what the heck???

What the Heck did I do to deserve this freaking ANNOYING personality. I feel like God is punnishing me for whatever reason. Why the hell did I get dealt this hand??? I say all this out of anger of course but whats more confusing is while I feel this I know, and frankly can't get myself to shut the hell up about it - is that I know life could be way worse and that I am lucky to have what I do, and then extreme guilt comes and then I get angry again... it's a never ending cycle.

Do I have BPD, I have no idea... but when I read up on it, it sure sounds a crap load like me! I can't get the councelor to call me back so that I know what to do next. In the meantime, I try frantically to control this on cloud nine feeling and then BAM - for whatever reason (usually jealousy) - I'm ready to call it quits! This is so flippin rediculous, what can I do??????????

i can totally relate..i my self has been self diagnosed as well as professionally diagnosed with this lovely disorder..my suggests that you go outside and scream as loud as you can...wait ill go get my coat and join you..i have yet to be treated for it but for reading some on this disorder and apply some things to my life...but i hope you find your way and and all and all things will work out..i think i suddenly feel the need to scream...im going out side..take care ..