Feeling hopelessly worthless

Me and my mom got in a fight yesterday and basically what she told me was that my childhood was a waste of her life and that she was tired of putting her life on hold for me. She was just crying about what a hard childhood I had put her through and I have been crying ever since. I didn't choose to have BPD, I don't know quite why I have BPD and I am sorry that I put her through everything but it is hard right now for me, I am trying to go to school and do the best I can but but I have a flawed relationship with my only parent, I have flawed relationships with all of my friends and my boyfriend...I can't take the BPD therapy because I am in school trying to be successful in at least one part of life, but even in school I find BPD interfering. I don't know what to do, I feel hopeless. Like nothing will ever get better, and it is so hard to find people who understand...Not a lot of people seem to in the general population. I can't stop crying now, so can anyone please give me some lifting advice?

Hi, Alicialicious! Of course it's not your fault that you have BPD. Are you seeing a therapist or doctor at all? You should tell your mom that if she wants both your lives to get easier, she has to be more supportive and help you get some good treatment. She shouldn't have hurt your feelings like that.
You can come here and post when you feel hopeless or sad.

hi Alicialicious.

i suffer from BPD and my horrible childhood gave my mum hell too.
im now 21 but still acts like a selfish child who cries and rages a lot.
mum had to rely on a religion because of me.

i refused to go to school for 5 years (from 11 years old to 15 years old) , tried to kill myself in front of her, blamed her for having me in this world etc etc

i shut my door to my friends at the time too and yes i had bad bad relationships with my ex boyfriends.

it wasn't appropriate your mum said such things to you and my mum would have said the same thing to me too if she didn't become christian, like she needed something to rely on.

maybe your mum can get some therapy if your BPD problems are making her feel that way?

im in counselling and am starting Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in a few weeks time. and this website is also helping me.
personally meds didn't work but maybe they do for you.

i can really relate to this sentence ,"I didn't choose to have BPD".
i often feel very hopeless too, like nothing can cure me?
but i heard DBT is very effective and if you can't do it, maybe you can find some stuff on the internet about it or i can probably PM you the stuff i do when i have started it so that you can try.

like jasmin said, i come here when i feel hopeless and dont know what to do or just want to get some things off my chest.

im sure your mum will be ok if she can also find some support for herself too, like therapy or some sort. i think she just doesn't know what to do with all the stuff.

x