A friend suggested I might have BPD.

So the past several years I've been going through some $#%^. After having a few lengthy discussions with him about it, he thinks I might have BPD. He's got a strong personal interest in psychology. Obviously I'm going to get the opinion of a professional. I researched the symptoms and here's what I've come up with.

I'm not sure I have issues with abandonment. Maybe I do, I don't know. I was pretty traumatized around 14-15 when my parents split up and I had to choose who I wanted to live with.

I do frequently have suicidal thoughts. It varies from month to month, but has been a recurring theme for several years.

I have extreme dependencies on drugs and altered consciousness. Nothing hard, just OTC stuff, alcohol, and marijuana. The trouble comes when I take high amounts and mix the substances.

I do have unstable relationships. I constantly expect more from my close friends and family. I feel isolated from them. They know what's going on with me, for the most part (depression) and I don't feel like they're doing enough. Because of that, I do devalue them. My two siblings are my "half" siblings. I sort of use that as an excuse as to why they seem to not take an interest in my depression. They've been there since I was born, so I guess it's irrational. I don't know.

My self-image is a wreck. I have such a low opinion of myself. Again, I recognize this as irrational, but it makes sense to me more often than not.

I do have a strong dependency on others, and I do not take criticism or any sort of negative emotion from others well whatsoever. I'm also paranoid about my relationships with people.

So, I guess BPD makes sense to me. But I don't know for sure. I had an appointment with a professional but I missed it. It's hard to even motivate myself to go in to see someone. I feel content just sitting around all day, using drugs, analyzing my relationships, feeling despair because no one understands. It's extremely hard for me to talk to people about it. Especially my siblings. We haven't really talked or been close the past few years...so I feel it'd be too awkward for me to all of a sudden start trying to confide in them again. So I just keep to myself mostly.

I'm also convinced it has ruined my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. We were together for 5 years.

That's it I guess.

Dude, how did it come about that your friend said you have BPD? Did you ask him to do it or did h just come along one day and say it to you? If it is the latter, then don't listen to him - He's just an undergraduate who is not fully trained. I mean, you seem really down in your post and I'm hoping that it's not all simply because your friend said that you have BPD.

Kevin

Well I started doing my own research to see if it might be anything more specific besides clinical depression. I thought I fit the mold for APD (Avoidant) but I don't know. I was just talking to him one night, about my family and $#%^, and he suggested I should research it. So I did, and as I read, I started crying. It sounded very familiar.

Regardless I've got an appointment with a professional coming up soon I think.

Okay, I was just worried that your friend was being arrogant and/or just showing-off about it all - Know what I mean? Anyway, I hope that your appointment goes well. Do you intend on telling the doctor what you think you have? I do not think that would be advisable. Rather, you should just make a list of your symptoms and be ready to tell them clearly to your doctor on the day. Let them make the diagnosis.

Kevin