She has BPD but I am the one needing Mental Recovery

My goodness, What emotionally draining experience I have had over the last 12 years.
For those who suffer BPD what have your partners doen to survive.

Can your behaviour create BPD in your partner.

Hysterior creating Hysterior.

It's like a life of Catch 22.
She continually leaves me, but I know can't afford to trust her back incase she leaves me again, but I love her so much I want her back.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Yes unfortunately the non bpd can develop ther own condition referred to as borderlines-by-proxy and need to seek therapy in order to manage it.

This web page touches on it
http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/

I have been married just 2 years and I believe my husband has some form of this disorder. I feel as though I am about to crack, mentally, because of it.

In our case, I get this feeling that he portrayed one kind of person to me when we were dating and I fell madly in love with that person. Then, after moving in and getting married, a different person started to appear. I ended up with the slow, painful task of trying to explain his behavior. What I thought was endearing eccentricity turned out to be a nightmarish inability on his part to establish a close bond with me. In our 3 years together and 2 of marriage, he has never "enjoyed himself" sexually with me, if you know what I mean. He claims feeling "blah" about sex, not "really in it mentally" and says he can't make the connection between love and sex in his heart, mind and, ultimately, body.

In addition to that, there are other things about his behavior, extreme things, that make me feel that he thinks I am an intruder in his life - even though HE asked me to marry him and even though HE asked me to move in to his house.

What I can tell you about him and what I think is the source of all this is: he was born and immediately put in an orphanage, where he remained until his parents adopted him at 11 months of age. My mother-in-law described getting a dear little boy who was unable to sit up and didn't walk until the age of two. She also mentioned other episodes in his early childhood that, in retrospect, make me think just how hurt and filled with pain he must have been and how much he must be turning that on himself. As though he is to blame for being born and then abandoned. That maybe he just isn't loveable enough. Or at least was never shown in those first vulnerable months of his life how to trust and love anyone. I can also tell you his adoptive parents were very lovely, gentle people. So, it seems to me, all those years of love can't make up for the damage done in the first 11 months of his life.

I am so distraught and don't know what to do and I guess I beat myself up mentally and emotionally for not knowing the "perfect" way to handle this, or even the "imperfect" way to handle. I feel imprisoned in my young marriage, I feel alone and cut off and married to someone who always remains just out of my reach.

Please, can anyone who is going through this give me some advice? Should I leave? Should I get some counseling? I do love this man, but it doesn't seem to be a healthy love anymore.

Thanks.

Here is a great site for people that are dealing with Borderline folks, in relationships with friends, partners, parents, children, co-workers etc : www.facing-the-facts.net.

Salinger: I have checked out this site and added it to my favorites. Wholly Smokes, it's the exact opposite of this site, but yes love it.

It preaches a lot of 'Get Out and Get Out Quick".

I read here to try and understand what my ex was feeling but alas she can't/ won't change. I don't think she can personally and I still love her so.
But I love me more, and my 13yo daughter who lives with me.