it can be stopped.

(((Hugs))). You have a beautiful soul or you could never have written such a heartfelt poem. Thanks for sharing it

Wow... I don't know what to say except I can totally relate.

((((((((((Destiny 2)))))))))))

Yes, those affected by BPD can love. We sometimes push others away with our need for love and need to express it as well.

I'm in treatment now and wow is it helping. I hope you too are on the path of recovery. It can be done... You can recover from BPD.

Take care of you ~ Sly