dependent on my counsellor

i have had a few counsellors or psychiatrists in my life
and the one i have now is the best so far.

i have a complete trust in him and i seriously wouldn't know what to do without him.

i started wondering if it's good for me to have a male counsellor.
i mean, i get dependent on guys and now i just want my counsellor to hold me tight. but i have no intention of changing the counsellor because i just know he's the best one for me.

he's a lot older than me and married and he's not my type at all but i get this weird feeling...like because of his profession, he listens to me carefully, cares about me and i feel like i can say anything to him and he'll take it and give me good words instead of getting angry like normal people.

im going to see him this week and im thinking of asking him for a hug...is it a bad thing?

im still thinking of my ex and i love him and im very sad.
i need a man to get through the hardships but the counsellor told me not to be with any guy til i get better because otherwise the same $#%^ would happen and my condition would get worse. and i dont want any other guy anyway...i just want to be with my ex...

so to make it easy for me for now...i want the counsellor to hug me and show me some kind of "false" affection.........

if it's an inappropriate thought, should i be talking about it with him?

Hi, Catty! I think it's sort of "normal" to feel like you might depend on the person who's giving you support and help, for a while. You have to get your boundaries straight and become your own person.
Yah, I think you should tell him about it. There's nothing wrong with needing a hug, but you have to make sure that you won't depend on him too much or let the feelings turn into something else. He might be able to help prevent that if you tell him.
Work on finding out who you are and getting stronger.

Hi!
I am in the same position. I see it as a positive.

He listens and he knows that I resent saying BPD, I have other
issues and he and I know this, and trust each other.

Trust is a biggy for me. I have also told him about some pretty bad things too.

Blessings to you!

jasmine,

yeah i want prevent myself from depending on him TOO much.
and ill see him tomorrow so yes, ill discuss with him about it.

thats what i need - becoming my own person..




smalltalkred.

oh you're in the same position!
i'll try to see it as a more positive thing like you do.
lets see what will happen tomorrow...

Let us know how it went! It might take a while, but you will get better. The fact that you know what you want is important.

i saw him today and was going to discuss about the issue but
i was too shy to even talk about it and of course i couldn't ask him to hug me

im actually going back to japan again, this time for a year, because of my student visa thing, so it was the last time to see him today.
im sad and having a weird feeling for not being able to see him for a year. it's almost like i have a crush on him!

i really know it's only because he's been helping me as a mental health professional but still, it's not very nice to have this feeling for him.

i often correspend with him via email too and do you think i should tell him about this through email because i couldnt talk to him about it face to face today?

Telling him through email could also work, but be sure to tell him that you know it's because he's helping you and you just feel the need to tell him.
Assure him you're not making a pass at him and you're just telling him cause you trust him and you think he should know so you'll both know how to handle it.
Let us know how it goes.

I emailed him last night and got a reply this morning.
He said what I told him was all interesting and flattering and
it's possible the dependency happens when we discuss such personal issues.

I was worried he'd tell me to stop contacting him from now on but he said he was still happy to stay in contact with me.
He reassured me though to remember the ultimate goal is my independence and that'd happen in time.

He also told me not to worry if I didn't get reply from him quickly because I once got worried when I didn't get a reply and told him he must hate me and didn't care about me :/

I email him so often when I don't see him and I know it's not very good. Like, everytime I get stressed out, I write him a long email.

The good thing about this is that the thought of my ex is actually going away from my mind a bit. I'm literally thinking of my counsellor a lot. I heard it's called "transference" and it often happens between a female patient and a male therapist.

It is weird..I want to see him now :/

Hey! I'm glad you told him. It'll get easier to deal with as time goes by. It does help to tell someone when you're stressed, but I guess you could try to cut down on the emails you send him. Like, try to find something else that relaxes you and then email him about that, after a little while, and tell him if it worked and how you're doing.

I was extremely dependent on my old pdoc, I had her for over 12 yrs, she did both talk therapy and medication. Every time I felt off I'd panic and phone her. Though now I rarely feel the need for therapy.

I don't know if it would make a difference to change from a female to a male doctor, you may still feel dependent.

Have you spoken to your T about this?

Oh never mind you just answered my question...

I find that the more as time goes by, you feel less and less dependent because you're coping better....