Someone Killed herself, DON*T Kill yourself.

I need your words. I need to talkt.

I feel destroyed.

A girl with bordeline that I new has killed herself according to an rumor.
The shool raised an flagg.

Persons with bordeline may reject us and harm us all you want.

But you cannot reject us and kill yourselfs, you do not have the right to it.

Rejecting someone who loves you is saying you dont need them,
you are rejecting someone who worries about you.


This girl was just an friend who started to avoid me
and I wrote her alot and pushed myself.
So it got whorse and she told me again and again to never write or contact her.

I did wrote I loved her and that I was worried about her,
but this isnt about my self-centered obsession with her.

The only way I could leave her was
knowing I was just one of the persons in her life
and she would live and didnt need me.
She had so an much brighter future than I
and she was everything I ever aspired to be.

She was so much like me back when I had it hard and
I so believed she would change from her darkness, just a litte.

She has been in my head always like an split personality.
And now I feel like I have become her.
Knowing that person no longer exists, its just an voice
and she becomes me.

She killed herself.
She didnt have the right, because if I realised
she should have the right to reject someone that could protect her from herself.

Wise Guy, I'm so sorry about your friend. You're not responsible for what she did. Sometimes there is just nothing we can do to help somebody. How are you?

Bad but temporary better.
I have sleept away the whorst of the chock.
I have started denying she is dead.
All these unsaid words rages through my head
and its like I just want to travel back in time and restrain her or something.
Now, I got all these silly "rescue fantasies".
Truth is dont know what to think
or do.
I dont want to study or work.
It's like its contagious,
I don't feel like I want to live either, if she doesnt.

Can you find out for sure if she's dead or not? I know you want to be with your friend and it doesn't seem fair that you get to live and she doesn't. You are alive though, and that is important. Please don't give up on yourself. Do something that makes you feel better. Go for a long walk, sleep, anything.

Wise Guy, I just received yuor PM that she is dead. You must show your respect for her by going to her funeral. After that, then you can express your anger, but hold it in for now.

Kevin

Thanks, Jasmin. I feel very responsible because we had an bad relationship,
where she didnt want contact with me eventually
and I pushed because I was worried for her health all the time.
When I accepted I she didnt want any friendship anymore
then I wanted her to live, because she didnt need me.

Its like you said. Everything good about me was her. She keept me going
and I can't drive my body anymore.
I am alive, and life without her sucked as much before
and now much whorse when she is dead.
Its more horrible than when she abandonded me.
I never wanted to blaim her for rejecting me or for her reactions.
I just wanted her to live in this world because that alone would make me happy, because she already had helped me so much
and just wanted there to be people like her in this world.

jasmin wrote:Can you find out for sure if she's dead or not? I know you want to be with your friend and it doesn't seem fair that you get to live and she doesn't. You are alive though, and that is important. Please don't give up on yourself. Do something that makes you feel better. Go for a long walk, sleep, anything.

((((((((((Wise Guy)))))))))) It's not your fault that this happened. She didn't want to spend time with you and you couldn't force her. There is nothing that you could have done. She was sick.
You can live and remember her.

jasmin wrote:((((((((((Wise Guy)))))))))) It's not your fault that this happened. She didn't want to spend time with you and you couldn't force her. There is nothing that you could have done. She was sick.
You can live and remember her.

But she should have gotten help by anyone if not me.
An common friend told me Sara(her name)
was paranoid and that she tried to be her friend too and save her
but it didnt work for her either.
Maybee she didnt let anyone help her.

There must have been something any of us could have done.
I can't deal with this total loss of control,
that everything runs in the total opposite directíon.
Perhaps I am being selfish for feeling all this guilt.

You are right I couldn't force her and I shouldn't have tried
but a big part of me was worried for her bordeline.
I forced myself on her just because I thought it was abandonment
and I thought about her killing herself.

She made it seem as or she was genuine, like abandoning people was what she wanted. Like she wanted control over selecting friends
and then rejecting them temporary. Like she needed lots of privateness.
Perhaps I should have respected her more
and been more honest, saying I where just worried
instead of all this "I want to see you again" crap.

Jasmin,
you are right I did wrong because I was desperate and my mind was shattered.
I was as bad she, I feel so bad I thought she was better of an couple of times.

I didn't mean to say that you forced her, Wise Guy. If she didn't want to be your friend or that girl's friend any more, there is nothing that you could have done. There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you worry about that you want to see them again or that you want to be their friend. It's ok.
All you wanted to do was help her and it's not your fault that it wasn't possible.
She should have gotten help from someone, but you're not responsible for the fact that she didn't. You still don't know what you could have done to help more. It's normal to feel helpless when something like this happens.

Wise guy, do not place the blame for her suicide onto yourself. There is no-one to blame for it because it is just a very sad event that has happened. If anyone is to blame, it is society in general, because it was not able to cater for her way of life.

Kevin