Any techniques to stop the bpd from splitting?

Be nice to her. Realize her set offs, so you don't end up setting her off again. Entertain her.

vinceh4 wrote:The taping might be just a way to show some objectivity. It would be what it is, without all of the bs and hearsay.

It's never good to record someone without their knowledge, but if you're open and honest about it, having a transcript of conversations can be really useful if events get twisted or even fabricated later. I've found it a lot easier to talk about some things via instant messenger, purely because if she says "you said blah" or "I never said blah, I said notblah" I can cut and paste the relevant section. While she can always then try to change it with "but that's not what I meant", she can't deny what was actually said by either party.

if someone used reverse psychology on me and I found out, they would be split black faster than ever. D: That is not a very good idea if you are attempting not to be viewed in a negative way. . . 'though it might not be the same for others, I would not take kindly to someone doing that to me intentionally to be manipulative.

My main piece of advice is to try and not be emotional when he/she is emotionally bleeding to death. If you get emotional in response to splitting rather than trying to remain rational and logical... then things will usually end with things being said that in the future will come back to haunt you.

[quote="Squeekerz"]if someone used reverse psychology on me and I found out, they would be split black faster than ever. D: That is not a very good idea if you are attempting not to be viewed in a negative way. . . 'though it might not be the same for others, I would not take kindly to someone doing that to me intentionally to be manipulative.

My main piece of advice is to try and not be emotional when he/she is emotionally bleeding to death. If you get emotional in response to splitting rather than trying to remain rational and logical... then things will usually end with things being said that in the future will come back to haunt you. [/quote]
Well, I know that how I work is that if someone interests me enough, I have a tendency not to psychologically split AS easily.

This question is dated, yet it's answers remain timeless. I have not discovered any way to prevent the splitting mechanism from taking it's course. Learning what triggers the borderline, can give me a heads up on when she will split.
What has been helpful, is to not take anything she says or does personally and remaining calm and cool from the onslaught. Reacting, is the worst thing one can do. State the situation clearly and calmly, and do so over and over and over again.
Remain detatched from any acussations, do not defend yourself, and calmly and maturely let her/ him know you hear them yet feel differently about the situation than they do.
You cannot convince them with facts as they don't see facts....they create facts according to their emotions. You don't even exist when they are splitting....the pain that caused their bpd is all they see and feel...you don't exist.
You can't change them, you can't rescue them... you can take care of yourself and that is all, but that's the most important thing you can do.

LMFAO.

Trying to control a BPD? This may work for a day or two, until we become paranoid and figure out your game, and then somehow use it against you. By then, you're painted black and we've devalued you. It's not going to win "her" back. I promise you that.

If anything, you're in a lose-lose here - you should have set boundaries in the first place, but you didn't. You showed both types of behaviors, of course garnering more with the "a$$" behaviors, because we respond to trying harder to rope you in, but we don't understand why we would be interested in you at all after we wear you down and you're so passive that we've lost what "love" we thought we had...

My advice? Don't PLAY GAMES. Set BOUNDARIES UP FRONT. Like "Honey, I know that you're upset right now, and I cant see that anything I'm going to say is going to change your mind. If you find that you actually want to have an open mind about this, then we'll discuss it later. If not,well, then go on being an a$$ yourself".

And leave it at that.

AMP

Best way I know of is to engage in a little friendly decapitation and leave the twitching corpse in the dust.

MissAli wrote:LMFAO.

Trying to control a BPD? This may work for a day or two, until we become paranoid and figure out your game, and then somehow use it against you. By then, you're painted black and we've devalued you.

Heh, so true.

loydchristmas wrote: I need a way to bring her back to me.

Looking for a tactic is manipulating. Don't think for one second she is stupid. She will pick up on on any artificial power play quickly and turn it back on you with a vengence. Because she'll call you on it (AND SHE WILL!), she will forever use it against you when you piss her off. Worse, she will know you are always looking for that perfect menuver. She'll never again allow you have balance to figure one out.

With your mindset of "needing her..." and looking for ways to win will be your worst nightmare. The BPD female has a seventh sense...she always knows when you're under her spell. And her mind is much faster on defense than yours.

Grow some balls and make a boundary of unacceptable behavior. Then there is nothing fake and she'll learn there's a line she's never allowed to cross without losing you.

The other things you must do: 1. Acknowledge she is upset with you...she has a feeling that is valid to her. Then get honest with your feelings...the real ones, that "this is hurting me because...." but own your feelings, not hers.

In your frame of mind win game playing as a plan, this relationship will end quickly. You can't do her any emotional good in your frame of mind.

Being B.P.D. and many great qualities included.........splitting can sometimes be confused with other actions. Maybe their not mad at all. I know in some of my relationships I looked for the guy to be constant too. In other words......seem the same as he did the day before. Love is undying and if you guys truly love each other then you could make it known in a very obvious way. It sounds like they really care despite the feelings and you might find the answer.
I believe in letting someone go and if they come back it's meant to be. Sounds like this could be one of those cases.