addicted to crushes

i am wondering if anyone with bpd on this forum feels like they are addicted to the feeling of having crushes on different people?

i mean intense feelings? it almost feels like a drug addiction.

I am the same way. I have been with my boyfriend now for 4 years, but I get these crushes on people. I feel like I should be with them. It sure makes it hard being in a relationship. I love my boyfriend. I thankfully have never cheated. It's just on the inside. I have actually talked to him about this. When I was putting everything on the table in therapy with him. He didn't understand, I didnt expect him to, but it felt good to get it out.

hi. i also struggle with bpd. i have been in therapy since i was 14, and i am 23 now. i have "father issues", you know, because my father hasn't been in contact with me for at least 2 years, his choice. anyway, sometimes, i think it helps to find the humor in things. i have a blog, and i have to warn you, it is very sarcastic, and the whole premise is basically that i make fun of myself. anyway, there is a lot about my struggles with guys. if you like to laugh, and you want to get some comic relief, you should check it out. but, remember, i warned you, it can be a little offensive, but in all honesty, BPD is really difficult, i know. if you check out my blog, remember, this is about me making fun of myself. and just know that i am still in therapy, and i am trying to get my life together. www.hocdetc.wordpress.com

Yes, it happens with me too. I get crushes on my brothers girlfriends, on the pharmacy girl, even on my psychologist to a lesser degree.

The crushes come and then they go away almost as sudden as they came.

The way I deal with it is by not acting on them, and just waiting for them to go away.

Sometimes it´s so intence I feel like a teenager again, having a crush for the first time. I am 30 now. It makes me feel very strange.

I haven't been diagnosed with bpd but I began browsing this site based on my bf mentioning that he thinks I may have bpd. In reading many posts I've come to the realization that there is a strong possibility that I could have this. But thats another story for another day!

As far as crushes go (I'll use the word crushes for lack of a better word), I find myself doing the same as you all have mentioned but to a lesser degree. It's normally someone who has paid me a little attention and may have a few things in common with me. Someone who seems interested in what I have to say. Of course I've never acted on any crush, I love my bf with all of my heart. I'd never cheat on him (besides he is still by far my biggest crush ever). I think that if bpd sufferers are plagued with fears of abandonment.. maybe its the thrill/ new-ness of a crush that is soothing to bpd's. I suppose the warmth of "starting out" in a sense is alot easier to deal with than the fears of "ending up". Especially if you think you'll end up alone. That's just my guess.

Oh, gosh... this sounds so relieving to me, as i always blamed myself for what you call here "crushes".
I am married, my husband is a very understanding man actually and he loves me, and i love him too but...
When he is away i feel terribly alone. Yes, i know he is at work and since i work from home and i am here all day and he is away all day...we see eachother only in the evening.
It seems i found a way to cope with this by falling inlove online. Since my true nature is to be faithful, in the first years it was terrible. I would break up with my husband today, determined to meet my online love, only to beg him to forgive me and get me back the next day, while promising to give up my "online affair". He always forgave me, he always got me back. But then he had to leave for work again and i was terribly alone again and it was like something outside me, stronger than i was, was pushing me to contact the other guy again. And the worse thing is that i always loved the "real" or "online" men in my life with all my heart and with all the possible commitment...
Now i'm desperately struggling to stay out of this , but its really hard...
Pretty sick, i know...

Hi whocares, I'm no expert but it sounds like you're afraid to be alone both physically and emotionally. I can kind of relate to how you feel, I'm in a long distance relationship and the distance kills me. You however are able to see your husband daily. Maybe something else is lacking. You say that you love him and he loves you dearly, does he show that love to you? Maybe your view of what an outshowing of love should be is a bit exaggerated. Has something happened in your past, maybe your childhood that gives you fear of being abandoned? I'm just throwing a few suggestions out there, I was abandoned by my father and it had a seriously negative effect on me and my relationships. I also tend to require alot of attention and emotional coaxing. I've come to realize this about myself and am taking steps to address my personal issues.

You said:

the worse thing is that i always loved the "real" or "online" men in my life with all my heart and with all the possible commitment...
Now i'm desperately struggling to stay out of this , but its really hard

If you feel that you truly do love the people you meet online with all of your heart and are committed to them even over your husband since you say you have left him for them but came back, there could be a serious underlying problem within you.
You also mentioned that your husband always got you back. Maybe you're feeling worthless and your "leaving" your husband and taking your affections elsewhere is a cry out to him to prove your worth to him which in turn proves your worth to yourself. This can be dangerously damaging to your relationship.
I think maybe you should talk to a psychologist. They may be able to help you find out why you are doing this. It would be good to do this sooner rather than later, if you fall into another online relationship your husband might not be so understanding.

I wish you the best!

Hey BabyGirl...
I don't know if i made this sound more awful than it is...
I'll try to take it one step at a time...
My childhood...well, it was a nightmare. My parents split when i was 12 and i got left with my crazy mother obsessed by spells, magic, who thought she was the messenger of God and who turned my life into "Apocalypse now" ). I was always runing from her, looking for some love and warmth some place else and, i must admit, my choices weren't always the best. As i said, by nature i am a faithful creature, so all my relationships with men lasted a lot before i was able to let go realising there is nothing more to fix.
In our first years, my husband did a lot of crazy things, serious mistakes, not just my "borderline" exagerations, such as runing away and leaving me pregnant and in debts , putting us through financial troubles with his crazy actions, acting very irrational and imature. I hated him for years after, even if he, at some point, after i filled the divorce, woke up and turned into a better man, because as iresponsible as he was, he loved me. I hated him, i loved him in the same time and i couldnt leave him. I fell inlove online twice. Both men seemed to be all i ever wanted from a guy. I was convinced i found my soul mate and i was ready to do whatever it takes to be with them. But, the minute i decided to leave my husband, my soul hurt terribly and i found all sort of faults to the other guy, giving up the idea of meeting him. I then got back together with my husband, feeling like it was the right thing to do, until the next day when i found it to be a terrible idea and i started to talk with my "online love" again... And i did this on and on... When i realised that these things all happen because of my crazy mind, i stoped. I forced myself to realise that my family is here, that i have a man who, even if he is not perfect, loves me and forgave me all these years, even if i never forgive him... The feelings for the other man are still there and they hurt terribly, but im fighting to stay away...
That's a long story short... As for talking to a psychologist, maybe i will if i'll ever find a good one and also afford it. Not too easy around where i live.
All the best to you and thanks for your reply.

Yeah. Practically every girl I meet.

It's worse when they feel the same way, because as soon as I realize they do, it's usually around the time I start to lose interest. Then we both get hurt.

I agree with one of the above posts that says they go as quickly as they come. And with a memory, they'll be back once again. And then they'll go. It's a cycle that doesn't have a particularly distinct ending. It just goes on and on.

I do it with things as well as people. Become addicted, dependent. Then find something/someone else to switch to, though it's usually subconsciously and not intentional (unless I despise what or who I'm currently depending on).

i feel the same way. i get crushes on almost any guy who talks to me or smiles at me, even though i don't really like them. i try not to but somehow it feels like i can't stop. :/